I’ve Never Experienced a Blended Family
August 10, 2020
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Ron, this is so hard for me to relate to. I’ve never experienced a blended family. Well, maybe you have.
I meet people who can’t relate to stepfamilies because they’ve never lived in one. Well, you’re part of a church, right? Many churches look and feel like stepfamilies. They have a diverse membership from a variety of theological and ethnic backgrounds seeking a common worship style, belief, and practice. Or, when a church changes pastors they get a new stepparent, so to speak, with a different style that some welcome and others resent. Maybe you know more about blended families than you think.
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Sometimes, to settle an argument, flip a coin.
I know that sounds simplistic, but the Bible in Proverbs 18:18 has practical guidance for solving a problem. “Casting the lot settles disputes and keeps strong opponents apart.” Apparently adding chance to the equation gets you beyond the impasse. Hey, Rock, Paper, Scissors settled fights between my kids about who goes first! And, going second taught our kids about delaying their wants, considering the needs of others, and being less selfish. Now, there’s a life lesson for us adults, too.
August 7, 2020
Okay, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
I always try to get parents and stepparents to understand kids better so they’ll be more patient with them and agents of healing for them. Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger.” Children in stepfamilies have been through a lot. That doesn’t excuse their behavior, but making sense of it is vital if you’re going to know how to respond. Like, seeing sadness behind a child’s frustration. That insight will add compassion to your response and that changes everything for a child.
August 6, 2020
Yeah, Ron, I guess I got whooped by a 9-year-old.
Tim was reflecting on his marriage and how it had ended in divorce. We had talked about how the health of a stepfamily marriage is intertwined with the overall health of the entire family. In his case, he and his wife couldn’t agree on how to parent her 9-year-old son. Now let me be clear, couples in first marriages can lose their relationship to the kids, too. But parent matters can rapidly divide a stepfamily couple. So if someone you know is struggling encourage them to find parental unity.
August 5, 2020
Why would you jump out of a perfectly good airplane?
Once, during a flight, the pilot came on and said, “We’re experiencing some turbulence and have turned on the fasten seat belt sign for your protection. If you get out of your seat and break your arm, it’s on your nickel.” While we didn’t appreciate his tone, we did value the caution. Okay, anyone trying to blend a stepfamily should heed this caution, “Buckle your seatbelts and remain seated. The ride may be bumpy for a while, but it will smooth out. Press on, and don’t jump out of the plane!”
August 4, 2020
For many kids the summer visitation schedule is over. It’s time to transition back to the other home.
This is one of those occasions where people are a little sad about leaving, glad about arriving, and perhaps a little confused about how to manage the transition. Initially, a lot of emotion can be bouncing around so give each other some space. Parents, you may be eager to hear about your kid’s summer, but sometimes they need a little adjustment time. Let them tell you when they are ready. And, both of you need a little space to get back into the household routine and prepare for school.
August 3, 2020
When you woke up today, you got to decide what clothes to put on.
That is, unless you’re two, in which case, someone chose for you. But most of us got to decide what clothes to put on. In the Bible, in Colossians 3 we’re told to “Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, and above all, love.” You decide to wear these virtues as you go throughout your day and in so doing, reflect Jesus to your friends, family, and the world. It might not feel natural at first, but the more you wear these clothes, the more naturally they fit.
July 31, 2020
We expect the world to try to pull our kids away from Christ, but sometimes, it’s their own family.
For millions of kids of divorce, the beliefs taught in their two homes couldn’t be further apart. One mom asked how she could share the gospel with her two girls who live with their unbelieving father. Of course, she’s praying for them and she can share biblical wisdom and insight, even at a distance, through texting and social media. When the kids visit, she can share her faith community with them. Don’t shove the Bible down their throats; just let the good news come alive in their presence.
July 30, 2020
Sometimes, the road to marital happiness is a lot longer than you thought.
Nearly every newly-wed couple experiences discouragement on their way to happily ever after. In stepfamily couples, the pre-marriage fantasy of marital peace and harmony usually doesn’t become reality for five or more years because it takes the family that long to figure out how to be a family. Merging people and cultures takes a while. That’s why I like to joke that for stepfamily couples, the honeymoon comes at the end of the journey, not at the beginning. It may be longer but it's worth it.
July 29, 2020
Do you remember that old adage about why you have two ears and only one mouth?
Answer: So, you can listen twice as much as you talk. The art of listening can deepen the intimacy of any relationship and improve your parenting, but you have to work at it—strive to understand, acknowledge, and give consideration to others. The Bible in Proverbs 18 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” If you want to increase your emotional intelligence and strengthen your relationships learn to listen really well.
July 28, 2020
Well folks, it’s time for a confession. I got it wrong.
For many years I misreported and said the divorce rate for second marriages was 60 percent and 73 percent for third marriages. My numbers were based on a census report but thankfully my friend, Shaunti Feldhahn, discovered in doing research for her book, The Good News About Marriage, that the data was misreported by an official. The mistake was reported around the world. We now know that we overestimated the blended family divorce rate by 10-30 percent. Hey, my mistake is good news for you.
July 27, 2020
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