Sharing Hard News
June 8, 2022
00:00
Ron, how do we tell our child some bad news?
Eventually, you’ll have to tell your child something hard to hear. Tell them what’s happening and how you feel about it. Then ask them how they feel. “Son, I’m sorry, but your best friend’s parents are getting a divorce and you might not see David as much. I know this is hard. I’m sad for them and for you. Now, how are you feeling about this?” When we lead with our emotions it helps our kids uncover their emotions. And checking in repeatedly over time helps you lead them through the valley.
Featured Offer
FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.
Archives
When I got married over 30 years ago I was really dumb!
I don’t mean “dumb” as in “stupid;” I mean dumb as in ignorant, naïve of all I would have to learn and the skills I’d need to develop, to be a good husband. I had no idea our “usness” would have a rhythm, a pace, a purpose, and a dance that would also require sacrifices I never knew I would have to give. Not knowing what we’d have to become may have been a gift from God. If we did know, we might not have signed on. But we didn’t and we still don’t. We only have to trust God and be teachable.
June 7, 2022
There’s a shame virus infecting parents and it’s time we address it.
Parents love their kids but they don’t always have the same affection for each child. Shamefully, parents whisper these words to me thinking they are alone but I hear it regularly. From biological parents who don’t relate well to one of their children or don’t like who their adult child is becoming. From adoptive and stepparents who are still bonding with a child. Feeling differently about kids is normal. Treat them fairly, with kindness, and work at being empathetic. Ask God to grow your love.
June 6, 2022
When it comes to social justice, facing adversity with self-control has the biggest impact.
People like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Nelson Mandela insisted on peaceful protests that invited the world to listen. They understood what Proverbs 16 teaches: being slow to anger is better than being mighty and that self-control is powerful. Strength under control carries influence. Are you patient with those who frustrate or mistreat you? Assertively speaking up for what God declares good without using anger as a weapon of choice? If not, make your home a better place by controlling yourself.
June 3, 2022
No, you don’t judge a book by its cover. Or a family for that matter.
A teacher asked a student about her family. The girl mentioned she had a stepmom, but, then was quick to clarify they didn’t say “stepmom or stepchild” in their family. It’s interesting. Family rules about what we call each other can create a lot of pressure especially on kids. But terms don’t necessarily represent the heart. What you say to others about your family is not necessarily indicative of how you feel. So give kids in complex families the freedom to use terms that make sense to them.
June 2, 2022
Try being gentle in your assertiveness.
Christians somehow think being assertive is a bad idea but I think the problem is more about how you deliver your assertiveness. Most people use a rude or angry tone. Try being gentle. With a former spouse you might calmly say, “Please stop sharing your opinions about my family with our child. You’re putting him in the middle and I know you don’t want to hurt him. Thanks.” It’s okay to be assertive—even Jesus was assertive. Just take out the rude and put in the gentle. In love, speak the truth.
June 1, 2022
Favoring a child, will divide a family.
Her father named her Joy because she was his “pride and joy.” But in this case being her father’s favorite didn’t lead to joy. Both of Joy’s parents had children from their first marriages. When she came along, she was daddy’s favorite, and he let everyone know it. Joy’s siblings resented her and it divided the family. It’s okay to have special connection points with your kids, but favoring one above the others is unjust and problematic for any family. Guard against favoritism. Love them all.
May 31, 2022
This life is not all there is.
In Luke 8, Jairus begs Jesus to heal his 12-year-old daughter. I begged Jesus to heal my 12-year-old son. Jairus daughter died. My son died. Jesus then goes to Jairus’ house, says that she is sleeping and raises her from the dead. I would love for that to happen for my son. Someday it will. When we lose someone, sometimes, we fall asleep on eternity—we forget this life is not all there is. Yes, we miss them. But wake-up and trust your family to the One who has the power to raise the dead.
May 30, 2022
And now, three ways to undermine a stepparent.
A biological parent wants their spouse—the stepparent—to be successful. But a parent inadvertently undermines the stepparent when they repeatedly defend their child, try to control how close they become, or mediate problems between their spouse and the children. The parent wants to reduce conflict and increase closeness; but it can have the opposite effect. As much as you can, let the stepparent and your children work out their relationship. The bridge they build together is much more stable.
May 27, 2022
Have you ever run down the road only to discover, it’s a dead end?
The book of Proverbs in the Bible repeats twice—word for word—this observation. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” There are many dead-end roads. Many blended families begin because someone did what seemed right to them and it destroyed a family. And later on, they picked up the pieces and started another one but what do you do now? Stop running down your own dead-end road. Rest in God’s forgiveness and start walking his path.
May 26, 2022
Travel to a foreign land and you’ll realize what you consider normal.
Crossing cultures helps you recognize that you take language, society, and relationships for granted. And other people, who have a different normal, have a hard time understanding you. The same thing applies in different types of families. If you live in a blended family find others who also live in a stepfamily. Talk about life with those in a first family and you might end up feeling abnormal. Find others who also live in Stepfamily-land and you might discover your family is pretty normal.
May 25, 2022
See More Episodes
Loading...
P
S
Listen to FamilyLife Blended® on
Amazon Echo
Learn How
Learn How
Featured Offer
FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.