How Many Kids Do You Have?
January 22, 2018
00:00
So, how many kids do you have?
I have three children but one died. So, if I say three I’ll have to explain what happened which makes most people feel awkward and retreat from the conversation. So, depending on how much energy I have, I'll avoid answering the question directly and talk about my other two boys but then I feel weird. It’s not simple. So it is for stepparents who love their stepkids but aren’t sure what the right answer is. Speaking for those of us with complicated answers, please be understanding.
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When you choose a mate, you choose a set of problems for the rest of your life.
Nearly 70 percent of the conflicts couples have are perpetual issues. They are unresolved disagreements that are rooted in personality differences or personal preferences. Stepcouples also find that they marry themselves to some perpetual problems they didn’t anticipate. Things like ongoing conflict between homes, financial troubles rooted in the past, or an ex-mother in law. The quicker you accept these things and ask God for the humility to adjust to them the better off you will be.
January 19, 2018
Have you ever noticed that in God’s ministry strategy the wrong person is often the right person?
If you are like me, you’ve felt inadequate to lead a ministry. I’m not the right person. I don’t have a personality for that. I hear similar things from couples especially after I challenge them to start or lead a stepfamily class or small group in their church. “We don’t know what we are doing." I say that is perfect because God’s strength is always perfected in our weakness. In God’s economy, being the wrong person makes you the right person. Starting a small group? You can do it. Let us help.
January 18, 2018
What do you do when your husband is invited, but not you?
That’s fine if it’s a business meeting, but what if your adult stepchild repeatedly invites their dad—your husband—to come over but not you? Suzanne feared that if he went without her, it would undercut their marriage. On occasion, her husband needs to stand up for their marriage, but he also needs to be a dad to his son and stay connected so eventually he can be the bridge between his son and his stepmom. “All or nothing” is not the answer. Let your husband be the link between people he loves.
January 17, 2018
Whether a nation or a family, one leader can make all the difference.
Proverbs 28:2 teaches that when a nation rebels against God, it becomes weak and unstable. But a nation led by a wise and understanding leader continues to be unified and strong. The same is true for a family. Your family may have been plagued by sinful behavior but it doesn’t have to stay that way. You can be the change agent who brings stability. Gain the wisdom of Scripture and let it permeate how you live and lead. The heritage you received does not have to be the legacy you pass on.
January 16, 2018
What do you do when one group of kids leaves out the other?
Ron, in our stepfamily we all get along great at the holidays, but even after three years my husband's adult children often leave my kids out. Should I be concerned? Well, since they all get along to some degree, I wouldn’t worry too much that the biological siblings compartmentalize some of their time. That’s okay. Don’t try to force togetherness. If your kids want to be included more, let them ask. It’s better that you get out of the way and the siblings figure this out on their own.
January 15, 2018
Now I know you’ve heard me say some crazy things but this one takes the cake. Learn to endure disharmony in your home.
I don’t expect you to be happy when someone is unhappy. Disharmony is a natural part of becoming a family. When a wedding forms a stepfamily you really don’t have a family identity. People have different last names and you have to learn how to be a family. That process almost guarantees a little disharmony maybe even a lot. But what’s cool is that working through things actually helps you to become a family. So, when disharmony comes take a deep breath, whisper a prayer, and keep on stepping.
January 12, 2018
Do you want to know if you are ready to marry someone? Do not live together.
The research is clear. Cohabiting couples have lower levels of commitment, higher break up rates, and for those who do go on to marry; higher rates of divorce. Cohabiting doesn’t help you know if you are ready to get married any more than dipping your toe in the shallow end of the pool helps you to know whether or not you can swim. Take God at His word and trust Him. Keep your objectivity by not cohabiting and saving sex until marriage. That way you’ll make more solid decisions for your future.
January 11, 2018
I know you really don’t want to, but we need to talk about porn.
Porn is everywhere. First exposure for many kids is age four. Around 65 percent of young adult men use it weekly; one third of web users are women; and teens and young adults are twice as likely to rank not recycling as more immoral than viewing porn. This affects all of us and research shows the spiritual, relational, emotional, intellectual, social, even neurological effects on users and those around them. So, put an arm around someone, maybe yourself, and say, “Because I care, let’s talk.”
January 10, 2018
Blended families need to be bold as a lion.
The host of a national radio program asked people to call and share how their church had helped their blended family. Normally the phones would light up, but this time the calls stopped. Online someone explained, "Sadly, churches haven’t helped.” Now, in their defense, churches can’t have a ministry for every need. That’s why we provide equipping and resources. Still Proverbs 28 invites the righteous to be bold as a lion. Be bold to encourage your church to start a stepfamily ministry.
January 9, 2018
So, do you have any technoference in your parenting?
Technoference refers to the minor everyday intrusions or interruptions technology has on our relationships. Think about your parenting for a minute. While having dinner, or playing with your child—if your phone vibrates do you check it? Sixty five percent of mothers now admit that a device fairly often interrupts playtime or discipline with their child—and now researchers have found a link between technoference and child misbehavior. Distracted parents simply aren’t in synch with their child.
January 8, 2018
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