Avoiding the Teeter-Totter
April 14, 2020
00:00
Parents need to get off the teeter-totter.
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person’s position led you to take a polar opposite position? Normally you wouldn’t take that position, but because they do, you do. This is a trap for some parents. One is strict so the other becomes permissive. When one goes down on the teeter-totter, the other goes up. Well, if a parent and a stepparent don’t get off the teeter-totter, the family suffers. Stop trying to counter balance the other, move toward the middle, and find balance.
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Did your mom ever tell you to “Act your best”?
You were just in the worst mood towards a loved one but now you have a smile on your face and kindness in your heart. What is that? Maybe we do that because we want to make a good first impression or we trust that our family is not going to go anywhere. But permanence is not an excuse for bad behavior. You know how you treated your waiter or waitress at lunch? Be kind to your spouse like that. And be patient with kids and co-workers alike. Act your best, especially with those you love the most.
April 13, 2020
Have you forgotten to rejoice?
Mary Magdalene told the disciples the tomb was empty and that Jesus was gone. Empty? Gone? Gone where? And why? Upon inspecting the strips of linen and the burial cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus, the Bible tells us that two of his disciples “believed.” But it’s not until Jesus appears to them that they rejoice. What about us? We’ve often heard the story of Christ’s resurrection and we believe. But do we rejoice? Didn’t you hear what she said? The tomb is empty! We serve a risen Savior!
April 10, 2020
How do you let stepchildren know you’re not trying to take their parent’s place?
The answer to this question is important because a child who thinks you’re trying to take their parent’s place will likely work hard to prevent you from doing so. So, just tell them and tell the biological parent, too. A stepmom might say to the Mom: “I want you to know, that I know, you’re the mom, not me. My job is to bless your kids, not get in the way.” Doing this lowers the child’s and the parent’s sense of threat and their need to oppose the stepparent. It invites cooperation.
April 9, 2020
Is self-care the same as selfishness?
The Christian faith urges us to deny ourselves and serve others. But does that mean that all self-care is selfish? In Mark 1, after healing many people and drawing a crowd, the Bible tells us Jesus disappeared the next morning. He went off by himself to pray. I think that’s self-care. And when pressured to go back to the crowds, the better option, he said, was to go preach somewhere else. That’s self-care, too. Maybe self-care that orients you toward the purposes of God isn’t selfish at all.
April 8, 2020
Ron, what do we do? My kids are confusing my husband.
We all have different roles and each role tends to have a label. Suzanne’s kids were confusing her husband. The youngest calls him Dad; the middle will only call him by his first name; and the oldest calls him, “Hey, you.” Since terms tend to reflect emotional bonds and loyalty conflicts in children, mom and stepdad should learn to be okay with different labels. As long as the terms are respectful, go with it. Focus on being Christ-like. The labels will change, but the relationship will endure.
April 7, 2020
Did you know that when it comes to your neighbor, the Bible says that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?
The Bible says in Proverbs 11, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” The co-parents I’ve met who impressed me lived by this verse. Though they sometimes were tempted to say negative things about their ex or to their child about their extended family they chose to say nothing at all. They understand that negativity invites negativity and that children suffer when parents belittle each other. If you can’t say anything nice, hold your tongue.
April 6, 2020
I think it’s time to rethink premarital sex and cohabitation.
In today’s culture sex before marriage and living together is the norm. But what if God’s precepts against doing so were meant to protect you from the pain of a break up? The best research shows that cohabitation disrupts the formation of a long-term commitment. And cohabiting parents break up at a higher rate and inadvertently expose their children to dangerous home situations. Since up to 40% of all children will spend time in a cohabiting home let's rethink this and let God protect us.
April 3, 2020
Ron, how does autism affect a stepfamily?
Blending two families is even more challenging with a child on the autism spectrum because they have rigid routines and struggle to connect emotionally. Now, bonding is what a blended family is trying to do so where does that leave a stepparent with an autistic stepchild? Or stepsiblings who don’t understand why so many things have to be centered on the autistic child. Well, you have to move slowly as a family, make changes very carefully, and lower your expectations for emotional bonding.
April 2, 2020
Life poses many questions. And when painful things happen, our questions reveal a lot about us.
When bad things happen psychologically we have an immediate need to know what we are dealing with. So we ask lots of “What?” oriented questions. What happened? When? Where? Then we ask “Why?” Why would someone do that? If God is in control, why would this happen? But if we’re not careful we stop there. We forget to ask the “Who” question. Who do I trust? Trust in the Lord, advises Proverbs, not your own understanding. The “What?” and the “Why?” never satisfy the soul, but the “Who?” does.
April 1, 2020
When two people have their backs turned, who makes the first move?
I know a stepmom who has good relationships with most of her stepchildren, but she and her stepdaughter are stuck. So first, she decided to cut her stepdaughter a break and realize that not everything she does is personal. Second, she needs to set firm boundaries. And third, she needs to forgive her stepdaughter for a few things so she can make the first move towards reconciliation. Why her? Because when your backs are turned the first person responsible to turn back around is always you.
March 31, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.