Let’s Fix This
May 9, 2018
00:00
Does your church have a ministry to stepfamilies?
We asked our Facebook followers that question and the views of were 14x our average, and shares, comments and likes were 16x. Lynsey replied, “No, I’ve never heard of a church that did.” Kristen said, “Yes, we do. Including conferences, weekly classes, and mentors…it is an amazing blessing. And then Melissa said, “No, and in our first years of blending we desperately needed the support. Congregations are full of blended families. Let’s fix this.” We at FamilyLife Blended agree. Let’s fix this!
Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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In parenting, it’s always good to know your bias.
Ask me to wipe the boogers of someone else’s child and I get squeamish. But with my kids, I didn’t have any problem. There’s something about it being your own child that makes the unbearable, bearable. Now, Amy’s husband gets upset with her 11 year-old when he’s acting goofy but when his son jokes around he laughs with him. Having a tolerance for your own child’s boogers is understandable, but this dad had better recognize his bias or it will create resentment. Treat all kids the same.
May 8, 2018
Have you ever noticed: we judge ourselves on our intentions; we judge others on their actions?
That’s convicting but it’s true! I judge others more harshly, but give myself the benefit of the doubt. My wife is disrespectful because of how she talked to me, but my tone wasn’t disrespectful because I was trying to help her. My child is disobedient when he “forgot” to take out the trash, but I was going to do it—I just forgot. Proverbs 20 says, “Using dishonest scales to cheat someone out of money—and I might add, out of a fair judgment—is wrong. It’s time we check our scales.
May 7, 2018
Okay, so you’re a new stepmom and you moved into his house, how do you make it your home?
An issue here is feeling like an outsider to your husband’s life and his kids. To help you feel more at home consider making changes. Of course, discuss any of these changes with your husband but you might start your makeover in the bedroom. It’s your private quarters so start whenever you are ready. From there move into different parts of the house. And invite the kids. They’ll want to contribute to the redecorating, too. Turning a house into a home, you might call that stepmom nesting.
May 4, 2018
You’ve heard about the “wicked stepmother,” right? But what about the “plight of the stepmother”?
I’m quite certain the average person doesn’t have any idea how challenging it is to be a stepmom. On one hand, she has all the responsibility of caretaking for her stepchildren but clearly, she is not their mom. Yes, there are rewards along the way but confusion and ambiguity surround her on every side. No, this is not “feel sorry for the stepmom” minute. This is a “cheer her on and lift her up” reminder. She has a lot of challenges. A little encouragement goes a long way.
May 3, 2018
Maybe it’s time you reached across the aisle.
When politicians reach across the aisle—that ideological dividing line of partisanship—and work together things get done. Sometimes families need to do the same. In today’s complex blended families, there could be a gap in step-relationships that can only be filled when someone builds a bridge. When asked about her stepgrandfather, she said, “Even after five years I don’t know him. We’ve only interacted a few times.” There’s great potential here, but only if someone reaches across the aisle.
May 2, 2018
In the movies—and life—scary music means it’s time to run!
Have you ever been frustrated trying to motivate an employee, a friend, or a child? The notable therapist, Edwin Friedman said, “People can only hear you when they move toward you, and they are not likely to do that when your words are pursuing them…” People move toward you when they trust you. But, negative or critical words cause them to move away, which means they can’t hear what you say. Want to improve a relationship? Change what comes out of you to something peaceful and inviting.
May 1, 2018
Great parents, pay attention to both the what and how of parenting.
The what of parenting is content. The how is the emotional process. So, you and your son are arguing about whether or not you asked him to finish his chores before playing video games. He says you didn’t; you say you did. That’s content. The emotional process is that he’s baited you into an argument and your need to win the argument means he gets to duck responsibility. Okay, manage the process (refuse to argue) so you can also manage the content (doing his chores is a given, not up for debate).
April 30, 2018
Proverbs says that a wise child brings joy to his parents, but a foolish child brings grief. So how do you make them wise?
It's helpful to offer consistent loving boundaries with predictable consequences throughout the life of the child. Why wouldn’t a parent do this? One reason that causes problems is when single parents and parents in stepfamilies become paralyzed by guilt or sympathy. I get it. You feel so bad for all your child has suffered that you just can’t follow through with discipline. But that doesn’t work. It adds foolishness in their heart and grief to your life. Don’t be paralyzed. Follow through.
April 27, 2018
I’m sure you’ve heard that money problems are the number one cause of divorce, right? Well, not really.
Yes, the top issues couples argue about are money, sex, and parenting. But the reason they can’t resolve those arguments is because of how they argue, their values about money, selfishness, and stubbornness. So, what’s the solution? First, make sure your core values line up with God’s values. That will unify you. Then, and only then, can you tackle the logistics of financial management. For stepcouples, it can get complicated really fast. So getting specific guidance can be well worth it.
April 26, 2018
Be careful parents. You might disintegrate your child.
In a sci-fi movie, a disintegration gun makes someone disappear. If parents aren’t careful, they can make their child disappear. Mark had two stepdaughters, 38 and 42 years old, who still relied on their mother for financial assistance. He hoped to retire, but his wife wouldn’t let him because the girls needed money. Here’s the deal: A good way to make a child dysfunctional is to over function in their space. Don’t do that. Let them carry their own load or you’ll pay for it and so will they.
April 25, 2018
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.