Don’t Jump: Be Determined
August 4, 2020
00:00
Why would you jump out of a perfectly good airplane?
Once, during a flight, the pilot came on and said, “We’re experiencing some turbulence and have turned on the fasten seat belt sign for your protection. If you get out of your seat and break your arm, it’s on your nickel.” While we didn’t appreciate his tone, we did value the caution. Okay, anyone trying to blend a stepfamily should heed this caution, “Buckle your seatbelts and remain seated. The ride may be bumpy for a while, but it will smooth out. Press on, and don’t jump out of the plane!”
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For many kids the summer visitation schedule is over. It’s time to transition back to the other home.
This is one of those occasions where people are a little sad about leaving, glad about arriving, and perhaps a little confused about how to manage the transition. Initially, a lot of emotion can be bouncing around so give each other some space. Parents, you may be eager to hear about your kid’s summer, but sometimes they need a little adjustment time. Let them tell you when they are ready. And, both of you need a little space to get back into the household routine and prepare for school.
August 3, 2020
When you woke up today, you got to decide what clothes to put on.
That is, unless you’re two, in which case, someone chose for you. But most of us got to decide what clothes to put on. In the Bible, in Colossians 3 we’re told to “Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, and above all, love.” You decide to wear these virtues as you go throughout your day and in so doing, reflect Jesus to your friends, family, and the world. It might not feel natural at first, but the more you wear these clothes, the more naturally they fit.
July 31, 2020
We expect the world to try to pull our kids away from Christ, but sometimes, it’s their own family.
For millions of kids of divorce, the beliefs taught in their two homes couldn’t be further apart. One mom asked how she could share the gospel with her two girls who live with their unbelieving father. Of course, she’s praying for them and she can share biblical wisdom and insight, even at a distance, through texting and social media. When the kids visit, she can share her faith community with them. Don’t shove the Bible down their throats; just let the good news come alive in their presence.
July 30, 2020
Sometimes, the road to marital happiness is a lot longer than you thought.
Nearly every newly-wed couple experiences discouragement on their way to happily ever after. In stepfamily couples, the pre-marriage fantasy of marital peace and harmony usually doesn’t become reality for five or more years because it takes the family that long to figure out how to be a family. Merging people and cultures takes a while. That’s why I like to joke that for stepfamily couples, the honeymoon comes at the end of the journey, not at the beginning. It may be longer but it's worth it.
July 29, 2020
Do you remember that old adage about why you have two ears and only one mouth?
Answer: So, you can listen twice as much as you talk. The art of listening can deepen the intimacy of any relationship and improve your parenting, but you have to work at it—strive to understand, acknowledge, and give consideration to others. The Bible in Proverbs 18 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” If you want to increase your emotional intelligence and strengthen your relationships learn to listen really well.
July 28, 2020
Well folks, it’s time for a confession. I got it wrong.
For many years I misreported and said the divorce rate for second marriages was 60 percent and 73 percent for third marriages. My numbers were based on a census report but thankfully my friend, Shaunti Feldhahn, discovered in doing research for her book, The Good News About Marriage, that the data was misreported by an official. The mistake was reported around the world. We now know that we overestimated the blended family divorce rate by 10-30 percent. Hey, my mistake is good news for you.
July 27, 2020
Yeah, most couples divorce anyway so if you’re having problems, just accept the inevitable.
That’s not right. It’s based on the belief that half of marriages end in divorce which isn’t true. Actually, most couples report they are "somewhat to very happy." But what if you’re not happy? Let me encourage you to stick it out. Research clearly shows that couples who stay together during a time of distress report years later being very happy they did. And stepfamily couples who stay married at least five years discover many rewards just because they didn’t quit. Don't give up!
July 24, 2020
Today, a word of encouragement to stepparents: just keep on trucking.
We all do and say childish things. That’s why I love it when someone grows up, gains perspective, and then reflects back on who they were. Jason’s online post is a good example. “We’re going to be angry,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re the best stepdad ever; it’s not your fault. At 15 I felt like something was wrong with me or my mom and it made me mad. But don’t despair, stepparents, we usually come around. Keep on trucking. You make a difference even if your stepchild can’t admit it.”
July 23, 2020
Are you so bold as to insult God?
Proverbs 17:5 says that when you mock the poor, you insult their Maker. After all, they are made in His image. To disparage them is to speak against God. Have you ever made a passing sarcastic remark about a homeless person? And if you made that remark in front of a child or an unbeliever, you insult God and you make faith less attractive. Look, you may have just given your last ten bucks to a homeless person but at the next corner take kindness out of your wallet. You always have that to give.
July 22, 2020
Have you ever had someone get mad at you…because you forgave them?
Normally seeking forgiveness brings restoration but what if in pride the person you forgave is offended? What do you do? Because reconciliation requires two people and forgiveness only one, you can still forgive the person in your heart and treat them as forgiven but you can’t restore the relationship. Don’t argue over whether forgiveness was necessary. Release your resentment for the offense and love them. Who knows? Eventually, responding with a merciful heart might soften their pride.
July 21, 2020
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.