Walk Your Talk (Proverbs 20)
November 10, 2020
00:00
Do you want to rise above the clutter? Walk your talk.
Many people claim things about themselves and make promises but few people live up to them. It’s always been that way. Proverbs 20 warns us that many people profess their loyalty and kindness, but few are faithful to it. That was the norm. That’s why today as people who reflect Christ to the world we should strive, in this case, to be abnormal. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and be honest and faithful in your business practices and dealings with friends and family. Walk your talk.
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Hovering, overbearing parents squash kids.
Hovering parents, sometimes called helicopter parents, stay on top of their kids. “When are you going to get your homework done?” “Did you take out the trash yet?” You may be trying to teach responsibility but you’re really telling the kids they aren’t capable. That’s debilitating and when it comes from a stepparent, it’s even worse. It short circuits your developing relationship and makes you feel unsafe to be around. To build up a child coach them from the side, not force them from the top.
November 9, 2020
So, are we family or are we not?
God is relational and we, as his image-bearers, also, have a deep need for connection. So, when a child can’t win a parent’s approval, a spouse feels unimportant to their partner, or when a stepcouple feels like their family isn’t coming together; anxiety and fear set in. Essentially they are asking, “Am I important to you or not?” and that question adds to what gets in the way of finding connection. It’s much better to act out of your love for them than worry about their love for you.
November 6, 2020
Is alcohol abuse alive and well in your home? If so, it’s time to send it packing.
According to Proverbs 20, overindulging in wine and strong drink turns us into fools, creates conflict, and leads us astray. But the drinker is not the only one led astray. Think about the kids in the home. We all know drugs and alcohol can affect any family, but kids from divorced or separated homes and stepfamilies are five times as likely to live with someone with a substance abuse problem. I’m not casting stones; I just want to encourage you: if this is your family, please get help.
November 5, 2020
Hey Ron, are stepfamilies and adoptive families similar?
Adoptive parents and stepparents alike have to bond with kids by developing trust, learning how to read each other, and sharing life together. And they all learn that the pain of the past can’t be avoided. You can hope the past will not affect the bonding process but both families understand that avoiding pain and pretending it doesn’t matter, doesn’t get you anywhere, but moving through pain together does. Consider the past and build a relationship in the present are how you forge a family.
November 4, 2020
I just voted, and it feels great.
Not every day is election day but on that day it’s great to be able to cast my vote. To be heard is a privilege. Families are not democracies. Parents, stepparents, grandparents, whoever are the unelected leaders but they’re not dictators either. Wise is the parent who helps each family member find a way to have a voice. It’s not a vote, parents are still parents, but an opportunity to be heard. Listen to each other, share, discuss, and at times debate. Above all, talk to God and listen to Him.
November 3, 2020
Quick judgments often lead to foolish responses.
With little information we make quick judgments about the motives of politicians, celebrities, and our children. Proverbs 20 applies to all people but it certainly offers parents and stepparents wisdom. “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters,” it says, “but a man of understanding draws them out.” A wise parent probes with questions, listens, and slowly determines what motivated a child’s actions. Then they respond, not just to the outward behavior but to the character they seek to shape.
November 2, 2020
When you check into a hotel, it feels like home, right?
Walking into a hotel room with a suitcase to find an empty closet is a reminder you’re a visitor. That’s why I encourage co-parents not to make their kids pack a suitcase before going to the other home. That’s what visitors do. Sure, they’ll carry their cell phone and homework, but their closet should be filled with their stuff. Even the clothes they’re wearing are the child’s clothes, not yours. We call it visitation, but they’re not visiting. Make sure they know they belong in both homes.
October 30, 2020
Compassionately correcting a friend is an act of love.
Today’s culture says that it’s loving to be tolerant. I have my truth, you have yours, and anyone who suggests otherwise is intolerant and unloving. Contrast that to God’s word, Proverbs 27: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Real love, God says, is willing to correct a friend or a loved one—that is evidence of love, but saying nothing, is withholding love. It’s weak and selfish. Don’t be intimidated about graciously and kindly sharing truth. Sometimes it’s what love does.
October 29, 2020
I’m constantly amazed at how we keep moving the morality line. A survey in America examined whether people thought things like flirtatious texting was cheating on your spouse. Opinions varied but what surprised me was how people transformed black and white lines into gray. About 20% of Christians said a one-night stand or ongoing sex with someone other than your spouse was NOT cheating. What? You know what would clear this up. Ask your spouse if they would consider you having a one-night stand cheating. I bet the line is clearly drawn then.
October 28, 2020
Fight, fight! When new siblings don’t get along.
Jessica’s daughter gets along great with her stepsister who’s about the same age, but the older stepsister wants nothing to do with her. And everyone feels the tension. Respond to sibling conflict by helping them resolve the issue, but when one sibling is holding out or mistreating the other coach them toward love. Call them up to decency and generosity and encourage leadership in older siblings. Help them see the opportunity, not the inconvenience, of being a positive influence.
October 27, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.