Dating: Best Practices 3—Early Introductions
June 25, 2020
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Hey Ron, when do I introduce my dating partner to my kids?
Get this great question from single parents. Here are a few guidelines. The first few dates should only be about the two of you. Casual introductions are fine but don’t proactively put your kids and that person together until you’re sure there are real possibilities for the relationship. As your relationship grows gradually be more intentional about putting your kids and them together. Honestly, the fit between them is just as important to a decision about marriage as is your fit as a couple.
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Ron, because my children are adults, I thought me dating wouldn’t be a problem. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve heard that a lot, especially from widows. Adult kids care quite a bit about what’s happening to their parent and how it’s going to change the family. So, when a parent makes it their agenda to get their adult child to accept their dating partner sometimes it backfires. Instead offer soft invitations, not demanding ones. It's more respectful and lets them engage when they are ready. Hey, adding someone to the family portrait at any age changes a lot. Be sure to step together.
June 24, 2020
Dating for two is difficult. Dating in a crowd is downright complicated.
Lots of singles find themselves dating and either they or the person they’re dating have a child. Now, kids have strong emotions and opinions about what’s happening. In other words, the whole family is dating. Be proactive and have a plan for how to include them in a constructive way. How you do this is going to depend on a number of factors but first you have to recognize you’re dating in a crowd. You can’t compartmentalize your life and fall in love as if it won’t impact your kids. It will.
June 23, 2020
Harmony at home is far more satisfying than a giant feast.
The message of Proverbs 17 is true, isn’t it? You can have a house full of food, but if there’s strife in your family, the food doesn’t taste very good. And, it’s not limited to just food. We fill our houses with game systems and entertainment systems but if there is disharmony none of it satisfies because we are hardwired for love and connection and without that, material things medicate our longings, but they can’t satisfy them. So, eat less “food” and invest more of you in family harmony.
June 22, 2020
Okay, you’ve already celebrated Mother’s Day and now I’m wondering what do you have planned for Father’s Day?
I will admit that today’s feature is a little self-serving. I, too, am a dad. It’s interesting, one poll showed that most people feel that moms get more attention on Mother’s Day than dads do on Father’s Day. I wonder why that is. I also wonder if stepdads get as much attention as biological dads? Either way, the good news is we men are not that complicated. What would really mean a lot to us on Father’s Day are a few simple words: “I appreciate you for….” Those four words would make our day.
June 19, 2020
A good father serves and leads his family, and executes authority in the home. Stepdads can do this, too, but in the beginning it may look a little different.
Smart stepdads cast a godly vision for their home, but they recognize initially, they may need to lead through their wife. She has authority with her kids, and she is their source of security not him. He gets this, so he provides in direct leadership. Together, with his wife, they set behavioral expectations and standards for the family, but until her kids respect him she’s going to follow through on consequences. A stepdad who humbly serves his family like this is a smart stepdad indeed.
June 18, 2020
Sometimes, you just gotta’ scream!
If you’re co-parenting a child with someone who lives in a different home it's critical that you speak respectfully about that parent in front of your kids. Open anger, bitterness, and critical remarks just put the kids in the middle. What do you do, though, with all the frustrating feelings you’ve got cooped up inside? Well, vent in private. Find a trusted friend, support group, or a counselor to process it with you. Here’s the bottom line: Find a good outlet, but never in front of the kids.
June 17, 2020
When no one is talking about the elephant in the room, what you should do is…talk about the elephant in the room.
We don’t talk about the obvious thing that everyone knows about, but no one will address out loud. We think we’re keeping peace, but really we’re just staying stuck. Like when a child’s parent in the other home has an addiction or a behavior issue and you avoid the subject. Hey, speak with respect and compassion for the person, but talk about the issue. Help your kids understand what’s going on and give them a godly perspective about what they can do. Awkward? Oh, yeah. But very necessary.
June 16, 2020
When faced with a difficult person, be like Jesus.
What I mean by “be like Jesus” is try to love as best you can and live truth. We all have difficult people in our lives. For some divorced Christians it’s the biological parent in the other home which is tough because your child needs to continue a relationship with them, but you may not appreciate their influence. So, what do you do? Set a good example. You can't control your co-parent’s behavior, but you can control your own. Continue to grow and strive to be like Christ.
June 15, 2020
I’ll never forget it. The first time I came home from work and my wife said, “Tag, you’re it.”
We had three children, ages five and under and she was exhausted. Sometimes you step away from parenting because you need a well-deserved break. But other times, business travel, caring for an aging parent, or even military deployment takes us away from home and one parent is left to manage things. Now, if that’s a stepparent make sure the biological parent reminds the kids before they leave that the stepparent is in charge while they are gone. And, stepparents make sure you do something fun.
June 12, 2020
Do you know what intestacy is?
It’s when a court has to decide after you die who is entitled to your assets. There’s a body of laws that take over when you don’t have a will and only 45% of Americans have a will. Do you want family members fighting over your stuff? Without a will you might be setting them up for just that sort of heartache. And for stepfamilies, why let the court give your spouse or their children things you wanted to give to your children? Instead, why not bless your family with your will?
June 11, 2020
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