Stop Harming Your Children
February 1, 2018
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Have you ever had to kick someone out of your small group Bible study? I have and it wasn’t fun.
Well, obviously I had a reason. A member of the group I led for stepfamilies shared confidential information outside the group. She was betraying her own family. It’s not that different from what biological parents do when they pressure their own kids to share negative information about the other home. In essence, this asks children to betray the trust of people they love. If this is you or any parent you know please put a stop to it. We’re called to protect the heart of a child not exploit it.
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If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything…and then you might become nothing.
Maybe you’ve heard about the pop singer who described herself as pansexual. “I feel genderless,” she said. “I just want to be nothing.” What? So, what happens to a person when you retreat from standing for anything? Our culture advocates that because people fear standing against someone else’s viewpoint but then you become nothing. Be who you are. Distinctly, uniquely made by God with a clear identity. Designed with purpose, for a purpose. When you claim that…you become somebody.
January 31, 2018
When blinded, I suggest you take off your blindfold.
I've talked about how sex before marriage is a blindfold but there is another blindfold to be aware of: Grief. Sometimes when a widower jumps into another marriage shortly after their spouse’s death, or someone rebounds after a breakup only to wonder, “What was I thinking?” – Grief is the culprit. Sadness is often why we buy things we don’t need, watch things we shouldn’t watch, and hang out with people we shouldn’t. Oddly enough, grief is just as blinding as sex and infatuation.
January 30, 2018
Before marriage, love is blind, and sex is a blindfold.
All of us have blind spots and we also have blindfolds that we often put on ourselves. Sex before marriage is one of those because it blinds us to the realities of the relationship. It makes couples think they have more relational substance than they really do. Inside marriage, sex reaffirms an existing permanent commitment; outside of marriage it masks commitment and creates a pseudo-intimacy that appears to be solid but isn’t. The question is do we trust God enough to take our blindfolds off?
January 29, 2018
Here’s one you haven’t heard in the media lately. Good news about stepparents.
I have some Google alerts set up for the key words, stepmom and stepdad. I have to tell you, rarely if ever is there a story about either that is positive or encouraging. Come on, really? Not only is that not accurate it supports the myth that stepparents are evil and to be feared. All over the world there are stepparents who day in and day out are giving, nurturing, teaching, and loving and if you ask me worthy of an award. Tweet that, would you? We need to set the record straight.
January 26, 2018
What would you say to a parent who is actively teaching their child to steal?
You might tell them that they are teaching their child selfishness and to trust in themselves rather than to trust God. All of that seems straightforward. So let me ask you. What are you teaching a child when you move in together before marriage? Well, to think of themselves instead of others. That personal convenience outweighs moral conviction. And that trusting in yourself rather than God is the better option. One day they will make their own decisions. Will they follow in your footsteps?
January 25, 2018
True or False? Stepfamilies go through predictable stages of development?
True. Most stepfamilies go through a number of stages after the wedding. Dr. Patricia Papernow says stepfamilies start with a fantasy of how quickly their family will bond. The family is immersed into the realities of stepfamily living which brings confusion and difficulties. Then comes an awareness of what needs to be fixed that allows the family to mobilize their strengths, air their differences, and find solutions. The action stage makes the plan a reality and turns disharmony into harmony.
January 24, 2018
Would you want to be the President? I mean, you have to be in charge of everything!
Now you think that’s difficult. Imagine being a parent in charge of a miniature society. You’re in charge of everything. Well, thankfully Proverbs 28-29 say a lot about leadership, whether presidential or parental. Pursue righteousness, gain understanding and knowledge about those you serve, be humble, confess your sin, work hard, and seek the Lord’s wisdom so you can judge fairly. Good leadership at every level of society begins with God’s wisdom and our own character.
January 23, 2018
So, how many kids do you have?
I have three children but one died. So, if I say three I’ll have to explain what happened which makes most people feel awkward and retreat from the conversation. So, depending on how much energy I have, I'll avoid answering the question directly and talk about my other two boys but then I feel weird. It’s not simple. So it is for stepparents who love their stepkids but aren’t sure what the right answer is. Speaking for those of us with complicated answers, please be understanding.
January 22, 2018
When you choose a mate, you choose a set of problems for the rest of your life.
Nearly 70 percent of the conflicts couples have are perpetual issues. They are unresolved disagreements that are rooted in personality differences or personal preferences. Stepcouples also find that they marry themselves to some perpetual problems they didn’t anticipate. Things like ongoing conflict between homes, financial troubles rooted in the past, or an ex-mother in law. The quicker you accept these things and ask God for the humility to adjust to them the better off you will be.
January 19, 2018
Have you ever noticed that in God’s ministry strategy the wrong person is often the right person?
If you are like me, you’ve felt inadequate to lead a ministry. I’m not the right person. I don’t have a personality for that. I hear similar things from couples especially after I challenge them to start or lead a stepfamily class or small group in their church. “We don’t know what we are doing." I say that is perfect because God’s strength is always perfected in our weakness. In God’s economy, being the wrong person makes you the right person. Starting a small group? You can do it. Let us help.
January 18, 2018
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