Do you want a good marriage? Start by doing some math.
Marital researcher John Gottman found that healthy long-term couple relationships maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positives to negatives. In other words, they make five deposits for every one withdrawal. For every act of selfishness, there is one act of kindness and sacrifice. You know, no one puts money in your financial bank but you and if you don’t invest, you’ll have nothing for the future. The same is true for your marriage. Besides, the dividends you get in return are well worth the investment.
November 20, 2020
Most families have some unwritten codes of conduct and you better abide by them.
We all know the unwritten rules and most of us abide by them. You don’t talk about dad’s bathroom habits or post pictures of mom’s morning hair. But what if a child, “an inside man” if you will, is telling your secrets to their other home and it’s hurting your relationship. Get direct. “Hey, because I love you and want to trust you, I need to ask you to stop.” My article, Telling Secrets, gives more details about this. But bottom line: don’t be passive, speak up. Your family is worth it.
November 19, 2020
You want to be a blessing to your children, right? Well here’s how.
According to Proverbs 20:7, “Walking with integrity blesses our children.” When we walk with God we teach our children a wisdom that informs their life. But catch this. Even in a difficult situation with one of your kids like if a child is rebelling, or stress is fracturing your family, or if you’re a stepparent and the child is completely closed to you, even then you can always bring the gift of righteousness to the child. Your integrity has the power to influence them for good.
November 18, 2020
Moving between homes is stressful for kids. One antidote is a smooth transition.
A smooth transition helps kids feel safe to be themselves. They’re not pawns between waring nations. "I try to have a good attitude,” said Cindy, “but I can’t help but come unglued if my ex-husband looks at me wrong.” Ah, therein lies part of the problem. Cindy makes the transition about her instead of about her children. I’m glad that Cindy is aware of her vulnerability, but she has to grow beyond it. Make the transition smoother for your children by making it about them, not you.
November 17, 2020
A French poet once said, “A brother is a friend given by nature.” Well, what if the brother was given by marriage?
Millions of Americans have a half-sibling or stepsibling and like full-siblings, the ties that bind vary from close to distant. But parents and stepparents can foster stronger bonds between half and stepsiblings by helping kids come together around common interests. Time spent playing a game or cheering for one another’s extracurricular activities are a good start. But eventually, they’ll have to figure out their relationship. In the meantime, encourage them to love each other by loving them.
November 16, 2020
No, Ron, I would never ask the kids to choose between us.
Close to 40% of kids in the U.S. live between separated or divorced parents and generally those parents know not to ask their child to choose between them. You would never do that, right? But, inadvertently, you might be—when you talk out loud about between home disagreements, invade the other’s home time with the kids with text messages, or when you make the children feel guilty for enjoying life in the other home. All of these ask kids to choose. It’s not a competition. Just love your kids.
November 13, 2020
On his way out the door, he looked me in the eye and said, “Take care of your marriage.”
This friend of mine had come to FamilyLife for a series of meetings. He’s well aware that I’m a family author, conference speaker, and a licensed marriage and family therapist with nearly three decades of experience, but still he said to me, “Take care of your marriage.” I really respect him for it. None of us are immune to temptation or has a resume that will allow us to get relationally lazy. Protecting our marriage and family relationships demands diligence, intentionality, and God’s wisdom.
November 12, 2020
For military stepfamilies combat is not the only battle they face.
Not all blended families face the same challenges. Stepfamilies in the military face life in 3D: Frequent moves create distance between children and their parent; deployments may force stepparents to take on a full-time parenting role before they’re ready; and the demands of military life create stress in the home. That’s why FamilyLife Blended is pleased to work with the Military Ready Stepfamily. On this Veteran’s Day: we thank you for fighting for us, and we’re fighting for you.
November 11, 2020
Do you want to rise above the clutter? Walk your talk.
Many people claim things about themselves and make promises but few people live up to them. It’s always been that way. Proverbs 20 warns us that many people profess their loyalty and kindness, but few are faithful to it. That was the norm. That’s why today as people who reflect Christ to the world we should strive, in this case, to be abnormal. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and be honest and faithful in your business practices and dealings with friends and family. Walk your talk.
November 10, 2020
Hovering, overbearing parents squash kids.
Hovering parents, sometimes called helicopter parents, stay on top of their kids. “When are you going to get your homework done?” “Did you take out the trash yet?” You may be trying to teach responsibility but you’re really telling the kids they aren’t capable. That’s debilitating and when it comes from a stepparent, it’s even worse. It short circuits your developing relationship and makes you feel unsafe to be around. To build up a child coach them from the side, not force them from the top.
November 9, 2020