Stepdad: Lead Through Your Wife
June 18, 2020
00:00
A good father serves and leads his family, and executes authority in the home. Stepdads can do this, too, but in the beginning it may look a little different.
Smart stepdads cast a godly vision for their home, but they recognize initially, they may need to lead through their wife. She has authority with her kids, and she is their source of security not him. He gets this, so he provides in direct leadership. Together, with his wife, they set behavioral expectations and standards for the family, but until her kids respect him she’s going to follow through on consequences. A stepdad who humbly serves his family like this is a smart stepdad indeed.
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Archives
Sometimes, you just gotta’ scream!
If you’re co-parenting a child with someone who lives in a different home it's critical that you speak respectfully about that parent in front of your kids. Open anger, bitterness, and critical remarks just put the kids in the middle. What do you do, though, with all the frustrating feelings you’ve got cooped up inside? Well, vent in private. Find a trusted friend, support group, or a counselor to process it with you. Here’s the bottom line: Find a good outlet, but never in front of the kids.
June 17, 2020
When no one is talking about the elephant in the room, what you should do is…talk about the elephant in the room.
We don’t talk about the obvious thing that everyone knows about, but no one will address out loud. We think we’re keeping peace, but really we’re just staying stuck. Like when a child’s parent in the other home has an addiction or a behavior issue and you avoid the subject. Hey, speak with respect and compassion for the person, but talk about the issue. Help your kids understand what’s going on and give them a godly perspective about what they can do. Awkward? Oh, yeah. But very necessary.
June 16, 2020
When faced with a difficult person, be like Jesus.
What I mean by “be like Jesus” is try to love as best you can and live truth. We all have difficult people in our lives. For some divorced Christians it’s the biological parent in the other home which is tough because your child needs to continue a relationship with them, but you may not appreciate their influence. So, what do you do? Set a good example. You can't control your co-parent’s behavior, but you can control your own. Continue to grow and strive to be like Christ.
June 15, 2020
I’ll never forget it. The first time I came home from work and my wife said, “Tag, you’re it.”
We had three children, ages five and under and she was exhausted. Sometimes you step away from parenting because you need a well-deserved break. But other times, business travel, caring for an aging parent, or even military deployment takes us away from home and one parent is left to manage things. Now, if that’s a stepparent make sure the biological parent reminds the kids before they leave that the stepparent is in charge while they are gone. And, stepparents make sure you do something fun.
June 12, 2020
Do you know what intestacy is?
It’s when a court has to decide after you die who is entitled to your assets. There’s a body of laws that take over when you don’t have a will and only 45% of Americans have a will. Do you want family members fighting over your stuff? Without a will you might be setting them up for just that sort of heartache. And for stepfamilies, why let the court give your spouse or their children things you wanted to give to your children? Instead, why not bless your family with your will?
June 11, 2020
When our kids take their frustration out on a scapegoat, what do we do?
Maybe you’ve already heard me talk about Cassandra, a teenager who was taking her frustration with her mom out on her stepmom. Well her dad may or may not know why she’s doing this; but either way he should invite his daughter, in a soft and compassionate tone, to talk with him about what’s going on. With this approach, odds are, her heart will soften and repent and they can figure this thing out together.
June 10, 2020
Managing our anger starts with not having a scapegoat.
Every time Cassandra’s mom failed to follow through on a commitment, she took it out on her stepmom or stepsiblings. Because her relationship with her mom was fragile she’d do anything but tell her how she felt. How do things get better? Being responsible for our hurt and anger starts with knowing our fears and not giving in to them. In this case, Cassandra needs to tell her mom how much she misses her and then pray she responds. If she doesn’t, hopefully she will let her stepmom help her cry.
June 9, 2020
We’ve all done it. We’ve all taken our anger out on someone who didn’t deserve it. But why?
Frustration is not a patient emotion so it tends to erupt. Sometimes it's safer to be frustrated at people who are less valuable to us. But then again, maybe it’s safer to be frustrated with someone who can handle your anger and it won’t go anywhere. The point is this: don’t scapegoat someone else. Don’t take things out on a spouse just because they are standing there or a stepparent just because they are an easy target. Be responsible and talk directly to the person you are frustrated with.
June 8, 2020
When I got married over 30 years ago I was really dumb!
I don’t mean “dumb” as in “stupid;” I mean dumb as in ignorant, naïve of all I would have to learn and the skills I’d need to develop, to be a good husband. I had no idea our “usness” would have a rhythm, a pace, a purpose, and a dance that would also require sacrifices I never knew I would have to give. Not knowing what we’d have to become may have been a gift from God. If we did know, we might not have signed on. But we didn’t and we still don’t. We only have to trust God and be teachable.
June 5, 2020
There’s a shame virus infecting parents and it’s time we address it.
Parents love their kids but they don’t always have the same affection for each child. Shamefully, parents whisper these words to me thinking they are alone, but I hear it regularly. From biological parents who don’t relate well to one of their children or don’t like who their adult child is becoming. From adoptive and stepparents who are still bonding with a child. Feeling differently about kids is normal. Treat them fairly, with kindness, and work at being empathetic. Ask God to grow your love.
June 4, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.