The Stepfamily Narrative
September 28, 2020
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When you hear the word stepfamily, which narrative do you think of?
Of course, some will immediately think “Brady Bunch,” while others think of fairy tales and the evil stepmother. You could think of the biblical family of Jacob, who had at least 13 children by four women (that was a mess), or the families of Abraham and David or of Jesus (that one worked out really well). Or what about the narrative of the church; sons and daughters, adopted by the King, grafted into his eternal family. Whichever one you pick, make sure your family narrative is written by God.
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Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It’s courage that counts.
Those are the words of legendary coach John Wooden. He also said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” I want my kids to get that. They can’t do everything, but they can put to use their God-given gifts. I’d also pray those words over stepparents, who can’t control a stepchild’s openness to them, on biological parents in blended families, who can’t make everyone happy all the time and on stepchildren who wish that the death or divorce had never happened.
September 25, 2020
Finally, I let myself love again.
When people go through a significant breakup they sometimes get cautious about loving again. Carissa shared that she built a huge wall around her heart after her first husband changed for the worse. She assumed then that her second husband would do the same; she expected to be disappointed. But when he didn’t disappoint her she realized her wall was still up and it had to come down. Find courage like Carissa. Break down your wall; trust God; and let yourself love and be loved.
September 24, 2020
Today’s blended family…needs a grace-filled grandparent.
Stepfamilies are filled with loyalty wars so what every family needs is a grandparent who refuses to play the chess match competing for people’s loyalties. They love all grandchildren, whether biological or step, and spend time with them and celebrate who they are. And, when the blame wars start between homes they’re not manipulated by agendas and quietly remind family members to extend forgiveness. This kind of grace ripples throughout a family tree and seeds life into a blended family.
September 23, 2020
So, guys, how fat is your wife?
Maybe I should clarify what I mean. How fat with your love is your wife? In Ephesians 5, God encourages us men to feed and care for our wives like you feed and care for your own body. I’ve often thought that if I love my wife the way I feed my body; she should be pleasantly plump with love. Love is one case where she’d like to be fat if you know what I mean. So, the next time you stick food in your mouth ask yourself, “how well am I feeding and caring for my wife?” Believe me, she’ll eat it up.
September 22, 2020
This is ironic, in today’s digital world we’re more connected and disconnected than ever before.
Jealousy and envy are at an all-time high in our culture. Why? Because the daily “highlight reel” of social media makes everyone else’s life look perfect. So, while we’re seemingly more connected to other people’s lives, we distance ourselves in envy because our lives don’t compete. The way to truly connect between families and within your family is through transparency. Find the courage to give your family and friends a chance to love the real you; and see if they don’t return the favor.
September 21, 2020
In biological families, when a husband and wife move toward each other, they bring their children with them.
Children are blessed when mom and dad love each other and spend time together. But in the beginning in a stepfamily it’s different. When a parent and stepparent spend time together children sometimes feel pushed aside. This naturally puts the biological parent in the middle. That’s a big difference between biological families and blended families. But what’s the same is how God’s instruction to extend grace and apply patience to relationships softens the competition and brings people together.
September 18, 2020
Ron, he has nothing to do with them. He has completely shut down toward my kids.
I think foster parents and stepparents are heroes because they sacrificially chose to love, provide for, and raise a child not their own, sometimes in difficult circumstances. That’s why it pains me when I hear about a stepparent who is M.I.A. It’s rare, but some refuse to help pay for college, spend one-on-one time with the kids, or to even emotionally engage at all. Hey, when you married the parent you married the package. Don't miss this great opportunity. Bring the gift of you to a child.
September 17, 2020
Now, as far as national days go, Mother’s Day and Thanksgiving I get. But Bologna Day?
There’s Fruitcake Toss Day; Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day; Chocolate Cake Day (I’m an advocate for that one); Work Naked Day (I’m not an advocate for that one); Talk Like Yoda Day; and No Rhyme or Reason Day. If you ask me most of these days have no rhyme or reason. For example, today, September 16 is Collect Rocks Day, Guacamole Day, and National Stepfamily Day. Hey, blended families, today’s your day. So, get out there and collect some rocks, eat guacamole, and celebrate!
September 16, 2020
Someone once said that being nagged is like being nibbled to death by a duck.
Well, it seems the book of Proverbs agrees because five times it makes reference to a quarrelsome spouse who is like a continual dripping of rain, it says. Apparently nagging is like water torture. Why do people nag? Because they are unhappy with something. But the question is, does nagging work? Well, in the short term it might get you what you want but in the long run, it won’t get you what you need: peace and harmony in your relationships. So please, stop nagging.
September 15, 2020
In today’s complex families, grandparents are confused.
Okay, grandparent, let’s say, your son is divorced, and you help to fill gaps; when the kids are at their mother’s do you still help out? And, if your son marries a woman with children do you sacrifice time with your biological grandkids to support your stepgrandkids? I realize it’s tough. You’ve got a lot to offer but you do have to answer these questions. So, sit down with your loved-ones and have a candid conversation. Define what each of you expects of the other and how you will work together.
September 14, 2020
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