Different & the Same—Not Sure How to Fit in?
July 1, 2020
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If you’ve ever been to a foreign country you know just what I mean.
Have you ever been an outsider? In a biological family everyone is an “insider” with the privileges of being part of the family, and children naturally respect their parent’s authority and trust them. In a blended family, someone is an outsider. Stepsiblings are outsiders to each other, and stepparents are outsiders to their children. This makes the stepparent’s authority easily challenged. To become a healthy blended family merge outsiders with insiders. The more you know, the better you love.
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Hey co-parents, for the sake of your kids find a way to do business.
No, you may not be a couple any more, but you’re still raising your kids together. Cooperation between homes is a must. But it’s tough after a broken relationship and that’s an important distinction. Talk about parental things not personal ones. Parental topics include Johnny’s health, school matters, and managing his social media time. Separate the old marital pain from the current parenting matters. Ask God to help you set aside your personal hurt so you can be the best possible parent.
June 30, 2020
Meddling mother-in-law? What if you have a meddling ex-wife-in-law?
While dating, Nicole never anticipated how intrusive Tom's ex-wife would be. At first, Sharon seemed focused on being a mother so Nicole assumed once she and Tom married, Sharon would stop her late-night texts and unannounced visits. She was wrong. Nicole had an unrealistic expectation and she minimized Sharon’s behavior. Here’s the point: to marry a divorced person is to gain a mother-in-law and a father-in-law and an ex-spouse in law. Be sure you understand that when you say, “I do.”
June 29, 2020
You know lukewarm doesn’t taste so good.
When you’re dating making sense of the inconsistent behavior of kids can be confusing but think of it from their point of view. They came first. So, they may like the person you’re dating, but, in a way they are competing with them for you. Liking a parent’s dating partner sometimes creates a loyalty problem for kids. They warm up nicely but then turn cold and vacillate back and forth. You get hopeful about the future and then… Don’t panic. Relax and go slow. That helps everybody.
June 26, 2020
Hey Ron, when do I introduce my dating partner to my kids?
Get this great question from single parents. Here are a few guidelines. The first few dates should only be about the two of you. Casual introductions are fine but don’t proactively put your kids and that person together until you’re sure there are real possibilities for the relationship. As your relationship grows gradually be more intentional about putting your kids and them together. Honestly, the fit between them is just as important to a decision about marriage as is your fit as a couple.
June 25, 2020
Ron, because my children are adults, I thought me dating wouldn’t be a problem. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve heard that a lot, especially from widows. Adult kids care quite a bit about what’s happening to their parent and how it’s going to change the family. So, when a parent makes it their agenda to get their adult child to accept their dating partner sometimes it backfires. Instead offer soft invitations, not demanding ones. It's more respectful and lets them engage when they are ready. Hey, adding someone to the family portrait at any age changes a lot. Be sure to step together.
June 24, 2020
Dating for two is difficult. Dating in a crowd is downright complicated.
Lots of singles find themselves dating and either they or the person they’re dating have a child. Now, kids have strong emotions and opinions about what’s happening. In other words, the whole family is dating. Be proactive and have a plan for how to include them in a constructive way. How you do this is going to depend on a number of factors but first you have to recognize you’re dating in a crowd. You can’t compartmentalize your life and fall in love as if it won’t impact your kids. It will.
June 23, 2020
Harmony at home is far more satisfying than a giant feast.
The message of Proverbs 17 is true, isn’t it? You can have a house full of food, but if there’s strife in your family, the food doesn’t taste very good. And, it’s not limited to just food. We fill our houses with game systems and entertainment systems but if there is disharmony none of it satisfies because we are hardwired for love and connection and without that, material things medicate our longings, but they can’t satisfy them. So, eat less “food” and invest more of you in family harmony.
June 22, 2020
Okay, you’ve already celebrated Mother’s Day and now I’m wondering what do you have planned for Father’s Day?
I will admit that today’s feature is a little self-serving. I, too, am a dad. It’s interesting, one poll showed that most people feel that moms get more attention on Mother’s Day than dads do on Father’s Day. I wonder why that is. I also wonder if stepdads get as much attention as biological dads? Either way, the good news is we men are not that complicated. What would really mean a lot to us on Father’s Day are a few simple words: “I appreciate you for….” Those four words would make our day.
June 19, 2020
A good father serves and leads his family, and executes authority in the home. Stepdads can do this, too, but in the beginning it may look a little different.
Smart stepdads cast a godly vision for their home, but they recognize initially, they may need to lead through their wife. She has authority with her kids, and she is their source of security not him. He gets this, so he provides in direct leadership. Together, with his wife, they set behavioral expectations and standards for the family, but until her kids respect him she’s going to follow through on consequences. A stepdad who humbly serves his family like this is a smart stepdad indeed.
June 18, 2020
Sometimes, you just gotta’ scream!
If you’re co-parenting a child with someone who lives in a different home it's critical that you speak respectfully about that parent in front of your kids. Open anger, bitterness, and critical remarks just put the kids in the middle. What do you do, though, with all the frustrating feelings you’ve got cooped up inside? Well, vent in private. Find a trusted friend, support group, or a counselor to process it with you. Here’s the bottom line: Find a good outlet, but never in front of the kids.
June 17, 2020
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.