The Dangers of Passive Parenting (Proverbs 19)
October 2, 2020
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Why would a parent put their child to death?
There’s an odd expression in Proverbs 19. “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.” The author is saying discipline teaches a child how to live, but passive parents set their kids up for self-destruction. What would make a parent passive? Not knowing how to discipline and the fear of losing kids to the other home paralyzes parents and stepparents. But passivity leads to death. Find your nerve as a parent and offer them life, instead.
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Empathy can bless your home.
In the workplace and in families, people can experience the same interaction very differently. How do you bridge that gap? Learn empathy—the ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person. Feeling life from their vantage point helps you understand them. Members of a blended family often have very different experiences of each other. Applying empathy helps everyone bridge their gaps, find compassion for each other, and strengthen their home.
October 1, 2020
I’m wondering…how much is your mate worth to you?
We might inherit wealth from our ancestors but Proverbs 19:14 says “a prudent wife” is from the Lord. It’s easy to get caught up in the riches of life but when that comes at the expense of valuing our mate, we lose sight of what matters. A wise and loving mate is to be valued, honored, and appreciated. She needs to know you value her and God desires to hear your gratitude for His provision. Keep an eternal view. Your stuff will pass to the next generation, but love will be carried into eternity.
September 30, 2020
Sometimes, loss is hidden just below the surface.
Some unwanted transition resulted in a blended family. Sometimes that loss is hidden, especially to the adults. Emily has been in her stepson’s life since he was two so she assumes he won’t be affected by loss. But in time he may grieve all the complications of his parent’s divorce. Loss is revealed over time and developmental stages bring new losses to the surface for children. Don’t let your feelings define a child’s. Empathize and when hidden losses are uncovered, help them grieve.
September 29, 2020
When you hear the word stepfamily, which narrative do you think of?
Of course, some will immediately think “Brady Bunch,” while others think of fairy tales and the evil stepmother. You could think of the biblical family of Jacob, who had at least 13 children by four women (that was a mess), or the families of Abraham and David or of Jesus (that one worked out really well). Or what about the narrative of the church; sons and daughters, adopted by the King, grafted into his eternal family. Whichever one you pick, make sure your family narrative is written by God.
September 28, 2020
Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It’s courage that counts.
Those are the words of legendary coach John Wooden. He also said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” I want my kids to get that. They can’t do everything, but they can put to use their God-given gifts. I’d also pray those words over stepparents, who can’t control a stepchild’s openness to them, on biological parents in blended families, who can’t make everyone happy all the time and on stepchildren who wish that the death or divorce had never happened.
September 25, 2020
Finally, I let myself love again.
When people go through a significant breakup they sometimes get cautious about loving again. Carissa shared that she built a huge wall around her heart after her first husband changed for the worse. She assumed then that her second husband would do the same; she expected to be disappointed. But when he didn’t disappoint her she realized her wall was still up and it had to come down. Find courage like Carissa. Break down your wall; trust God; and let yourself love and be loved.
September 24, 2020
Today’s blended family…needs a grace-filled grandparent.
Stepfamilies are filled with loyalty wars so what every family needs is a grandparent who refuses to play the chess match competing for people’s loyalties. They love all grandchildren, whether biological or step, and spend time with them and celebrate who they are. And, when the blame wars start between homes they’re not manipulated by agendas and quietly remind family members to extend forgiveness. This kind of grace ripples throughout a family tree and seeds life into a blended family.
September 23, 2020
So, guys, how fat is your wife?
Maybe I should clarify what I mean. How fat with your love is your wife? In Ephesians 5, God encourages us men to feed and care for our wives like you feed and care for your own body. I’ve often thought that if I love my wife the way I feed my body; she should be pleasantly plump with love. Love is one case where she’d like to be fat if you know what I mean. So, the next time you stick food in your mouth ask yourself, “how well am I feeding and caring for my wife?” Believe me, she’ll eat it up.
September 22, 2020
This is ironic, in today’s digital world we’re more connected and disconnected than ever before.
Jealousy and envy are at an all-time high in our culture. Why? Because the daily “highlight reel” of social media makes everyone else’s life look perfect. So, while we’re seemingly more connected to other people’s lives, we distance ourselves in envy because our lives don’t compete. The way to truly connect between families and within your family is through transparency. Find the courage to give your family and friends a chance to love the real you; and see if they don’t return the favor.
September 21, 2020
In biological families, when a husband and wife move toward each other, they bring their children with them.
Children are blessed when mom and dad love each other and spend time together. But in the beginning in a stepfamily it’s different. When a parent and stepparent spend time together children sometimes feel pushed aside. This naturally puts the biological parent in the middle. That’s a big difference between biological families and blended families. But what’s the same is how God’s instruction to extend grace and apply patience to relationships softens the competition and brings people together.
September 18, 2020
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