Adopting Outsiders
July 15, 2020
00:00
Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?
Some do but most don’t have any idea. Or maybe, we do. Romans 8 reminds us that sin made us outsiders with God but through Christ God has adopted us as His children. What would happen if we opened our hearts to an outsider and invited them in? A lonely kid on the playground would have a friend. A new family member would be treated as if they belong. Someone of a different color would be welcome in your living room. And a newcomer to church would receive five invitations to lunch. Let’s adopt.
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What right do you Christians have to tell us about marriage you can’t even get it right yourself?
Have you ever heard the argument that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is the same as for non-Christians? Well, that’s just not true. Actually, for those who practice their faith on a daily basis and regularly attend church, their divorce rate is just 15-20 percent. Far lower than the general population. Those who live the gospel within their marriage and family are happier and healthier than those who don’t. Your marriage can be a living testimony to the love of God. Let’s share it.
July 14, 2020
Experiencing the love of Christ changes us.
What’s also cool is watching people experience His love and grace and then seeing them extend it to others. I’ve seen that played out in blended families over and over: A child abandoned by their parent begins to bloom under the loving care of a stepparent. A mother speaks well of her children’s stepmother and insists they respect her. What is happening is gratitude to God for His hand of mercy is pouring itself out in the form of love and grace toward others. This is how we change the world!
July 13, 2020
When the cat’s away, the mice will…try to play the other parent, that’s what!
In a lot of families one parent has to travel. It could be a business trip, visiting family, or a military deployment. And at times, one kid tries to play the parent left in charge. So, what do you do? Make sure you’re on the same page about rules and communicate your expectation that the kids cooperate with the remaining parent. This is really important in stepfamilies if the biological parent is the one leaving the home. Then, parent in charge, stand your ground, and follow through.
July 10, 2020
Today a word of caution about ambition.
Wait, you thought ambition was good, right? What could be so bad about striving to achieve your goals? You see, that’s just it. Relying on yourself is a subtle act of being independent of God; becoming your own god and that’s pride. That’s why David in Psalm 131 cautions us about ambition. “I have calmed and quieted my ambition,” he says. The better option? David encourages us to trust God and be content with what he provides. Are you trusting God or taking measures into your own hands?
July 9, 2020
Being optimistic about the future of your marriage, improves your marriage.
You’ve heard me talk about how the belief that half of all marriages end in divorce has made people frightened of marriage. Well, the actual divorce rate is much lower for first and blended family marriages than most people believe so their fear is based on a myth. Living in fear of being a statistic leads couples to make their marriages vulnerable. My suggestion, be optimistic about your marital future. Don’t buy the lie. Live with confidence and trust God to teach you along the way.
July 8, 2020
Some people are easy to love; others…not so much.
I met a couple who lead a stepfamily small group in their church alongside his ex-wife and her new husband. You heard me right. The ex-spouses and new spouses teach the program together. How’d they get there? Well, the stepmom felt called by the Holy Spirit to buy her husband’s ex-wife a Christmas gift. Eventually the two women became friends and everything improved on both sides. Having a big heart is essentially a choice to move past petty insecurities, not build walls, and soften your heart.
July 7, 2020
Sometimes, the best way to avoid a conflict is to just drop it.
No, I’m not talking about avoiding. Avoiding just postpones conflict, it doesn’t resolve it. I’m suggesting that not everything is worth a conflict. The biblical proverb warns, “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” Look, not everything is a hill to die on especially if your marriage or family is already stressed. If you can be generous with mercy, let it go.
July 6, 2020
I can’t help it, Ron. That’s just how I feel.
As a counselor I’ve heard those words and that excuse countless times. But according to the Bible, what we think should determine how we act. Be transformed by the renewal of your mind, says Romans 12:2, then you’ll know what is good, acceptable, and perfect. What informs our thinking is God’s wisdom. Mistreating someone who hurts you, engaging in pornography, or bad mouthing family members are driven by feelings. Not God's truth. Want a stronger family? Let God’s wisdom determine how you act.
July 3, 2020
Sometimes, kids and parents just don’t listen.
After dating a 70-year-old man for three months Tina’s mom, age 67, announced she was getting married. Tina, her siblings, the grandchildren and his family all asked the couple to slow down, but they wouldn’t listen. Hey, if your child was making an expensive impulsive decision you’d want them to listen to you, right? Take the pulse of your family and trusted advisors. If the consensus is you’re moving too fast, slow down. You can move forward without them or listen and take them with you.
July 2, 2020
If you’ve ever been to a foreign country you know just what I mean.
Have you ever been an outsider? In a biological family everyone is an “insider” with the privileges of being part of the family, and children naturally respect their parent’s authority and trust them. In a blended family, someone is an outsider. Stepsiblings are outsiders to each other, and stepparents are outsiders to their children. This makes the stepparent’s authority easily challenged. To become a healthy blended family merge outsiders with insiders. The more you know, the better you love.
July 1, 2020
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.