The Art of Listening
July 28, 2020
00:00
Do you remember that old adage about why you have two ears and only one mouth?
Answer: So, you can listen twice as much as you talk. The art of listening can deepen the intimacy of any relationship and improve your parenting, but you have to work at it—strive to understand, acknowledge, and give consideration to others. The Bible in Proverbs 18 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” If you want to increase your emotional intelligence and strengthen your relationships learn to listen really well.
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Well folks, it’s time for a confession. I got it wrong.
For many years I misreported and said the divorce rate for second marriages was 60 percent and 73 percent for third marriages. My numbers were based on a census report but thankfully my friend, Shaunti Feldhahn, discovered in doing research for her book, The Good News About Marriage, that the data was misreported by an official. The mistake was reported around the world. We now know that we overestimated the blended family divorce rate by 10-30 percent. Hey, my mistake is good news for you.
July 27, 2020
Yeah, most couples divorce anyway so if you’re having problems, just accept the inevitable.
That’s not right. It’s based on the belief that half of marriages end in divorce which isn’t true. Actually, most couples report they are "somewhat to very happy." But what if you’re not happy? Let me encourage you to stick it out. Research clearly shows that couples who stay together during a time of distress report years later being very happy they did. And stepfamily couples who stay married at least five years discover many rewards just because they didn’t quit. Don't give up!
July 24, 2020
Today, a word of encouragement to stepparents: just keep on trucking.
We all do and say childish things. That’s why I love it when someone grows up, gains perspective, and then reflects back on who they were. Jason’s online post is a good example. “We’re going to be angry,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re the best stepdad ever; it’s not your fault. At 15 I felt like something was wrong with me or my mom and it made me mad. But don’t despair, stepparents, we usually come around. Keep on trucking. You make a difference even if your stepchild can’t admit it.”
July 23, 2020
Are you so bold as to insult God?
Proverbs 17:5 says that when you mock the poor, you insult their Maker. After all, they are made in His image. To disparage them is to speak against God. Have you ever made a passing sarcastic remark about a homeless person? And if you made that remark in front of a child or an unbeliever, you insult God and you make faith less attractive. Look, you may have just given your last ten bucks to a homeless person but at the next corner take kindness out of your wallet. You always have that to give.
July 22, 2020
Have you ever had someone get mad at you…because you forgave them?
Normally seeking forgiveness brings restoration but what if in pride the person you forgave is offended? What do you do? Because reconciliation requires two people and forgiveness only one, you can still forgive the person in your heart and treat them as forgiven but you can’t restore the relationship. Don’t argue over whether forgiveness was necessary. Release your resentment for the offense and love them. Who knows? Eventually, responding with a merciful heart might soften their pride.
July 21, 2020
Want to influence someone for good? Speak with the wisdom of God.
Words can push people away or invite them closer. Harsh or critical words will result in people moving away from us but compassionate, insightful words draw them closer. Of course, foolish people are double trouble. They have a “closed mind” and an “open mouth” but according to Proverbs 18 wise words are like fresh water from a fountain that just keeps coming. Where do you get wise words? Study God’s word and commit it to heart and you will speak and influence others with the wisdom of God.
July 20, 2020
A foolish child will make your soul ache.
Twice in Proverbs 17 the author points out that a foolish child brings grief and bitterness to a parent’s heart. And, in my experience, if there’s a stepparent involved their heart aches, too. They may not fully understand the situation, but they care deeply about the child. Sometimes they want to help. But if the biological parent feels paralyzed to do anything they may block any help. It’s never too late. Come together as parents, find help, and learn ways to fight for the heart of your child.
July 17, 2020
Hey, have you heard this one: Two lips walk into a fight…
Actually, it’s no joke. In the Bible Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight.” Yes, what you say can start an argument. That’s true in many situations. But here’s a mistake parents and stepparents make with teens: when you’re irritated with them and immediately launch into a lecture assuming you know what’s motivating them. How much better to pause and ask a question about what’s going on behind the scenes. Listen first. Then if appropriate, you can always come back to the lecture.
July 16, 2020
Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?
Some do but most don’t have any idea. Or maybe, we do. Romans 8 reminds us that sin made us outsiders with God but through Christ God has adopted us as His children. What would happen if we opened our hearts to an outsider and invited them in? A lonely kid on the playground would have a friend. A new family member would be treated as if they belong. Someone of a different color would be welcome in your living room. And a newcomer to church would receive five invitations to lunch. Let’s adopt.
July 15, 2020
What right do you Christians have to tell us about marriage you can’t even get it right yourself?
Have you ever heard the argument that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is the same as for non-Christians? Well, that’s just not true. Actually, for those who practice their faith on a daily basis and regularly attend church, their divorce rate is just 15-20 percent. Far lower than the general population. Those who live the gospel within their marriage and family are happier and healthier than those who don’t. Your marriage can be a living testimony to the love of God. Let’s share it.
July 14, 2020
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.