Stepfamily Pros & Cons: A Kid’s Perspective
August 27, 2020
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I see you judging me because my family isn’t “normal” but just like you, I didn’t choose my family.
Kaleigh, a teenager, posted online about the pros and cons of growing up in a blended family. The cons, according to her; watching one parent be saddened by the other, packing up her belongings and switching houses every week, losing some of her parent’s attention to new family members. The pros; having two homes support her and having a variety of siblings and relationships that brings new love into her life. Stepfamilies, like all families, have pros and cons that need God’s love and guidance.
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Yes, stepfamilies are different than biological families, but God’s principles still apply.
Every family and every season of family life has its unique challenges; blended families are no different. What’s the same, though, is that God’s principles for holy living still apply for everyone. In a biological family stress tends to move people toward one another when things get hard. But in a new stepfamily, stress tends to push insiders and outsiders apart. Thankfully God’s instruction that we cast our cares on him and manage conflict with kindness and love still works in ether situation.
August 26, 2020
I mean, come on. What’s so special about faith, hope, and love?
Philosophers like Aristotle have touted a list of virtues they say promote human flourishing. But what they really promote is the self. Faith, hope, and love make you look away from yourself toward God and others. With God’s virtues you become less self-centered, not more. So, in your home is your faith in yourself? Do you demand love and attention from others? If so, turn up and out. Put your faith and hope in God and love Him and your family with your whole heart. This is how we flourish.
August 25, 2020
Hey, if your kids and I can’t naturally get along then maybe we shouldn’t have gotten together in the first place. It shouldn’t have to be this much work.
Clearly this stepfather has tried to connect with his stepchildren, but the door is closed. Actually what’s “natural” for new blended family relationships is for them to be awkward and strained from time to time. It should take some intentional effort to forge through that. This stepdad’s expectation for quick family harmony has set him up for frustration and a critical attitude. Family stress is not an indication that you shouldn’t have married. It’s natural. Connect where you can and persevere.
August 24, 2020
Really? Jesus learned obedience?
When the writer of Hebrews 5 said Jesus “learned obedience through what he suffered,” he wasn’t suggesting Jesus was disobedient. He’s suggesting an obedient Jesus demonstrated a deeper understanding of the value of obedience through practicing it when he was tempted. Marriage and family relationships allow us the chance to practice obedience even when we’re tempted not to. We can choose to forgive when hurt and love even when taken for granted and in practicing obedience we mature in Christ.
August 21, 2020
Yes, Ron, this marriage and family are much better than my first and I feel guilty about it.
It sounds odd but that’s what some divorced and remarried people feel. The church doesn’t help when we’re condescending. The message is, “You had a failed marriage so you’re a failure and you don’t deserve to be happy.” What? I thought there was no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I think we’re all relying on that one. Yes, sin is dark and has consequences in this life. But that doesn’t mean a repentant heart can’t rest in the warmth of God’s mercy and grace. Shame free.
August 20, 2020
Help me. My family is falling apart.
Kathy's 20-year-old and 16-year-old daughters didn’t get along with their stepfather and their dad didn’t have any relationship with them. “It’s just a mess,” she said. “But I still have faith God will work this out.” Kathy, I’m sorry things are difficult right now. There’s no easy fix so I’m not going to belittle your circumstances with simplistic advice. Keep investing in your marriage because it's the foundation that allows you to rebuild your home. And, keep praying and don’t give up.
August 19, 2020
Wise stepparents honor their stepchildren’s past.
When Victoria married a widower with four kids she applied this advice and it paid off. When they moved her furniture into his house she noticed how “uprooted” the kids felt, so she made changes cautiously. First, the kitchen but their mother’s items were distributed or saved for each child. Then she waited five years to re-do the living room. And now, after seven years, for Christmas she gifted each child with a photo of their family of origin and the current stepfamily. Now, that’s wisdom.
August 18, 2020
They just don’t get it, Ron. Stepfamilies are not the same.
That comment came from a couple who had been to two pastors and multiple counselors for help with their marriage and blended family, but no one could help because they didn’t understand the differences in stepfamilies. So, I’m going to contrast how biological families and stepfamilies are different and the same. Why do that? Because if you’re a ministry leader, your program needs to adapt. And if you’re a stepparent or a future stepparent, you need to know how to approach your role differently.
August 17, 2020
Love is the language of heaven.
Paul, in the Bible, tells us that love is what lasts from this life into the next. When Christ comes again, love will be perfected. Love, then, is our destiny because it is the very essence of God, made known in the person of Jesus Christ. Now on a practical level, your marriage and family relationships are one practice field on which you learn the qualities, habits, and disciplines of love. So, spend some time today learning the language of heaven.
August 14, 2020
Is your family playing the game of Lock Out?
As a kid, I played a game called Lock Out. We would form a circle with linked arms and someone on the outside would try to get into the circle. The more the outsider pushed, the more the circle banded together. Sometimes stepfamilies play this game, too. An outsider stepparent or stepsibling is trying to break into the circle of insiders and find acceptance. The secret to getting inside is to not push. Instead, talk, interact, and get to know them. Eventually they will relax and let you in.
August 13, 2020
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