Avoid Entropy. Be Intentional.
August 23, 2017
00:00
What does the second law of thermodynamics have to do with your relationships?
At FamilyLife® we tell people to be intentional about their relationships. Why? Because of entropy. Entropy is the unavailability of a system’s thermal energy for conversion into mechanical work. It’s the gradual decline of a system into disorder. Boy, did that hurt my brain. Okay, it’s why your mobile phone needs to be recharged and why the sun will burn out in 5 billion years. Relationships are like an old grandfather clock; if you don’t wind them up every once in a while, they stop working.
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You’ve heard of a dog whisperer, right? Have you heard of a gossip whisperer?
Dog whisperers communicate with dogs. Gossip whisperers with people and according to Proverbs 26, they divide relationships and stir up strife. They whisper something to one person and something else to another. It’s fun to hear what they say, but God calls it an abomination because it hurts people. There are whisperers in church, the halls of school or business, in families, and on Twitter. Don’t be a whisperer and don’t listen to somebody who is. Better yet, tell them to knock it off.
August 22, 2017
My teenage daughter wants to live somewhere else. Should we let her?
Jerry’s daughter was angry over her parent’s divorce, living life between homes, and now Jerry’s remarriage. She wanted to live only with her mom. I told him that developmentally sometimes kids need to live with one parent more than the other for a season, but this request is about anger and avoiding conflict. That is not a good reason to make a change. Keep your visitation time and keep working through things. This is about reconciling with your daughter and that is always worth the effort.
August 21, 2017
Stepfamilies work hard to bond new relationships so is it ever okay to leave someone out?
That was the question a 62-year-old woman asked. She and her husband both have adult children and grandchildren. She loves being with his family, but wants to go visit her grandkids when her husband is at work. Compartmentalizing your time and relationships like this can be a healthy thing for stepfamilies. Spending exclusive time with your kids renews the hearts of those who have experienced a loss. All things in balance, give time to new relationships and the entire stepfamily, too.
August 18, 2017
If you’re a parent or stepparent, you and the highway department, have a lot in common.
The freedom to drive does not mean you get to drive anywhere you want. The highway department and other things determine that. Sometimes there is only one lane and sometimes there are multiple lanes. That’s when you get to choose. Good parenting is like being the highway department. We set the boundaries for our kids and teach them where and how fast they can drive. The combination of freedom and boundaries, and a few tickets every now and then, makes for a well-trained driver.
August 17, 2017
Is 41 years long enough to date before getting married?
Maybe you heard about the couple who dated 41 years before getting married. More couples are engaging in extended dating, but there’s a point of diminishing return. Our research found that stepcouples who dated five years or longer had lower quality relationships. Tension develops. Often because one partner wants to get married more than the other. Add in issues of sexual purity, finances, kids and things can turn sour. My advice? Either make a commitment or don’t. Don’t drag it out.
August 16, 2017
What if you couldn’t protect your family?
Before I go to bed I make sure the windows and doors are locked, the alarm is on, and the house secure. But what if there were no windows to shut? No doors to lock? Proverbs 25 says living without self-control is like a city with no walls. A parent who puts the family in debt, can’t control their tongue or set boundaries for their kids, and is without self-control leaves their family vulnerable to harm. Parents, temptation will come. Ask God to give you wisdom to stand and protect your home.
August 15, 2017
Ron, I never see my son and his father is making sure of it.
Parent alienation is happening more and more. Like my friend whose parents divorced when he was young. His father manipulated the system and his children. In his late 20’s my friend realized that all he knew about his mom was what his father had always told him. He took a chance, reached out to her, and discovered the mother he’d always longed for was prayerfully waiting nearby. God’s heart is for reconciliation not selfish division. It’s time we speak up and speak out. Alienation is wrong.
August 14, 2017
Want to affair-proof your marriage? Then guard your heart.
“Guard yourselves in your spirit,” says Malachi 2:16 in the Bible, “and do not be faithless to the wife of your youth.” The men of Judah had been trading in their wives for younger women and God was calling them into repentance. “The way you keep yourself from sin, is to guard your spirit.". As married people we should guard our thoughts against thinking negatively about our spouse. Guard our eyes from whatever distracts us. And guard our boundaries so an inappropriate relationship doesn’t form.
August 11, 2017
Being a part-time parent is challenging.
Stepparents, when kids are in your home part-time bonding can feel like it’s one step forward and two steps back. And, biological parents can wrestle with balancing time to connect with expecting the child to contribute around the home. So here’s the deal. All you can do is all you can do. If circumstances limit your time together, make the most of it as best you can, but realize you can’t overcome every barrier. Hey, even chores can be opportunities for conversation, training, and big hugs.
August 10, 2017
Are you interested in stronger relationships? Here’s a tip: Gently, say what you need.
We all have needs in relationships. A spouse will barrage their mate with an avalanche of words, but never simply say, “I need more time with you.” A teenager will break a few rules and be obstinate instead of saying, “I don’t like who I am; I need more encouragement from you.” Or a stepparent who feels rejected by a stepchild might withdraw instead of admitting they feel awkward. Being direct and transparent can be clumsy but getting to the point makes connection far more likely.
August 9, 2017
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.