Loving With Maturity
September 13, 2019
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I once witnessed someone act in a mature, loving way and I learned a lot.
A friend stood up against an injustice. A group of people were standing by when his wife heard about what he did and because he put himself in harm’s way she reacted in anger. He could have gotten defensive that she chastised him in public, but instead he responded gently. Mature friends and lovers stay connected to people even when they are angry with them, and because their focus is on the other person, they can tell when anger is really worry and find a loving spirit even when being attacked.
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A biological family is born out of hopefulness while a stepfamily is born out of loss.
That sounds strange and it’s not meant to be negative or condescending rather it’s an important observation. Every stepfamily has a loss narrative just below the surface that impacts and influences every aspect of the family. For a child whose parent died, for example, embracing a stepparent can feel like burying their parent again. Sadness impacts bonding. Understanding this helps you listen better, have more patience, and support those you care about. The more you know, the better you love.
September 12, 2019
Tragedy and hope—what a strange combination.
Sheri Ladley lost her husband, James, on September 11, 2001. Her two children lost their father. Their family lost their joy. The 9/11 attacks were tragic for all Americans, but for Sheri and her kids, it was deeply tragic. Since then our country has rebuilt some of what it has lost. Sheri’s family has, too. She remarried and had a daughter whose middle name is Hope. This year on 9/11 let’s remember the people we lost and the tragedy that changed everything. And let’s cling to the One who heals.
September 11, 2019
Is God offended by our pain?
If you’re like me, you get a little grumpy when you’re in pain. Does God withdraw during those moments? On the FamilyLife Blended podcast author Michele Cushatt and I talked about how God looks past even our big, ugly emotions and moves in closer. Here’s Michele: If you feel like you have messed up so much that God is far off, let me tell you, He is pushing in. Right now, He sees you, not a bunch of mistakes that have been made, but He sees you and He loves you far more than your performance.
September 10, 2019
A seed of truth, planted in your heart by the Holy Spirit, can grow beautiful things.
Sometimes stepchildren are more problematic to a stepparent than a biological parent, because they intuitively know the stepparent is able to handle it—it’s a backward compliment. One couple heard me say that and it immediately planted a seed of truth in the stepdad: he wasn’t being rejected, he was being admired. This freed him to love his stepson in spite of the outward attitude—and years later his stepson is thanking him. Never underestimate the power of obedience to a simple godly truth.
September 9, 2019
I’m such an outsider, how do I get in?
Whether it’s feeling like a social outcast in junior high or not fitting in at church, nobody likes to be an outsider. Stepparents start their blended family journey as outsiders. They have to find belonging and acceptance. Say you’re going to play softball, but the stepparent isn’t very athletic. They’re going to look foolish and feel like they don’t belong. Instead choose an activity they can do well with the kids. Shift the outsider in because they need to connect and build memories.
September 6, 2019
Have you ever felt like you married the wrong person? Well, I say, you did.
When people tell me they married the wrong person, I say we all married the wrong person. You really didn’t know what you needed when you chose who you chose. Now, assuming you want to become who you need to become to love who you chose, by God’s grace, you’ll discover you married the right person. They were the wrong person for who you were, but the right person for who you are becoming in Christ. You picked better than you knew—someone who could love someone like you.
September 5, 2019
Really? Jesus learned obedience?
When the writer of Hebrews 5 said Jesus “learned obedience through what he suffered,” he wasn’t suggesting Jesus was disobedient. He’s suggesting an obedient Jesus demonstrated a deeper understanding of the value of obedience through practicing it when he was tempted. Marriage and family relationships allow us the chance to practice obedience even when we’re tempted not to. We can choose to forgive when hurt and love even when taken for granted and in practicing obedience we mature in Christ.
September 4, 2019
Wouldn’t it be great if standing on the truth guaranteed being loved for it?
Jesus spoke the truth, lovingly. Some people followed, while others hated him—even killed him—for it. A friend lovingly stood up for truth and righteousness in her marriage and her husband left her. Then, to add insult to injury, her church leadership judged her for it. She could have ignored his hard, unrepentant heart and preserved the relationship at the cost of truth, but what kind of disciple does that? My point? Righteousness naturally sets boundaries that we should not be quick to judge.
September 3, 2019
What if your stepdaughter is “the other woman”?
Her social media post was clear. “We are divorcing because he’s more committed to his daughter than our marriage.” The other woman, so to speak, in this situation was a child. But the impact was the same as an affair. Typically when a parent favors their child over their spouse they are either overly responsible for their child’s emotional wellbeing, afraid to trust again, or both. If that’s you, love both your spouse and your child, but get your allegiance straight.
September 2, 2019
Yes, Ron, this marriage and family are much better than my first and I feel guilty about it.
It sounds odd but that’s what some divorced and remarried people feel. The church doesn’t help when we’re condescending. The message is, “You had a failed marriage so you’re a failure and you don’t deserve to be happy.” What? I thought there was no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I think we’re all relying on that one. Yes, sin is dark and has consequences in this life. But that doesn’t mean a repentant heart can’t rest in the warmth of God’s mercy and grace. Shame free.
August 30, 2019
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