“Mom, you always let me go before. You’re just saying, ’No’ now because he wants you to.”
Kids are really good about buying us tickets for a guilt trip. I mean, guilt is one of the child’s best tools to get what they want, right? It can be especially effective in stepfamilies. You’ve brought a stepparent into their lives and now the rules are changing. If you as the parent feel a little guilty about it the child can capitalize on your guilt. So, what do you do? Well, first strive for unity as a parenting team at all costs and then admit that things have changed but don’t give in.
May 15, 2019
Here’s a blended family ministry tip everyone can do.
At a Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, Family Pastor and stepdad Dave Bondeson encouraged people to listen to the stories of blended families. In this day and age, being known and accepted for who you are—not who your sanitized Instagram image says you are—is a rare thing and really appreciated. Listening, even leaning in to the tensions that may exist, helps families feel they are not alone. They’re not isolated, having to figure it all out for themselves. Having that friend, is a grace of God.
May 14, 2019
Do you ever get confused about who Jesus was? Yeah, me, too.
We’re in good company. John the Baptist called people back to God, but in Luke 7 he got a little confused, too. “Are you the One?” he asked. Jesus wasn't offended by his question. He even compliments the part of John that was faithful. But then he declares, yes, I am the Messiah—Savior—and the miracles prove it. You and I may not understand everything Jesus taught or why his life unfolded the way it did, but lean into this: He is the King; He is worthy of your trust and to be Lord of your life.
May 13, 2019
Stepfamilies have a few financial landmines: don’t step on them.
According to Patricia Estess, the first landmine is relying too heavily on a former spouse for child support. Being dependent makes you vulnerable. The second is skimping on the new family and spending on the old. Throwing money at your kids won’t erase guilt or make up for lost time. Honor all your commitments equally. And third, don't have two different financial standards. Share your resources and treat everyone the same. When it comes to monetary landmines in stepfamilies, step around them.
May 9, 2019
Today let me share reason number 642 why stepparents need a hug.
One stepmom was pleasantly surprised when her two oldest stepdaughters gave her a card on Mother’s Day. It read, “Everyone needs a back-up mom. You’re mine!” What a huge compliment. She was beaming from ear to ear. So, why does she need a hug? Because this stepmom’s other two stepchildren didn’t acknowledge her at all on Mother’s Day. Not a word. So which is it? Is she accepted or rejected? A part of the family or pushed aside? Ambiguity is a stepparent’s middle name. That’s why they need a hug.
May 8, 2019
When you live like Jesus, you make a difference in someone’s life.
Being Christ-like in our daily lives leaves an indelible mark especially when our actions stand in direct contrast to others. Growing up, Mandy had a Mom and stepmom. Her mom always spoke critically of her dad. She immediately noticed a difference when her stepmom came into her life. She spoke to her dad with respect and warmth and her devotion to him made an intense impression. Today, Mandy is a loving wife because of her obedient stepmom. Does our behavior impact others? You bet it does.
May 7, 2019
A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Have you ever noticed what we don’t know about the Proverbs 31 woman? We don’t know her age, her race, her specific ethnicity (though likely middle-eastern), or what her political leanings are. We do know she works hard, cares for the underprivileged and her family, is wise, strong, dignified, and moral. She could be the first wife or second, the mom or the stepmom. Her external performance doesn’t matter, her character does. Got a wife or mom or daughter like this? Rise up and call her blessed.
May 6, 2019
You’ve been more of a mom to me than my real mom, so can I call you mom?
Man, you want to talk about music to a stepmom’s ears. That’s it. Can I call you mom? Now here’s the back story. The early years were difficult and hurtful but this stepmom was determined. She just kept living and loving. And now, 15 years later, at the age of 28 her stepdaughter asked, “Can I call you mom?” Are you still in “difficult and hurtful” today? Hang on. Keep going. Love isn’t done yet.
May 3, 2019
Okay, ladies. It’s time to stop shooting yourself in the foot.
Cohabitation promises a lot, but delivers very little. Research confirms that cohabiting women are just as committed as married women. And, cohabiting men are not and they remain less committed. In other words, a cohabiting woman assumes she is in a stable, long-term relationship when really she isn’t. Choosing that—it’s like shooting herself in the foot. Our culture calls cohabitation a safe guard for women. It’s not. Cohabitation creates vulnerability. Don’t listen to the lie. Listen to God.
May 2, 2019