Viewing Your Spouse With God’s Eyes
September 25, 2017
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Do you remember the good or the bad?
After eating the forbidden fruit and starting a cascade of curses on humanity Eve gets named by Adam. But Adam, who just a few verses prior blamed her for everything, does not name her “One Who Messed Up Everything." No, he names her “Life-giver.” Bible teacher Tim Lundy says he stopped blaming her. He looked beyond it to what God saw. In faith, he remembered the good and spoke life over her. What if we did that with the people in our lives, looked past bad moments, and spoke life?
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Sometimes you have to have a never say die attitude.
In sports, we love players who leave it all on the field. In life, it’s the same. Bonding for some stepparents is easy, others, not so much. They’re blocked and tackled before making any progress. Kids do this for different reasons. Some feel like their family’s being blitzed and they’re cut-off from their parent and still others, who bonded for a season, decided you’re in the way so they throw a new defense at you. You can’t control any of that. But you can stubbornly love and stay in the game.
September 22, 2017
What’s the difference between a great accomplishment and just another failed attempt?
Walt Disney went bankrupt and was fired for lacking imagination and Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected 27 times. But each eventually succeeded because they were persistent. Proverbs 12:11 teaches that persistence pays off but distraction is a barrier. That’s what separates successful blended families from those who tried and failed. Faithfully being persistent to work on your marriage and family even in the face of discouragement is what brings about a positive turning point for most families.
September 21, 2017
When you’re a part-time parent, it’s amazing what matters—and what doesn’t.
Eric is a stickler about drink coasters and insists all use one except his kids. He only gets to see his kids a few days a month and he wants them to want to come back so, he doesn’t notice when they use a drink coaster. But his wife notices that he doesn’t notice and she resents it. Eric, dude. Guests should get a free pass from using a coaster, but your children are not guests. You can’t have a double standard and expect peace and harmony. Now, pass your kids a coaster and say, “Welcome home.”
September 20, 2017
When things are tough, default back into the arms of God.
Three main sources of what’s truthful about relationships are God, mature trusted friends and mentors, and yourself. But only trust yourself after years of walking with God. Until then, selfishness gets in the way. But who do you trust if your relationship is in distress? Default back to trusting mostly in God and some in mentors or counselors. Not in yourself. Pain and fear have a way of biasing our viewpoint. Repent of wrongdoing, ask for and grant forgiveness, and extend grace.
September 19, 2017
Those who love well know what to ignore and what to follow.
When someone who cares for you is angry, what they're saying is “I need you.” You see, when we feel unimportant to someone we value we get angry and anger on the outside hides fear and desire on the inside. We want to be important. Now, when on the receiving end of someone’s anger, what mature people do is look past the anger to the desire behind it. Instead of anger or disappointment, they hear “I need you and want to be closer.” Then they move toward that desire. That’s how pain becomes peace.
September 18, 2017
Do you expect to get paid extra for doing your job? Ahhh, nope.
You don’t expect anyone except your boss to say thank you, right? Parenting is like that. Parents expect their kids to be thankful, but we don’t expect others to thank us for caring for them. Stepparents are a little different. They give out of the overflow of their hearts so it’s nice when others notice what they do for their stepkids. September 16 is National Stepfamily Day. This is a good opportunity to honor stepparents and call attention to the love that’s shared in blended family homes.
September 15, 2017
Want to speed up bonding in your stepfamily? Stop orchestrating togetherness and just let them simmer.
Parents in stepfamilies can be anxious about how quickly people are bonding. But wise parents learn to be patient. One stepdad figured this out the hard way. He said, “When my kids came over to visit, they would hug some of their stepsiblings and shake hands with others. Then her kids would migrate back to her and mine to me. At first we thought we had to group everyone together so they would like each other. But we learned to let them simmer and respected when and how they chose to blend.”
September 14, 2017
When it comes to your marriage, the truth will set you free.
Terry and Sharon Hargrave suggest there are three sources of “truth” about your marriage. The first and most reliable source is God. Scripture tells you the truth about relationships, how to love, and who you are. The second is wise, godly people to lean into when you need perspective. Third is yourself. But only after you mature. Young couples shouldn’t trust themselves but older couples who have walked with God and learned hard lessons can listen to that voice that's in step with the Spirit.
September 13, 2017
Sorry, Ron, this might hurt.
So I’m getting my teeth cleaned and the hygienist says, “Sorry I’m having to be assertive.” I mumble back, “It’s okay; I’m not feeling any pain.” To which she says, “Then I’m not doing my job.” Wait, you mean there’s supposed to be pain? Yes, in many areas of life, pain means growth. When was the last time you read God’s word and let it step on your toes? Or made yourself attend a parenting or marriage or relationship conference? Or walked into a church without knowing anyone? No pain, no gain.
September 12, 2017
If your parenting came to an end today, would you have any regrets?
Nan and I have three sons. A few years ago our middle son, Connor, died of an illness at the age of 12. I certainly wasn’t finished parenting him, but I don’t have any regrets. We went fishing. We celebrated his talents and his gifts and urged him to use them for others. We talked about sexuality and other awkward subjects and we shared the gospel with him. I’m so glad we did because eternity came sooner than we thought. Parents, we can’t count on tomorrow. Love them and parent them today.
September 11, 2017
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