Step-Money: Landmine Mistakes to Avoid
May 9, 2019
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Stepfamilies have a few financial landmines: don’t step on them.
According to Patricia Estess, the first landmine is relying too heavily on a former spouse for child support. Being dependent makes you vulnerable. The second is skimping on the new family and spending on the old. Throwing money at your kids won’t erase guilt or make up for lost time. Honor all your commitments equally. And third, don't have two different financial standards. Share your resources and treat everyone the same. When it comes to monetary landmines in stepfamilies, step around them.
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Today let me share reason number 642 why stepparents need a hug.
One stepmom was pleasantly surprised when her two oldest stepdaughters gave her a card on Mother’s Day. It read, “Everyone needs a back-up mom. You’re mine!” What a huge compliment. She was beaming from ear to ear. So, why does she need a hug? Because this stepmom’s other two stepchildren didn’t acknowledge her at all on Mother’s Day. Not a word. So which is it? Is she accepted or rejected? A part of the family or pushed aside? Ambiguity is a stepparent’s middle name. That’s why they need a hug.
May 8, 2019
When you live like Jesus, you make a difference in someone’s life.
Being Christ-like in our daily lives leaves an indelible mark especially when our actions stand in direct contrast to others. Growing up, Mandy had a Mom and stepmom. Her mom always spoke critically of her dad. She immediately noticed a difference when her stepmom came into her life. She spoke to her dad with respect and warmth and her devotion to him made an intense impression. Today, Mandy is a loving wife because of her obedient stepmom. Does our behavior impact others? You bet it does.
May 7, 2019
A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Have you ever noticed what we don’t know about the Proverbs 31 woman? We don’t know her age, her race, her specific ethnicity (though likely middle-eastern), or what her political leanings are. We do know she works hard, cares for the underprivileged and her family, is wise, strong, dignified, and moral. She could be the first wife or second, the mom or the stepmom. Her external performance doesn’t matter, her character does. Got a wife or mom or daughter like this? Rise up and call her blessed.
May 6, 2019
You’ve been more of a mom to me than my real mom, so can I call you mom?
Man, you want to talk about music to a stepmom’s ears. That’s it. Can I call you mom? Now here’s the back story. The early years were difficult and hurtful but this stepmom was determined. She just kept living and loving. And now, 15 years later, at the age of 28 her stepdaughter asked, “Can I call you mom?” Are you still in “difficult and hurtful” today? Hang on. Keep going. Love isn’t done yet.
May 3, 2019
Okay, ladies. It’s time to stop shooting yourself in the foot.
Cohabitation promises a lot, but delivers very little. Research confirms that cohabiting women are just as committed as married women. And, cohabiting men are not and they remain less committed. In other words, a cohabiting woman assumes she is in a stable, long-term relationship when really she isn’t. Choosing that—it’s like shooting herself in the foot. Our culture calls cohabitation a safe guard for women. It’s not. Cohabitation creates vulnerability. Don’t listen to the lie. Listen to God.
May 2, 2019
Can you imagine? Telling a parent to abandon their child?
No, you probably can’t. But that’s exactly what this stepmom said to her own husband about his son. I guess she was anxious her son would be short changed in the family will. Her exact words were, “Get rid of him.” How awful. That’s exactly what Sarah said to Abraham about his son, Ishmael. And it greatly distressed Abraham. Okay, let’s learn from this. Jealousy and insecurity divide, devour, and destroy family relationships. Pray to get rid of jealousy and ask God for an open, gracious heart.
May 1, 2019
Shallow is fun, but you can’t stay there forever.
There’s a temptation in dating to keep things on the surface. If you get too deep into things you might lose the relationship. Monica is a single parent dating a single dad, Justin. They’re having fun and the kids get along great but his former wife calls the shots when it comes to his kids. Monica is concerned and she should be, but she’s afraid to bring it up. Okay, going deep might burst her fantasy. All I know is, there’s no future in shallow. Find your courage and go deep.
April 30, 2019
Here are some ministry tips for pastors and everyone else.
Family Pastor and stepdad Dave Bondeson shared with me some ideas to help blended families that everyone can do. He said, “First pay attention to your language.” When you’re writing an email to a group of parents be more inclusive. Instead of starting with “Hey Moms and Dads” say, "Parents and Stepparents.” And second, encourage kids and parents to be more inclusive of each other. When you encourage togetherness, you help build a family.
April 29, 2019
Parents need to get off the teeter-totter.
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person’s position led you to take a polar opposite position? Normally you wouldn’t take that position, but because they do, you do. This is a trap for some parents. One is strict so the other becomes permissive. When one goes down on the teeter-totter, the other goes up. Well, if a parent and a stepparent don’t get off the teeter-totter, the family suffers. Stop trying to counter balance the other, move toward the middle, and find balance.
April 26, 2019
Did your mom ever tell you to “Act your best”?
You were just in the worst mood towards a loved one but now you have a smile on your face and kindness in your heart. What is that? Maybe we do that because we want to make a good first impression or we trust that our family is not going to go anywhere. But permanence is not an excuse for bad behavior. You know how you treated your waiter or waitress at lunch? Be kind to your spouse like that. And be patient with kids and co-workers alike. Act your best, especially with those you love the most.
April 25, 2019
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