FamilyLife Blended®

Ron L. Deal

Live the Bible at Home (Colossians 3)

November 30, 2020

You know, sometimes the best thing you can do with the Bible, is live it. Ask yourself as you listen to Colossians 3 how to live out these words today in your own home. …clothe yourselves for compassion, perhaps for a friend. Kindness, in a relationship. Gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts and be thankful.

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So, what do you think, do we grieve well? First, no, we don’t grieve well as a society. It’s un-American to sit in our sorrow. And second, we think we have dealt with the past. That’s one reason people marry quickly again after a divorce or being widowed only to discover that grief is waiting for them on the other side of the wedding and the kids are grieving, too. And, now are resentful of your quick turnaround marriage. Look, grief needs your full attention. Don’t act like it doesn’t.
November 27, 2020
Ever had someone thankful for you? Well, I have. And it feels good. And what if they thanked God for you? That really feels good because they see in some eternal sense that God has brought a blessing to them through you. In the Bible Paul expressed thanksgiving to God for his spiritual family because he held them “close in his heart,” Philippians says. Maybe we should do the same. This Thanksgiving tell the people you value most how thankful to God you are for them. You need to say it and they need to hear it.
November 26, 2020
Were there any rituals at your wedding? Many modern stepfamily weddings include the Blending of the Family Sands ceremony in which each adult and child pours a vase of sand into a larger vase signifying the new family. The sand symbolizes the couple's journey into love, but it’s just the beginning for the kids and the entire family. The ceremony doesn’t create familyness…life does. Remain dedicated to the process of merging your sand while you embrace your evolving mosaic as a family. Pour yourself in and trust God with the process.
November 25, 2020
When the road gets long, just keep going. It’s not true for all but some stepfamilies tell me they feel like Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt for the Promised Land. They left something horrible but it's taking longer to get there than they thought. Besides, they’re carrying baggage and when children slow their progress, they wonder if they should have stayed in Egypt. So begins the grumbling and complaining. But I say, like the Israelites, God is leading your journey. In your weariness, trust Him, and He’ll see you through.
November 24, 2020
Never satisfied are the eyes of man. When Proverbs 27 in the Bible says the eyes of people are never satisfied, it is warning us against being hungry for more wealth. But it’s not just wealth you’ll want more of. You’ll want your spouse to be more like your friend’s spouse. Of course, you don’t know what life is really like on the inside. This could be said about your children, your job, or your clothes. Eyes that are never satisfied are blinded by envy and jealousy. Find joy in what you have and trust God for what you really need.
November 23, 2020
Do you want a good marriage? Start by doing some math. Marital researcher John Gottman found that healthy long-term couple relationships maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positives to negatives. In other words, they make five deposits for every one withdrawal. For every act of selfishness, there is one act of kindness and sacrifice. You know, no one puts money in your financial bank but you and if you don’t invest, you’ll have nothing for the future. The same is true for your marriage. Besides, the dividends you get in return are well worth the investment.
November 20, 2020
Most families have some unwritten codes of conduct and you better abide by them.  We all know the unwritten rules and most of us abide by them. You don’t talk about dad’s bathroom habits or post pictures of mom’s morning hair. But what if a child, “an inside man” if you will, is telling your secrets to their other home and it’s hurting your relationship. Get direct. “Hey, because I love you and want to trust you, I need to ask you to stop.” My article, Telling Secrets, gives more details about this. But bottom line: don’t be passive, speak up. Your family is worth it.
November 19, 2020
You want to be a blessing to your children, right? Well here’s how. According to Proverbs 20:7, “Walking with integrity blesses our children.” When we walk with God we teach our children a wisdom that informs their life. But catch this. Even in a difficult situation with one of your kids like if a child is rebelling, or stress is fracturing your family, or if you’re a stepparent and the child is completely closed to you, even then you can always bring the gift of righteousness to the child. Your integrity has the power to influence them for good.
November 18, 2020
Moving between homes is stressful for kids. One antidote is a smooth transition. A smooth transition helps kids feel safe to be themselves. They’re not pawns between waring nations. "I try to have a good attitude,” said Cindy, “but I can’t help but come unglued if my ex-husband looks at me wrong.” Ah, therein lies part of the problem. Cindy makes the transition about her instead of about her children. I’m glad that Cindy is aware of her vulnerability, but she has to grow beyond it. Make the transition smoother for your children by making it about them, not you.
November 17, 2020
A French poet once said, “A brother is a friend given by nature.” Well, what if the brother was given by marriage? Millions of Americans have a half-sibling or stepsibling and like full-siblings, the ties that bind vary from close to distant. But parents and stepparents can foster stronger bonds between half and stepsiblings by helping kids come together around common interests. Time spent playing a game or cheering for one another’s extracurricular activities are a good start. But eventually, they’ll have to figure out their relationship. In the meantime, encourage them to love each other by loving them.
November 16, 2020
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About FamilyLife Blended®

FamilyLife Blended® provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

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