Lying and Living in Fear
March 27, 2017
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Lying and hiding the truth just means you have to live in fear.
Imagine his surprise. He thought he was her fifth husband, but two years into their marriage, he found out he was her ninth. She lied because she was afraid he wouldn’t marry her if he knew. The issue is trustworthiness. Lying about your past creates an artificial foundation for your relationship that will feel fragile, not stable. Being honest may cost you something. Sometimes it’s difficult but better in the long-run to have a relationship built on truth than on quick sand. What good is that?
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A flip-flop is not always something you wear on your feet. Sometimes, it’s what comes out of your mouth.
A verbal flip-flop is when you take a soft feeling and replace it with a hard, negative one. In a blended family imagine a stepparent who is concerned that a stepchild is not learning responsibility. Instead of expressing that concern calmly, they flip-flop out criticism. The skill to learn is to lead with compassion. Something like, “Because I care for your son let’s talk about teaching him responsibility.” The Proverbs say, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
March 24, 2017
A stepdad can be a powerful influence in the life of a child. But not if he isn’t trusted.
Fathers are very influential. They teach respect for rules, independent thinking, and their love fosters self confidence in kids. A stepfather can have this same influence but they will never get the chance if early on they’re demanding or inconsiderate because the child will pull away and stay away. What can you do? Earn the right to lead a child by being trustworthy and treat their mother with respect and kindness. Represent God’s love and become a powerful influence in their life.
March 23, 2017
Ok, stepfamilies. It’s time to step down…your expectations, I mean.
“Why won’t my son ask his stepfather for help with his math?” one mom asked me. This mom wanted her son to feel comfortable with Tim, so she kept pressuring them to get along. But pressure often backfires. One key step for stepfamilies is to step down your expectations. No, you don't give up. Just realize that family integration takes years and pressure doesn’t help. Accept and appreciate relationships as they are today makes for a more relaxed home which, ironically, helps people become family.
March 22, 2017
From your kids—wouldn’t you appreciate a little gratitude!
So, I was getting some maintenance done of the car my son drives. When I asked him to come and pick me up I got attitude. Apparently I disrupted his Saturday morning sleep. Well I got up at 6:15 in order to get the car fixed and I never got a thank you for the money I spent. Then I thought: I wonder if God has the same problem with me? I have a good job that puts food on the table for my family and yet sometimes I still complain. Ouch. Yes, all children need to learn gratitude and to be content.
March 21, 2017
In some ways discipleship is simply taking off and putting on.
We’re talking about virtues to put on; one of them is forgiveness. What do you have to take off to put forgiveness on? For starters, the idea that forgiveness is condoning or excusing an offense; it’s not. It’s not forgetting the offense either. To forgive you also have to take off the idea that justice will be lost or you’ll be weak. No, forgiveness empowers. The person still might have a debt to pay to society but you are releasing their debt to you. Just as God, in Christ, has forgiven yours.
March 20, 2017
Okay, I’m talking to the kids today. Have you ever noticed that sometimes when we’re sad on the inside, we act grumpy on the outside?
Eighteen-year-old Rachel's mother and brother were telling her how hard it was to get along with her lately. Her mom had started dating a guy and it made her miss her father who had died. But instead of being sad and sharing her grief with her family, she got grumpy and cranky. When your heart hurts the best way to deal with it is to actually be sad. Being grouchy just creates more problems. So, talk with someone you trust about your sadness. Give your heart a chance to find comfort.
March 17, 2017
Now here’s a funny one: sometimes, when we’re feeling insecure in our marriage, we yell at our spouse so they’ll come closer. Yeah, right!
Getting negative when we just want to be held—it’s human nature. We’re kind of like my dog that barks at people and greets them with their teeth showing. I know all she wants is to be picked up and held, but they think she’s attacking. Put your teeth away and stop barking. Calm yourself and present your need in a way that it can be received. Something like, “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. Any chance we can spend some time together?” Go on, give it a try, and see what happens.
March 16, 2017
Sometimes parents find themselves at a real disadvantage.
This one might sound off track at first, but stay with me. Don’t care too much about winning your kid’s approval. Chasing their approval makes you hesitate when you need to set a boundary or be firm. So not caring puts you in a position of strength. This is why stepparents who chase their child’s acceptance are at a disadvantage. It's also why they need the biological parent to be the heavy at first so they can focus on bonding. It’s a disadvantage but teamwork will get you through it.
March 15, 2017
“No, we can’t have you at our church because your background and past might infect everyone else.”
Can you imagine a pastor saying that to you? Where did we get the idea that you have to be perfect before you can come to Christ? Isn’t that what he does for us? One of the key steps for stepfamilies is step up to discover a God who loves and forgives those in blended families just like he loves and forgives those in first families. Here’s the deal, some stepfamilies are the result of sinful choices; others are not. But either way, Christ welcomes you to his body and promises to wash you clean.
March 14, 2017
Stepfamily living…without God? Now that’s a thorny path.
Life is tough but life without God is even tougher. The Bible, in Proverbs 22:5, says that crooked people have thorns and snares in their way; but “whoever guards his soul” it says, “will keep far from them.” Putting up guardrails based on God’s guidance encourages morality and ethical living and helps families move down the road despite challenges. So, parents, teach virtuous living and model it. You can try to put the pieces of your family together without God but I wouldn’t recommend it.
March 13, 2017
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