Marriage: Pick Me Up and Hold Me
March 16, 2017
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Now here’s a funny one: sometimes, when we’re feeling insecure in our marriage, we yell at our spouse so they’ll come closer. Yeah, right!
Getting negative when we just want to be held—it’s human nature. We’re kind of like my dog that barks at people and greets them with their teeth showing. I know all she wants is to be picked up and held, but they think she’s attacking. Put your teeth away and stop barking. Calm yourself and present your need in a way that it can be received. Something like, “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. Any chance we can spend some time together?” Go on, give it a try, and see what happens.
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Sometimes parents find themselves at a real disadvantage.
This one might sound off track at first, but stay with me. Don’t care too much about winning your kid’s approval. Chasing their approval makes you hesitate when you need to set a boundary or be firm. So not caring puts you in a position of strength. This is why stepparents who chase their child’s acceptance are at a disadvantage. It's also why they need the biological parent to be the heavy at first so they can focus on bonding. It’s a disadvantage but teamwork will get you through it.
March 15, 2017
“No, we can’t have you at our church because your background and past might infect everyone else.”
Can you imagine a pastor saying that to you? Where did we get the idea that you have to be perfect before you can come to Christ? Isn’t that what he does for us? One of the key steps for stepfamilies is step up to discover a God who loves and forgives those in blended families just like he loves and forgives those in first families. Here’s the deal, some stepfamilies are the result of sinful choices; others are not. But either way, Christ welcomes you to his body and promises to wash you clean.
March 14, 2017
Stepfamily living…without God? Now that’s a thorny path.
Life is tough but life without God is even tougher. The Bible, in Proverbs 22:5, says that crooked people have thorns and snares in their way; but “whoever guards his soul” it says, “will keep far from them.” Putting up guardrails based on God’s guidance encourages morality and ethical living and helps families move down the road despite challenges. So, parents, teach virtuous living and model it. You can try to put the pieces of your family together without God but I wouldn’t recommend it.
March 13, 2017
To better understand someone else, walk a mile in their shoes.
That’s really good advice in a lot of situations, but especially helpful when it comes to difficult people. In Romans 12 the Bible says, “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” One thing that helps us live in peace is being empathetic. Seeing life from their perspective. Sometimes that recalibrates your perspective of them and yourself. Walking a mile in their shoes won’t fix every dilemma but it reminds your heart to be patience and that’s a mercy we all benefit from.
March 10, 2017
You’ve heard of Heinz® “57 Varieties”, right? Well, when it comes to blended families, there are 67 varieties.
When you throw all the possible scenarios into the computer, there are 67 possible stepfamily combinations. But, despite all the varieties there are some core needs that are common to all stepfamilies. And while there didn’t used to be now there are resources that teach about those core needs. FamilyLife Blended is helping churches all around the country bring these educational resources to communities like yours. The result: you get answers for your family variety.
March 9, 2017
“Ron, our marriage is great. It would be wonderful if it was just the two of us but it’s not.”
Sarah had come to realize that parenting dramatically affects a stepfamily marriage. One key for stepfamilies is to step in line. A line dance is when many people stand beside each other and do the same steps. In blended families, all the adults, sometimes across many homes, need to coordinate their parenting in order to bring harmony to the parenting process. This helps kids but it also helps couples have a stronger marriage. Cooperation isn’t easy but everything gets better when it happens.
March 8, 2017
Hey, man, get a hold of yourself.
Many people fall prey to their own passions, desires, and emotions. But getting a hold of yourself is about taking command of your tongue, your selfish desires, and your fears. So, whether you’re a parent who doesn’t follow through on discipline because you feel guilty about something, an employee who cuts corners because everyone else does, or a teenager who back-talks a stepparent when you’re really frustrated with your mom or dad—you’re not exercising self-control. Ask God to help you.
March 7, 2017
When it comes to parenting united you stand, but divided they fall.
Parents who disagree on how to parent find that their kids are the ones who fall through the cracks or get caught in the crossfire. This is really true in blended families because you’re divided on day one as a family and you stay stuck that way. One thing that can unify you is good parenting. Read a book together or join a small group—there’s lots of parent training available. You have no excuse. Stop arguing. Getting on the same parenting page will bridge your gaps and strengthen your home.
March 6, 2017
Because we parents love our kids, we are vigilant to protect them from harm. What’s sobering though, is all the things we can’t control.
We can’t control what another kid says to them, what they are exposed to on the internet, an illness they might pick up, or how someone drives when giving them a ride. Stepparents also have things they can’t control. What a parent in the other home says about them. How quickly a stepchild will open their heart. And never being their spouse’s first love. So, stepparent what do you do? Well, what all parents do. Pray and cast your anxieties on the One who can be trusted with what we can’t control.
March 3, 2017
There are seven things the Lord hates says Proverbs 6. And the first thing on the list is a proud heart.
Throughout Scripture, God makes it clear he opposes those who think highly of themselves. Let me encourage you to remain humble before the Lord for you will be lifted up and granted mercy. But don’t stop there. Be humble about who you are with others. Instead of looking out for yourself look out for them. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit says Philippians 2. But in humility count others more significant than yourselves. If everyone in your family lived that way...That would be great!
March 2, 2017
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