Catch Them Doing Something Right
October 4, 2019
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Well, here it is parents. The single best discipline strategy known to mankind.
The best way to shape a child’s behavior is to notice them doing what you want and call attention to it. Catch them doing something right. Compliments put a smile on your face and encourage you, right? Build others up, the Bible commends in Ephesians 4:29, “that it may benefit those who listen.” Well, children benefit greatly when you applaud them. Stepparents, when you compliment a child you get the added benefit of strengthening your relationship with the child. Double-bonus!
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Soooo, how strong is your flexibility muscle?
Like a pair of Olympic ice-skaters, your family needs strength and stability to lean on each other but flexibility to bend, spin, or move in sequenced motion. Just like that, parents should have consistent expectations for their children, but adjust their expectations as they grow. Couples need clear values to manage spending money, but they need to flex when life demands a shift in financial priorities. Blended families need parents to be strong leaders who know when to bend and when not to.
October 3, 2019
Parenting is challenging at times. So, here’s a discipline tip for parents and stepparents: Connect the dots.
It’s important to help children connect their choices with the consequences that follow. If a child spills their milk they should clean it up. If they agree to finish their chores before supper but don’t they shouldn’t get to eat until they finish. If they intentionally stay out past their curfew they should be docked double the time. It’s really not difficult and there’s no screaming required (or recommended). Just a firm, loving follow-through that connects the dots. They’ll learn.
October 2, 2019
Ron, I never thought I’d say this, but my 67-year-old mom has a boyfriend.
Yes, adult children have thought about their parent dating again, but once it’s real, it’s just bizarre. Sometimes their roles change. The child becomes the dating coach, telling their parent how to ask for a date and to guard against sexual temptation. Ewww. And all the while the child is feeling frightened about how the family’s going to change again. Yes, many questions will need answers. So neither generation should make any assumptions. This is a family matter and you need to talk.
October 1, 2019
If you want to love someone well, be a gentle-servant.
Jesus washing his disciple’s feet in John 13 in the Bible is such a profound picture of love. And it really is simple: When you pay a compliment to a child, you’re washing their feet. When you serve your spouse, you’re washing their feet. When you put on self-control and calmly respond in a heated moment, you’re washing someone’s feet. When you stand firm in your commitments, even in the midst of discouragement, you’re washing feet. And in so doing, you are loving as Jesus loved.
September 30, 2019
Is your family communication filtered or unfiltered?
In this digital age we have many communication filtering options. Say your mobile phone rings, but you let it go to voicemail. You listen to the message and reply with a text. That’s filtering. This has pros and cons. For blended families, filtering can help reduce conflict in strained relationships. But if new family members don’t stop filtering they’ll never develop a genuine relationship. The way to add depth is to actually talk and hang out in person. That throwback idea needs a comeback.
September 27, 2019
This is ironic, in today’s digital world we’re more connected and disconnected than ever before.
Jealousy and envy are at an all-time high in our culture. Why? Because the daily “highlight reel” of social media makes everyone else’s life look perfect. So, while we’re seemingly more connected to other people’s lives, we distance ourselves in envy because our lives don’t compete. The way to truly connect between families and within your family is through transparency. Find the courage to give your family and friends a chance to love the real you; and see if they don’t return the favor.
September 26, 2019
In biological families, when a husband and wife move toward each other, they bring their children with them.
Children are blessed when mom and dad love each other and spend time together. But in the beginning in a stepfamily it’s different. When a parent and stepparent spend time together children sometimes feel pushed aside. This naturally puts the biological parent in the middle. That’s a big difference between biological families and blended families. But what’s the same is how God’s instruction to extend grace and apply patience to relationships softens the competition and brings people together.
September 25, 2019
Sometimes life throws you a curve.
My five-year-old daughter adored Mike. They had a great connection and things were going well. But of course, the night before the wedding, she says, “I don’t want you to marry Mike.” I was blindsided. “What’s going on here?” I interviewed Kim Anderson and her husband, Mike, for the FamilyLife Blended podcast. Boy did life throw them a curve. It’s fairly common for the weight of a new marriage to cause hiccups in kids. Don’t panic, just reassure them as you walk through adjustments together.
September 24, 2019
When you get stuck, ask someone to pull you out.
When you struggle how do you know if you need help from an outside source? One indication is you rehash the same territory. One woman wrote that for years her husband talked about his former wife: what went right or wrong, why she left, and how it affected the kids. Clearly he’s stuck—and the comparisons to his former wife are taxing their relationship. If you keep walking in circles and can’t step out of the rut, it’s time to talk to a counselor or pastor. Free yourself and your new family.
September 23, 2019
Ron, he has nothing to do with them. He has completely shut down toward my kids.
I think foster parents and stepparents are heroes because they sacrificially chose to love, provide for, and raise a child not their own, sometimes in difficult circumstances. That’s why it pains me when I hear about a stepparent who is M.I.A. It’s rare, but some refuse to help pay for college, spend one-on-one time with the kids, or to even emotionally engage at all. Hey, when you married the parent you married the package. Don't miss this great opportunity. Bring the gift of you to a child.
September 20, 2019
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