"Romanticize" Your Room
September 28, 2017
You think that's bad, I know of one stockbroker husband who had a ticker tape machine installed in his bedroom and kept it running, 24 - 7. He may have been able to watch the Dow Jones go up, but my guess is that the market for romance hit an all-time low.
Of course, wives can be guilty of de-romanticizing the bedroom, too. Mounds of laudry that need to be washed or folded or ironed are sure killers of romance. I know one man whose wife had so many African violets in their bedroon, he was afraid he was going to die in an avalanche of plants one night!
One final thought. Your bedroom needs to be a private, secure, romantic hideaway, not a place where husbands rebuild motorcycles or the kids gather to play games at midnight.
I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's very Real FamilyLife.
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As Barbara and I started having children, and as we began to experience more of the distractions and troubles that face a family, we discovered what Solomon calls the "little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are still in blossom," things like financial pressures, poor health, and teenagers who won't go to bed. But the biggest threats to romance in marriage include such things as wrong priorities, passivity, selfishness, unresolved conflict, unrealistic expectations, and having a critical spirit. But the deadliest romance-robbing fox is indifference, having an "I don't care" kind of attitude. One final thought. If the excitement is gone in out of your marriage and you're not sure why, you and your spouse need to just sit down and have a talk. It may not be fun, but together the two of you can start doing some "fox hunting." I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 27, 2017
The truth of the matter is that we really do make the time for the things that are most important to us. Personally, I believe strongly that romance needs to find a place on your schedule, too. At the Rainey house, we work hard to save some of our best for each other. When our kids were much younger, this was more difficult because raising children demands so much time and energy, not to mention getting babysitters! So occasionally we put the children to bed early and turned our bedroom into our own romantic café, complete with a small table, tablecloth, candles, and flowers (when I remembered to pick them up). Well, we ate there, we talked, and we relaxed. We didn't even have to leave the house to get away alone. One final thought. Even a simple stay-at-home date has to be scheduled. Why don't you make romance a priority in your marriage, starting tonight? I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 26, 2017
I once heard a story about a woman who told her counselor, "I don't love my husband anymore." Well, after hearing about all the things her husband wasn't doing, the counselor said, "For the next month, I want YOU to do for HIM everything you say he is not doing for you. Then I want you to come back and see me." Convinced this wouldn't work, the wife committed to doing what the counselor had requested. Well, a month went by and the woman returned. "So," said the counselor, "tell me about your lack of love for your husband." The wife exclaimed, "I've never been more in love with my husband in all my life! When I started doing what you told me to do, all of my feelings for my husband came back again!" One final thought. If that sounds a little too simplistic, I have a challenge for you. Why don't you try it? Prove me wrong. Who knows, maybe your feelings will return, too. I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 25, 2017
Although my wife and I technically had six children growing up in our home, occasionally we were visited by a seventh child named "Nobody." "Nobody" would do things like spill apple juice and peanut butter on the floor and then walk off and leave it. When games and toys were strewn all over the floor, all six children would give Nobody the blame. Of course, he never received credit for made beds or clean rooms. I think our invisible child, "Nobody," is a reflection of the irresponsibility that we all can show from time to time. One final thought. Have you noticed a tendency in your own life to deny your faults? When you have a disagreement, take responsibility for resolving it. And when you make a mistake, admit it quickly. Make sure there's not a "Nobody" living in your home. I'm Dennis Rainey and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 22, 2017
Here are some signs of isolation that you may notice in your marriage: First, a feeling that your spouse isn't hearing you and doesn't want to understand. Perhaps there's an attitude of, "Who cares?" "Why try?" "Tomorrow we'll talk about it--let's just get some sleep." Or maybe it's a feeling of being unable to meet the expectations of your spouse, to really please them. Another sign of isolation in marriage is a refusal to cope with what's really wrong: "That's your problem, not mine." And finally, there's a feeling that keeping the peace by avoiding conflict is better than the pain of dealing with reality. If those sound are familiar to you, don't despair. God loves to bring dead things to life, to reconcile relationships. One final thought. Fighting isolation takes a lot of hard work. It starts with humility and admitting, "I'm a art of the problem," and recognizing that you're also a part of the solution. Don't give up! I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 21, 2017
Just a few days before our second anniversary, Barbara went into labor with our first child. After 24 hours of watching the agony, I nearly passed out. I had to take a short walk, and when I returned, I was just in time to put on my scrubs. When the doctor delivered our daughter, it was a magnificent moment. We were both lost in the wonder and miracle of birth. At that point, the doctor could have said, "Well, do you want her?" I could have pulled Barbara aside and said, "What do you think? Her head is a little pointed." Of course we didn't do that! Through tears, we received our daughter as God's gift. One final thought. If you have been given the gift of a child, why don't you thank God for your son or your daughter tonight. Pull him or pull her aside, and give 'em a big hug, and him or her how thankful you are for God's gift. I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real Family Life.
September 20, 2017
Okay, guys, when your kids leave home, that's NOT time for unplugging from life, kicking back, and just relaxing. Far from it! But even if your children are young, I want to cast a vision for how you can become a patriarch. First, a patriarch is an influencer. He builds relationships and leads others through those relationships. Secondly, he's a protector. He protects future generations using Biblical truth. He protects them from the world's lies. Which means you and I need to better know God's Word and stay "in it." And third, he's a connector. He builds relationships with succeeding generations and he connects them to the past. One final thought. Your family responsibilities are far from over when the last child leaves home. Just think of it as a transition to a new and exciting role God has for you: a patriarch. I'm Dennis Rainey, I'm trying to become a patriarch, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 19, 2017
That is encouraging. We as parents have a responsibility to teach our children to consistently tell the truth. That can be difficult to do, because children are born with a natural tendency to lie. The prophet Jeremiah said, "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick. Who can understand it?" Unfortunately, it's not just children who tend to be deceitful. As adults, we're tempted to give phony reasons for not taking phone calls. We can stretch the truth and make up excuses for getting out of commitments. What kind of example is that setting for the next generation? One final thought. All of us have deceitful hearts and need to guard that heart against telling lies. If we as parents model integrity, we can then teach our children the importance of telling the truth. I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 18, 2017
Those ARE pretty special times. Having children is one of the highest callings God has ever given Barbara and me. There's no sweeter refrain than being called "Daddy" or "Mommy." There's no more noble mission in all of life than wholeheartedly embracing the privilege of shaping the soul of a little boy or a little girl for the rest of their lives. I doubt that at the end of your life, you could name a single thing that surpasses or even approaches the grand calling of being a parent. It is indeed one of the highest and most holy callings of life. One final thought. If you're not already doing so, begin praying about your family together as a couple. Ask God to enlarge your heart for children. Ask Him to bless your marriage with children, and to give you wisdom in raising them. I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real Family Life.
at's Real FamilyLife.
September 15, 2017
There was a time parents chose between public, private, and home schooling. Now there are also charter schools, and according to this young man, schools on the internet. I think we as parents need to look at three things in deciding where to send our children to school: First, our values. Second, the needs of our individual children. And third, our circumstances. My wife Barbara and I want our children to learn to share their faith with others that don't know Christ. That value has had an influence on our decision to send them to public school. When our children were younger, we home schooled because we felt that better served their needs at that time. One final thought. People will have a lot of opinions about the best type of school for your children. But the most important person to consider is your child. Make sure you understand his needs, and you will make a good decision. I'm Dennis Rainey, and that's Real FamilyLife.
September 14, 2017
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There are 8,760 hours in a year. You’ll spend roughly 2,080 of those hours at work. On average, almost 900 hours swiping on social media. How much family time are you getting in?