Drop It, Let It Go
July 6, 2020
00:00
Sometimes, the best way to avoid a conflict is to just drop it.
No, I’m not talking about avoiding. Avoiding just postpones conflict, it doesn’t resolve it. I’m suggesting that not everything is worth a conflict. The biblical proverb warns, “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Look, not everything is a hill to die on especially if your marriage or family is already stressed. If you can be generous with mercy, let it go.
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I can’t help it, Ron. That’s just how I feel.
As a counselor I’ve heard those words and that excuse countless times. But according to the Bible, what we think should determine how we act. Be transformed by the renewal of your mind, says Romans 12:2, then you’ll know what is good, acceptable, and perfect. What informs our thinking is God’s wisdom. Mistreating someone who hurts you, engaging in pornography, or bad mouthing family members are driven by feelings. Not God's truth. Want a stronger family? Let God’s wisdom determine how you act.
July 3, 2020
Sometimes, kids and parents just don’t listen.
After dating a 70-year-old man for three months Tina’s mom, age 67, announced she was getting married. Tina, her siblings, the grandchildren and his family all asked the couple to slow down, but they wouldn’t listen. Hey, if your child was making an expensive impulsive decision you’d want them to listen to you, right? Take the pulse of your family and trusted advisors. If the consensus is you’re moving too fast, slow down. You can move forward without them or listen and take them with you.
July 2, 2020
If you’ve ever been to a foreign country you know just what I mean.
Have you ever been an outsider? In a biological family everyone is an “insider” with the privileges of being part of the family, and children naturally respect their parent’s authority and trust them. In a blended family, someone is an outsider. Stepsiblings are outsiders to each other, and stepparents are outsiders to their children. This makes the stepparent’s authority easily challenged. To become a healthy blended family merge outsiders with insiders. The more you know, the better you love.
July 1, 2020
Hey co-parents, for the sake of your kids find a way to do business.
No, you may not be a couple any more, but you’re still raising your kids together. Cooperation between homes is a must. But it’s tough after a broken relationship and that’s an important distinction. Talk about parental things not personal ones. Parental topics include Johnny’s health, school matters, and managing his social media time. Separate the old marital pain from the current parenting matters. Ask God to help you set aside your personal hurt so you can be the best possible parent.
June 30, 2020
Meddling mother-in-law? What if you have a meddling ex-wife-in-law?
While dating, Nicole never anticipated how intrusive Tom's ex-wife would be. At first, Sharon seemed focused on being a mother so Nicole assumed once she and Tom married, Sharon would stop her late-night texts and unannounced visits. She was wrong. Nicole had an unrealistic expectation and she minimized Sharon’s behavior. Here’s the point: to marry a divorced person is to gain a mother-in-law and a father-in-law and an ex-spouse in law. Be sure you understand that when you say, “I do.”
June 29, 2020
You know lukewarm doesn’t taste so good.
When you’re dating making sense of the inconsistent behavior of kids can be confusing but think of it from their point of view. They came first. So, they may like the person you’re dating, but, in a way they are competing with them for you. Liking a parent’s dating partner sometimes creates a loyalty problem for kids. They warm up nicely but then turn cold and vacillate back and forth. You get hopeful about the future and then… Don’t panic. Relax and go slow. That helps everybody.
June 26, 2020
Hey Ron, when do I introduce my dating partner to my kids?
Get this great question from single parents. Here are a few guidelines. The first few dates should only be about the two of you. Casual introductions are fine but don’t proactively put your kids and that person together until you’re sure there are real possibilities for the relationship. As your relationship grows gradually be more intentional about putting your kids and them together. Honestly, the fit between them is just as important to a decision about marriage as is your fit as a couple.
June 25, 2020
Ron, because my children are adults, I thought me dating wouldn’t be a problem. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve heard that a lot, especially from widows. Adult kids care quite a bit about what’s happening to their parent and how it’s going to change the family. So, when a parent makes it their agenda to get their adult child to accept their dating partner sometimes it backfires. Instead offer soft invitations, not demanding ones. It's more respectful and lets them engage when they are ready. Hey, adding someone to the family portrait at any age changes a lot. Be sure to step together.
June 24, 2020
Dating for two is difficult. Dating in a crowd is downright complicated.
Lots of singles find themselves dating and either they or the person they’re dating have a child. Now, kids have strong emotions and opinions about what’s happening. In other words, the whole family is dating. Be proactive and have a plan for how to include them in a constructive way. How you do this is going to depend on a number of factors but first you have to recognize you’re dating in a crowd. You can’t compartmentalize your life and fall in love as if it won’t impact your kids. It will.
June 23, 2020
Harmony at home is far more satisfying than a giant feast.
The message of Proverbs 17 is true, isn’t it? You can have a house full of food, but if there’s strife in your family, the food doesn’t taste very good. And, it’s not limited to just food. We fill our houses with game systems and entertainment systems but if there is disharmony none of it satisfies because we are hardwired for love and connection and without that, material things medicate our longings, but they can’t satisfy them. So, eat less “food” and invest more of you in family harmony.
June 22, 2020
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