The Lingering Effects of Divorce
May 16, 2018
00:00
Please, don’t misunderstand me.
If you’re in a difficult first marriage and you hear me talking about healthy stepfamilies, please don’t take that as permission to turn your back on your marriage vows or think divorce isn’t hard on kids. Leila Miller says children of divorce often have ongoing pain, difficulty trusting others, and have lost their sense of home. My point is this: As far as it depends on you, honor your vows. Don’t take divorce lightly.
Featured Offer
FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.
Archives
What do you do when stuck between your spouse and your children?
This dynamic happens in all families, but blended families are particularly susceptible. Linda wisely said, “If there’s disagreement between me and my husband, we discuss it without the kids present and come to a consensus.” This couple values their unity so they’re willing to manage how they negotiate a decision. Kids are not allowed in the discussion. If the child is there, it changes everything. Finding agreement is difficult enough. Manage the process so the process doesn’t manage you.
May 15, 2018
It’s time for a dating attitude adjustment.
That famous line from the movie Jerry McGuire, “you complete me,” has been the predominate attitude for finding a spouse. Now, says family therapist Esther Pearl, the attitude has shifted to I’m already complete. I have my career, my life goals; come help me live out my vision for my life. Do you see what’s wrong? Both are me-centric. Tell you what: Surrender your life to Jesus Christ—be made complete in Him and join Him in His vision for your life—and look for another person doing the same.
May 14, 2018
This Mother’s Day churches all over America have a wonderful opportunity to connect the hearts of stepmoms to their stepchildren. And, today I’ll tell you how.
Attending church on Mother’s Day is an awkward time for many stepmoms. Pastors can change that with words like, “Today is Mother’s Day, a time to honor God’s gift we call mom. If you’re a mom, a stepmom, an adoptive mother, a foster mother, or a woman who cares for children in any capacity would you please stand so we can honor you.” It may seem trivial but specifically using the word “stepmom” is really validating. And it encourages her stepchildren to consider her worth and appreciate her.
May 11, 2018
After getting married one big mistake that stepmoms make is eliminating girlfriends.
Don’t get me wrong. Every newlywed needs to give considerable time and attention to their new marriage. But author and speaker, Laura Petherbridge, says that stepmoms need outside friendships to keep perspective. Stepmoms sometimes feel lost in their new role and they may get discouraged. But “time laughing with friends can encourage her for the road ahead.” A couple of hours with people who know and love you as you, not “the wicked stepmother,” will feed your soul and strengthen your heart.
May 10, 2018
Does your church have a ministry to stepfamilies?
We asked our Facebook followers that question and the views of were 14x our average, and shares, comments and likes were 16x. Lynsey replied, “No, I’ve never heard of a church that did.” Kristen said, “Yes, we do. Including conferences, weekly classes, and mentors…it is an amazing blessing. And then Melissa said, “No, and in our first years of blending we desperately needed the support. Congregations are full of blended families. Let’s fix this.” We at FamilyLife Blended agree. Let’s fix this!
May 9, 2018
In parenting, it’s always good to know your bias.
Ask me to wipe the boogers of someone else’s child and I get squeamish. But with my kids, I didn’t have any problem. There’s something about it being your own child that makes the unbearable, bearable. Now, Amy’s husband gets upset with her 11 year-old when he’s acting goofy but when his son jokes around he laughs with him. Having a tolerance for your own child’s boogers is understandable, but this dad had better recognize his bias or it will create resentment. Treat all kids the same.
May 8, 2018
Have you ever noticed: we judge ourselves on our intentions; we judge others on their actions?
That’s convicting but it’s true! I judge others more harshly, but give myself the benefit of the doubt. My wife is disrespectful because of how she talked to me, but my tone wasn’t disrespectful because I was trying to help her. My child is disobedient when he “forgot” to take out the trash, but I was going to do it—I just forgot. Proverbs 20 says, “Using dishonest scales to cheat someone out of money—and I might add, out of a fair judgment—is wrong. It’s time we check our scales.
May 7, 2018
Okay, so you’re a new stepmom and you moved into his house, how do you make it your home?
An issue here is feeling like an outsider to your husband’s life and his kids. To help you feel more at home consider making changes. Of course, discuss any of these changes with your husband but you might start your makeover in the bedroom. It’s your private quarters so start whenever you are ready. From there move into different parts of the house. And invite the kids. They’ll want to contribute to the redecorating, too. Turning a house into a home, you might call that stepmom nesting.
May 4, 2018
You’ve heard about the “wicked stepmother,” right? But what about the “plight of the stepmother”?
I’m quite certain the average person doesn’t have any idea how challenging it is to be a stepmom. On one hand, she has all the responsibility of caretaking for her stepchildren but clearly, she is not their mom. Yes, there are rewards along the way but confusion and ambiguity surround her on every side. No, this is not “feel sorry for the stepmom” minute. This is a “cheer her on and lift her up” reminder. She has a lot of challenges. A little encouragement goes a long way.
May 3, 2018
Maybe it’s time you reached across the aisle.
When politicians reach across the aisle—that ideological dividing line of partisanship—and work together things get done. Sometimes families need to do the same. In today’s complex blended families, there could be a gap in step-relationships that can only be filled when someone builds a bridge. When asked about her stepgrandfather, she said, “Even after five years I don’t know him. We’ve only interacted a few times.” There’s great potential here, but only if someone reaches across the aisle.
May 2, 2018
See More Episodes
Loading...
P
S
Listen to FamilyLife Blended® on
Amazon Echo
Learn How
Learn How
Featured Offer
FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.