The Parental Unity Rules, Part 1
October 28, 2019
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Your strength in parenting comes in part from your unity as a team.
Parenting was meant to be a team sport. Here is the first rule to maintaining your parental unity. Be proactive. Don’t wait until problems occur to discuss your expectations, punishment, and how you’ll build character in your kids. That sounds like a no-brainer, but about half of stepfamily couples are parenting on the fly never discussing their parenting strategies. You have to work hard to get on the same parenting page and it’s important that you do. United you stand, but divided they fall.
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Fighting barriers in your marriage? Well, here’s another tip for reducing the cholesterol in your marital heart: Adapt to life, as needed.
Life throws us curves and when it does flexible people find a way to adapt. Cholesterol free couples get creative in handling their differences or compromise to work through a disagreement. They will change themselves in order to grow through a circumstance. But the cholesterol of rigidity and stubbornness keeps other couples stuck. They won't change or consider another point of view. Do you want a healthy blended marriage? Ask God to give you a flexible heart and be willing to adapt together.
October 25, 2019
All this week we’re talking about reducing the cholesterol in your marital heart. Today’s tip: Spend regular leisure time together.
You know everybody needs to relax. Well, healthy blended family couples make time for individual leisure activities and activities they can do together. Unhappy couples tend to just have individual interest but nothing they share. The cool thing is you get to define what's leisure to you and your spouse. It might be exercising together or reading and discussing a book or sky diving for that matter. Whatever is fun and enjoyable for you feeds your marriage.
October 24, 2019
All this week we’ve been talking about reducing the cholesterol in your marriage. Today’s tip: Deal with problems as they arise.
“Hi, I’m Ron, and I’m a natural conflict avoider.” Yes, I know this isn’t a 12-step group but if you’re like me you’d rather avoid conflict than deal with it. My research clearly shows that stepfamily couples who struggle are more likely to avoid their issues which just builds resentment. But healthy couples deal with problems as they arise by taking seriously the process of solving those problems together. All couples have conflict. The question is: is it managing you or are you managing it?
October 23, 2019
We all know that high cholesterol is bad for you, right? Well, here is another tip for reducing the cholesterol in your marital heart. Be a really good listener.
Listening is one of the most important and, honestly, one of the most difficult skills of marriage. It's hard to listen beneath your spouse’s words to how they feel and what the statement really means to them. All while not making assumptions or listening through a filter of what it means to you. Good listeners work really hard at understanding their spouse. Do you want a healthy blended marriage? Listening will help you love large with your whole heart, cholesterol free.
October 22, 2019
High Cholesterol is bad for your body, right. Well here’s a tip for reducing the cholesterol in your marital heart: Double check your attitude.
Research clearly shows that unhappy couples in blended families are moody, controlling, and stubborn. But vibrant couples are considerate of one another and sacrificial. Each lives and loves on behalf of their “Usness”. Healthy marriages are made in part by two people who are mindful that what they say and do and how they act each day contributes either to a healthy “Usness” or takes away from it. Do you want a healthy blended marriage? Love large with your whole heart, cholesterol free.
October 21, 2019
Learning to be a good parent, in part, means knowing what not to do.
Have you ever felt clueless as a parent? I have. It’s tempting to fall back on criticism, name-calling, yelling, or pleading with the child. Or to be the threatening-repeating parent who says, “You better not, or else…”, but it's just empty threats. These strategies get the job done but long term, they defeat your child’s spirit and ruin your authority as a parent--especially as a stepparent. Take time to learn about good parenting and stepparenting. The next generation is depending on you.
October 18, 2019
Kids in stepfamilies go through a lot. Which is one reason their parent can become overprotective.
A stepdad I know said, “My wife is so protective of her kids. She blocks me from asking them to do things and goes behind my back.” When your child has been through a lot you want to protect them. But when you continually guide, guard, and direct the stepparent or defend your kids at all costs, you cause a new set of problems and ironically, hurt your kids. When you treat them as fragile you keep them fragile. If you really want to help your kids, be their parent, not their overprotector.
October 17, 2019
Our God is a God of reconciliation. And any time we can reconcile a relationship, it’s a good thing.
Sometimes the tragic journey through the death of a parent or divorce, into a single parent home, and then into a stepfamily home can push a child and their parent far apart. Later if they try to heal their relationship it actually might be the stepparent who is the most hesitant to see them reconnect. Stepparents, you have many good reasons to be cautious but reconciliation is a good thing for all involved. Just remember, Christ is in the reconciliation business and as his disciples so are we.
October 16, 2019
Alright kids, stop listening. I’m going to tell your parents how to get you to stop arguing.
Arguing is an act of cooperation. A parent who can’t get their child to stop arguing is a parent who is arguing with their child. Come on. Be the parent. Stop entertaining the argument by listening to it. Yes, kids need to know the reason for your rule or decision—the values behind your rules are what you want to move them toward, right? But once an explanation has been given, stop standing there and empowering them to argue with you. Just turn and walk away.
October 15, 2019
When it comes to supporting couples in stepfamilies, everyone can play a part.
Encouragement is important. Help value the couple’s relationship and honor their vows. Kids: treat your parent’s marriage with respect and find a place for it in your heart. Even if you’re conflicted about it at times, treat them the way you would want to be treated. Church: serve stepcouples by providing practical premarital counseling and stepfamily education after the wedding. And couples: serve your own marriage and children by praying together frequently for wisdom to live up to your vows.
October 14, 2019
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