Stop the Argument Insanity
October 15, 2019
00:00
Alright kids, stop listening. I’m going to tell your parents how to get you to stop arguing.
Arguing is an act of cooperation. A parent who can’t get their child to stop arguing is a parent who is arguing with their child. Come on. Be the parent. Stop entertaining the argument by listening to it. Yes, kids need to know the reason for your rule or decision—the values behind your rules are what you want to move them toward, right? But once an explanation has been given, stop standing there and empowering them to argue with you. Just turn and walk away.
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When it comes to supporting couples in stepfamilies, everyone can play a part.
Encouragement is important. Help value the couple’s relationship and honor their vows. Kids: treat your parent’s marriage with respect and find a place for it in your heart. Even if you’re conflicted about it at times, treat them the way you would want to be treated. Church: serve stepcouples by providing practical premarital counseling and stepfamily education after the wedding. And couples: serve your own marriage and children by praying together frequently for wisdom to live up to your vows.
October 14, 2019
In the Bible, Hebrews 12 says that for the joy set before Him, Jesus “endured the cross.” Really? Was there joy in enduring the cross?
I doubt that it was in the physical suffering of the cross but rather in what Jesus knew was beyond it. Jesus knew there was great purpose resulting from the cross; reconciling man to God. That brought joy, a peace, and a perspective that transcended his circumstances. You may be facing some tough circumstances—financial stress or a frustrating family relationship—but if your heart is guided by love and righteousness, try to look past the immediate struggle for the joy that will come one day.
October 11, 2019
Parents today use too many words. It’s time we talk less, and act more.
We parents have this misguided idea that if we talk long enough, our children will agree with us and obey us with joy and gladness in their hearts. Ah, no. Of course kids are going to ask why they can’t do something and because teaching is an important part of parenting you should give them an answer…once. After that, it’s time to stop talking, turn, walk away, and follow through. After a few times, you’re going to make a believer out of them. Stop talking. Start doing.
October 10, 2019
I know this couple who really get on each other’s nerves. You can blame their parents for that.
When she wants closeness and connection she tosses him a hint and hopes he’ll figure it out. And he just hears criticism. You can blame their families of origin for that. In her family, no one ever made a direct request for closeness. That felt too vulnerable and in his family indirect communication was how you let someone know they weren’t pulling their weight. Okay, I know this couple who is learning to forgive. Be patient with one another’s insecurities and speak more plainly about needs.
October 9, 2019
On Facebook, Amanda, a single mother of two, wants to know how she can date a man well and set her future stepfamily up for success.
Well, Amanda, move emotionally toward your kids while seriously dating someone. The natural tendency is to only move emotionally toward your dating partner. Move toward both. Your kid's motivation to embrace the person you’re dating comes through their relationship with you. You are the gateway to that person. If your kids feel like they are losing you, why would they be motivated to accept them? Watching you date is hard enough. So move toward your kids and remind them that you’re still there
October 8, 2019
Alright parents, I’m wondering: would you rather parent half-heartedly and hope it blesses your kids, or parent well and know that it will?
You see what I did there? I gave you a choice. And, that’s a good way to train children. Beginning as early as you can give them choices and let them experience the blessing or difficulties of that choice. “Would you rather clean your room or pay your sister with your allowance to do it for you?” “Would you rather help cook dinner or help clean up?” Helping with dinner is a given, but how the child helps is up to them. Giving choices invites cooperation and trains kids to think for themselves.
October 7, 2019
Well, here it is parents. The single best discipline strategy known to mankind.
The best way to shape a child’s behavior is to notice them doing what you want and call attention to it. Catch them doing something right. Compliments put a smile on your face and encourage you, right? Build others up, the Bible commends in Ephesians 4:29, “that it may benefit those who listen.” Well, children benefit greatly when you applaud them. Stepparents, when you compliment a child you get the added benefit of strengthening your relationship with the child. Double-bonus!
October 4, 2019
Soooo, how strong is your flexibility muscle?
Like a pair of Olympic ice-skaters, your family needs strength and stability to lean on each other but flexibility to bend, spin, or move in sequenced motion. Just like that, parents should have consistent expectations for their children, but adjust their expectations as they grow. Couples need clear values to manage spending money, but they need to flex when life demands a shift in financial priorities. Blended families need parents to be strong leaders who know when to bend and when not to.
October 3, 2019
Parenting is challenging at times. So, here’s a discipline tip for parents and stepparents: Connect the dots.
It’s important to help children connect their choices with the consequences that follow. If a child spills their milk they should clean it up. If they agree to finish their chores before supper but don’t they shouldn’t get to eat until they finish. If they intentionally stay out past their curfew they should be docked double the time. It’s really not difficult and there’s no screaming required (or recommended). Just a firm, loving follow-through that connects the dots. They’ll learn.
October 2, 2019
Ron, I never thought I’d say this, but my 67-year-old mom has a boyfriend.
Yes, adult children have thought about their parent dating again, but once it’s real, it’s just bizarre. Sometimes their roles change. The child becomes the dating coach, telling their parent how to ask for a date and to guard against sexual temptation. Ewww. And all the while the child is feeling frightened about how the family’s going to change again. Yes, many questions will need answers. So neither generation should make any assumptions. This is a family matter and you need to talk.
October 1, 2019
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