Surprise!
August 28, 2017
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Some surprises are great! Others, not so much.
Ask a parent what surprised them most about being a parent and you get a variety of responses: how scared we feel when we don’t know what to do, and how much fun it is to watch your child use their God-given gifts. We asked stepmoms what surprised them most and they sounded like other parents. Some were surprised by how complex stepparenting is and how hard it is to explain that to others. And some were surprised, despite their fears, that loving stepchildren was easier than they ever imagined.
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You know it’s true: we often judge what we don’t understand.
There are many things about stepfamily living that people who don’t live in a stepfamily find hard to understand. Mostly, people are supportive but not everyone. The Bible says in Proverbs 11, “A man who lacks judgment belittles his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” From the outside it’s easy to criticize but those who take the time to understand discover that stepfamilies, like all families, consist of imperfect people who are redeemed by a Savior.
August 25, 2017
Honestly, sometimes when siblings fight, it’s our fault.
Sibling conflict is normal but sibling rivalry is rooted in something bigger. In the Bible, Jacob favored a special son, Joseph. Now Joseph’s brothers really resented him being favored and when he was presented with an extravagant robe, they had had enough. They wanted Joseph gone. The moral of the story: Sibling rivalry is predictable when parents show favoritism. Stepfamilies are vulnerable to this. So do your best to pour yourself equally into every child in your home. They all need you.
August 24, 2017
What does the second law of thermodynamics have to do with your relationships?
At FamilyLife® we tell people to be intentional about their relationships. Why? Because of entropy. Entropy is the unavailability of a system’s thermal energy for conversion into mechanical work. It’s the gradual decline of a system into disorder. Boy, did that hurt my brain. Okay, it’s why your mobile phone needs to be recharged and why the sun will burn out in 5 billion years. Relationships are like an old grandfather clock; if you don’t wind them up every once in a while, they stop working.
August 23, 2017
You’ve heard of a dog whisperer, right? Have you heard of a gossip whisperer?
Dog whisperers communicate with dogs. Gossip whisperers with people and according to Proverbs 26, they divide relationships and stir up strife. They whisper something to one person and something else to another. It’s fun to hear what they say, but God calls it an abomination because it hurts people. There are whisperers in church, the halls of school or business, in families, and on Twitter. Don’t be a whisperer and don’t listen to somebody who is. Better yet, tell them to knock it off.
August 22, 2017
My teenage daughter wants to live somewhere else. Should we let her?
Jerry’s daughter was angry over her parent’s divorce, living life between homes, and now Jerry’s remarriage. She wanted to live only with her mom. I told him that developmentally sometimes kids need to live with one parent more than the other for a season, but this request is about anger and avoiding conflict. That is not a good reason to make a change. Keep your visitation time and keep working through things. This is about reconciling with your daughter and that is always worth the effort.
August 21, 2017
Stepfamilies work hard to bond new relationships so is it ever okay to leave someone out?
That was the question a 62-year-old woman asked. She and her husband both have adult children and grandchildren. She loves being with his family, but wants to go visit her grandkids when her husband is at work. Compartmentalizing your time and relationships like this can be a healthy thing for stepfamilies. Spending exclusive time with your kids renews the hearts of those who have experienced a loss. All things in balance, give time to new relationships and the entire stepfamily, too.
August 18, 2017
If you’re a parent or stepparent, you and the highway department, have a lot in common.
The freedom to drive does not mean you get to drive anywhere you want. The highway department and other things determine that. Sometimes there is only one lane and sometimes there are multiple lanes. That’s when you get to choose. Good parenting is like being the highway department. We set the boundaries for our kids and teach them where and how fast they can drive. The combination of freedom and boundaries, and a few tickets every now and then, makes for a well-trained driver.
August 17, 2017
Is 41 years long enough to date before getting married?
Maybe you heard about the couple who dated 41 years before getting married. More couples are engaging in extended dating, but there’s a point of diminishing return. Our research found that stepcouples who dated five years or longer had lower quality relationships. Tension develops. Often because one partner wants to get married more than the other. Add in issues of sexual purity, finances, kids and things can turn sour. My advice? Either make a commitment or don’t. Don’t drag it out.
August 16, 2017
What if you couldn’t protect your family?
Before I go to bed I make sure the windows and doors are locked, the alarm is on, and the house secure. But what if there were no windows to shut? No doors to lock? Proverbs 25 says living without self-control is like a city with no walls. A parent who puts the family in debt, can’t control their tongue or set boundaries for their kids, and is without self-control leaves their family vulnerable to harm. Parents, temptation will come. Ask God to give you wisdom to stand and protect your home.
August 15, 2017
Ron, I never see my son and his father is making sure of it.
Parent alienation is happening more and more. Like my friend whose parents divorced when he was young. His father manipulated the system and his children. In his late 20’s my friend realized that all he knew about his mom was what his father had always told him. He took a chance, reached out to her, and discovered the mother he’d always longed for was prayerfully waiting nearby. God’s heart is for reconciliation not selfish division. It’s time we speak up and speak out. Alienation is wrong.
August 14, 2017
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