Different & the Same—Value One Another
September 18, 2020
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In biological families, when a husband and wife move toward each other, they bring their children with them.
Children are blessed when mom and dad love each other and spend time together. But in the beginning in a stepfamily it’s different. When a parent and stepparent spend time together children sometimes feel pushed aside. This naturally puts the biological parent in the middle. That’s a big difference between biological families and blended families. But what’s the same is how God’s instruction to extend grace and apply patience to relationships softens the competition and brings people together.
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Ron, he has nothing to do with them. He has completely shut down toward my kids.
I think foster parents and stepparents are heroes because they sacrificially chose to love, provide for, and raise a child not their own, sometimes in difficult circumstances. That’s why it pains me when I hear about a stepparent who is M.I.A. It’s rare, but some refuse to help pay for college, spend one-on-one time with the kids, or to even emotionally engage at all. Hey, when you married the parent you married the package. Don't miss this great opportunity. Bring the gift of you to a child.
September 17, 2020
Now, as far as national days go, Mother’s Day and Thanksgiving I get. But Bologna Day?
There’s Fruitcake Toss Day; Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day; Chocolate Cake Day (I’m an advocate for that one); Work Naked Day (I’m not an advocate for that one); Talk Like Yoda Day; and No Rhyme or Reason Day. If you ask me most of these days have no rhyme or reason. For example, today, September 16 is Collect Rocks Day, Guacamole Day, and National Stepfamily Day. Hey, blended families, today’s your day. So, get out there and collect some rocks, eat guacamole, and celebrate!
September 16, 2020
Someone once said that being nagged is like being nibbled to death by a duck.
Well, it seems the book of Proverbs agrees because five times it makes reference to a quarrelsome spouse who is like a continual dripping of rain, it says. Apparently nagging is like water torture. Why do people nag? Because they are unhappy with something. But the question is, does nagging work? Well, in the short term it might get you what you want but in the long run, it won’t get you what you need: peace and harmony in your relationships. So please, stop nagging.
September 15, 2020
In today’s complex families, grandparents are confused.
Okay, grandparent, let’s say, your son is divorced, and you help to fill gaps; when the kids are at their mother’s do you still help out? And, if your son marries a woman with children do you sacrifice time with your biological grandkids to support your stepgrandkids? I realize it’s tough. You’ve got a lot to offer but you do have to answer these questions. So, sit down with your loved-ones and have a candid conversation. Define what each of you expects of the other and how you will work together.
September 14, 2020
Tragedy and hope—what a strange combination.
Sheri Ladley lost her husband, James, on September 11, 2001. Her two children lost their father. Their family lost their joy. The 9/11 attacks were tragic for all Americans, but for Sheri and her kids, it was deeply tragic. Since then our country has rebuilt some of what it has lost. Sheri’s family has, too. She remarried and had a daughter whose middle name is Hope. This year on 9/11 let’s remember the people we lost and the tragedy that changed everything. And let’s cling to the One who heals.
September 11, 2020
Is your family communication filtered or unfiltered?
In this digital age we have many communication filtering options. Say your mobile phone rings, but you let it go to voicemail. You listen to the message and reply with a text. That’s filtering. This has pros and cons. For blended families, filtering can help reduce conflict in strained relationships. But if new family members don’t stop filtering they’ll never develop a genuine relationship. The way to add depth is to actually talk and hang out in person. That throwback idea needs a comeback.
September 10, 2020
Do you see that smile on that older person’s face? They must be a grandparent.
It’s true, isn’t it? Just ask someone about their grandkids and their face lights up, they show you pictures, and they get giddy all of a sudden. No wonder Proverbs 17:6 says that grandchildren are the crown, or should I say the “reason for joy,” of the aged. Now sometimes in blended families grandchildren bring an added blessing: they unite the family. To a grandchild there’s no grandparent and stepgrandparent. They don’t’ know the family history and don’t care. You’re just someone they love.
September 9, 2020
I once witnessed someone act in a mature, loving way and I learned a lot.
A friend stood up against an injustice. A group of people were standing by when his wife heard about what he did and because he put himself in harm’s way she reacted in anger. He could have gotten defensive that she chastised him in public, but instead he responded gently. Mature friends and lovers stay connected to people even when they are angry with them, and because their focus is on the other person, they can tell when anger is really worry and find a loving spirit even when being attacked.
September 8, 2020
A biological family is born out of hopefulness while a stepfamily is born out of loss.
That sounds strange and it’s not meant to be negative or condescending rather it’s an important observation. Every stepfamily has a loss narrative just below the surface that impacts and influences every aspect of the family. For a child whose parent died, for example, embracing a stepparent can feel like burying their parent again. Sadness impacts bonding. Understanding this helps you listen better, have more patience, and support those you care about. The more you know, the better you love.
September 7, 2020
It’s a tough world out there; I say we lean in together.
I received a letter from a defeated stepmom. Her multi-layered complex stepfamily story shouted defeat. There’s drug addiction. The courts are involved. And in-laws who have legal custody of the children are making it tough. It’s really a difficult situation. And then there are those who say, “Well you got into this mess, you just have to get yourself out.” That’s not helpful. This stepmom is trying to be part of the solution. Let’s bring the power of the church to her side and lean in with her.
September 4, 2020
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