Side With Me
June 24, 2022
00:00
Another person’s sin never justifies our own.
A woman said, “My ex-husband had an affair, divorced me, and married the woman. So, I’ve asked my children not to have a relationship with him, but they still do—and he is the lying cheater!” First let me say, I’m sorry. Your anger is understandable but it does not excuse manipulation. Nothing justifies your ex-husband’s sin but neither should you sin. Jesus said, “Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who abuse you. And as you wish others would do to you, do so to them.”
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“Now, I expect you to be courteous.”
Have you ever given that speech when you left your kids with a babysitter and you wanted them to mind their manners? When kids enter an adoptive family, a foster family, or a blended family their expectations of who’s in charge may be different than the adult’s. It’s really important to settle that question. In a stepfamily, the biological parent can set the tone. “I expect you to be courteous and respect your stepparent just like you would any authority figure.” Yeah, that ought to do it.
June 23, 2022
When our kids take their frustration out on a scapegoat, what do we do?
Maybe you’ve already heard me talk about Cassandra, a teenager who was taking her frustration with her mom out on her stepmom. Well her dad may or may not know why she’s doing this; but either way he should invite his daughter, in a soft and compassionate tone, to talk with him about what’s going on. With this approach, odds are, her heart will soften and repent and they can figure this thing out together.
June 22, 2022
Managing our anger starts with not having a scapegoat.
Every time Cassandra’s mom failed to follow through on a commitment, she took it out on her stepmom or stepsiblings. Because her relationship with her mom was fragile she’d do anything but tell her how she felt. How do things get better? Being responsible for our hurt and anger starts with knowing our fears and not giving in to them. In this case, Cassandra needs to tell her mom how much she misses her and then pray she responds. If she doesn’t, hopefully she will let her stepmom help her cry.
June 21, 2022
We’ve all done it. We’ve all taken our anger out on someone who didn’t deserve it. But why?
Frustration is not a patient emotion so it tends to erupt. Sometimes it's safer to be frustrated at people who are less valuable to us. But then again, maybe it’s safer to be frustrated with someone who can handle your anger and it won’t go anywhere. The point is this: don’t scapegoat someone else. Don’t take things out on a spouse just because they are standing there or a stepparent just because they are an easy target. Be responsible and talk directly to the person you are frustrated with.
June 20, 2022
Okay, you’ve already celebrated Mother’s Day and now I’m wondering what do you have planned for Father’s Day?
I will admit that today’s feature is a little self-serving. I, too, am a dad. It’s interesting, one poll showed that most people feel that moms get more attention on Mother’s Day than dads do on Father’s Day. I wonder why that is. I also wonder if stepdads get as much attention as biological dads? Either way, the good news is we men are not that complicated. What would really mean a lot to us on Father’s Day are a few simple words: “I appreciate you for….” Those four words would make our day.
June 17, 2022
If you’re not careful, you can miss the gift in front of you.
Brandon’s first marriage was wonderful but ended tragically when his wife died. Victoria, his second wife, felt pressure to restore what was lost for him. So, she joined him in spending all his free time with his kids and grandkids. But in the process she became invisible and lonely. Sometimes we try to create or recreate the perfect home and miss what’s in front of us. Adjust your vision and expectations. See the gift God has given you and don’t try to turn them into something else.
June 16, 2022
When the door won’t open, what do you do?
Initially, stepparents are often treated like an outsider. Eventually most get invited in but not always. Even after a decade one stepparent asked, “How do I continue giving myself to an adult stepchild whose only goal is to treat me like an unwanted guest?” It requires a delicate balance of self-care. Pull back occasionally to refuel and remain available should their heart open. Both are challenging and the process exhausting. So, pray…a merciful heart, and for God to change what you can’t.
June 15, 2022
Having a baby will solidify our blended family, right?
Sometimes couples think a “concrete child” will help solidify the wet cement of their stepfamily. Not a good idea. Common sense would say have the baby after you’ve had time to merge your family. You don’t have a baby so someone will marry you and you don’t give a wedding ring so someone will fall in love with you. You fall in love, you commit to a future together and then you give a ring. Let having a baby be about having a baby, not a tool for a family merger.
June 14, 2022
A good father serves and leads his family, and executes authority in the home. Stepdads can do this, too, but in the beginning it may look a little different.
Smart stepdads cast a godly vision for their home, but they recognize initially, they may need to lead through their wife. She has authority with her kids and she is their source of security not him. He gets this, so he provides in direct leadership. Together, with his wife, they set behavioral expectations and standards for the family, but until her kids respect him she’s going to follow through on consequences. A stepdad who humbly serves his family like this is a smart stepdad indeed.
June 13, 2022
Do you know what intestacy is?
It’s when a court has to decide after you die who is entitled to your assets. There’s a body of laws that take over when you don’t have a will and only 45% of Americans have a will. Do you want family members fighting over your stuff? Without a will you might be setting them up for just that sort of heartache. And for stepfamilies, why let the court give your spouse or their children things you wanted to give to your children? Instead, why not bless your family with your will?
June 10, 2022
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