When Forgiveness Is Rejected
July 21, 2020
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Have you ever had someone get mad at you…because you forgave them?
Normally seeking forgiveness brings restoration but what if in pride the person you forgave is offended? What do you do? Because reconciliation requires two people and forgiveness only one, you can still forgive the person in your heart and treat them as forgiven but you can’t restore the relationship. Don’t argue over whether forgiveness was necessary. Release your resentment for the offense and love them. Who knows? Eventually, responding with a merciful heart might soften their pride.
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Want to influence someone for good? Speak with the wisdom of God.
Words can push people away or invite them closer. Harsh or critical words will result in people moving away from us but compassionate, insightful words draw them closer. Of course, foolish people are double trouble. They have a “closed mind” and an “open mouth” but according to Proverbs 18 wise words are like fresh water from a fountain that just keeps coming. Where do you get wise words? Study God’s word and commit it to heart and you will speak and influence others with the wisdom of God.
July 20, 2020
A foolish child will make your soul ache.
Twice in Proverbs 17 the author points out that a foolish child brings grief and bitterness to a parent’s heart. And, in my experience, if there’s a stepparent involved their heart aches, too. They may not fully understand the situation, but they care deeply about the child. Sometimes they want to help. But if the biological parent feels paralyzed to do anything they may block any help. It’s never too late. Come together as parents, find help, and learn ways to fight for the heart of your child.
July 17, 2020
Hey, have you heard this one: Two lips walk into a fight…
Actually, it’s no joke. In the Bible Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight.” Yes, what you say can start an argument. That’s true in many situations. But here’s a mistake parents and stepparents make with teens: when you’re irritated with them and immediately launch into a lecture assuming you know what’s motivating them. How much better to pause and ask a question about what’s going on behind the scenes. Listen first. Then if appropriate, you can always come back to the lecture.
July 16, 2020
Do you know what it’s like to be adopted?
Some do but most don’t have any idea. Or maybe, we do. Romans 8 reminds us that sin made us outsiders with God but through Christ God has adopted us as His children. What would happen if we opened our hearts to an outsider and invited them in? A lonely kid on the playground would have a friend. A new family member would be treated as if they belong. Someone of a different color would be welcome in your living room. And a newcomer to church would receive five invitations to lunch. Let’s adopt.
July 15, 2020
What right do you Christians have to tell us about marriage you can’t even get it right yourself?
Have you ever heard the argument that the divorce rate for Christian marriages is the same as for non-Christians? Well, that’s just not true. Actually, for those who practice their faith on a daily basis and regularly attend church, their divorce rate is just 15-20 percent. Far lower than the general population. Those who live the gospel within their marriage and family are happier and healthier than those who don’t. Your marriage can be a living testimony to the love of God. Let’s share it.
July 14, 2020
Experiencing the love of Christ changes us.
What’s also cool is watching people experience His love and grace and then seeing them extend it to others. I’ve seen that played out in blended families over and over: A child abandoned by their parent begins to bloom under the loving care of a stepparent. A mother speaks well of her children’s stepmother and insists they respect her. What is happening is gratitude to God for His hand of mercy is pouring itself out in the form of love and grace toward others. This is how we change the world!
July 13, 2020
When the cat’s away, the mice will…try to play the other parent, that’s what!
In a lot of families one parent has to travel. It could be a business trip, visiting family, or a military deployment. And at times, one kid tries to play the parent left in charge. So, what do you do? Make sure you’re on the same page about rules and communicate your expectation that the kids cooperate with the remaining parent. This is really important in stepfamilies if the biological parent is the one leaving the home. Then, parent in charge, stand your ground, and follow through.
July 10, 2020
Today a word of caution about ambition.
Wait, you thought ambition was good, right? What could be so bad about striving to achieve your goals? You see, that’s just it. Relying on yourself is a subtle act of being independent of God; becoming your own god and that’s pride. That’s why David in Psalm 131 cautions us about ambition. “I have calmed and quieted my ambition,” he says. The better option? David encourages us to trust God and be content with what he provides. Are you trusting God or taking measures into your own hands?
July 9, 2020
Being optimistic about the future of your marriage, improves your marriage.
You’ve heard me talk about how the belief that half of all marriages end in divorce has made people frightened of marriage. Well, the actual divorce rate is much lower for first and blended family marriages than most people believe so their fear is based on a myth. Living in fear of being a statistic leads couples to make their marriages vulnerable. My suggestion, be optimistic about your marital future. Don’t buy the lie. Live with confidence and trust God to teach you along the way.
July 8, 2020
Some people are easy to love; others…not so much.
I met a couple who lead a stepfamily small group in their church alongside his ex-wife and her new husband. You heard me right. The ex-spouses and new spouses teach the program together. How’d they get there? Well, the stepmom felt called by the Holy Spirit to buy her husband’s ex-wife a Christmas gift. Eventually the two women became friends and everything improved on both sides. Having a big heart is essentially a choice to move past petty insecurities, not build walls, and soften your heart.
July 7, 2020
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