You Married the Wrong Person
September 5, 2019
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Have you ever felt like you married the wrong person? Well, I say, you did.
When people tell me they married the wrong person, I say we all married the wrong person. You really didn’t know what you needed when you chose who you chose. Now, assuming you want to become who you need to become to love who you chose, by God’s grace, you’ll discover you married the right person. They were the wrong person for who you were, but the right person for who you are becoming in Christ. You picked better than you knew—someone who could love someone like you.
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Really? Jesus learned obedience?
When the writer of Hebrews 5 said Jesus “learned obedience through what he suffered,” he wasn’t suggesting Jesus was disobedient. He’s suggesting an obedient Jesus demonstrated a deeper understanding of the value of obedience through practicing it when he was tempted. Marriage and family relationships allow us the chance to practice obedience even when we’re tempted not to. We can choose to forgive when hurt and love even when taken for granted and in practicing obedience we mature in Christ.
September 4, 2019
Wouldn’t it be great if standing on the truth guaranteed being loved for it?
Jesus spoke the truth, lovingly. Some people followed, while others hated him—even killed him—for it. A friend lovingly stood up for truth and righteousness in her marriage and her husband left her. Then, to add insult to injury, her church leadership judged her for it. She could have ignored his hard, unrepentant heart and preserved the relationship at the cost of truth, but what kind of disciple does that? My point? Righteousness naturally sets boundaries that we should not be quick to judge.
September 3, 2019
What if your stepdaughter is “the other woman”?
Her social media post was clear. “We are divorcing because he’s more committed to his daughter than our marriage.” The other woman, so to speak, in this situation was a child. But the impact was the same as an affair. Typically when a parent favors their child over their spouse they are either overly responsible for their child’s emotional wellbeing, afraid to trust again, or both. If that’s you, love both your spouse and your child, but get your allegiance straight.
September 2, 2019
Yes, Ron, this marriage and family are much better than my first and I feel guilty about it.
It sounds odd but that’s what some divorced and remarried people feel. The church doesn’t help when we’re condescending. The message is, “You had a failed marriage so you’re a failure and you don’t deserve to be happy.” What? I thought there was no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I think we’re all relying on that one. Yes, sin is dark and has consequences in this life. But that doesn’t mean a repentant heart can’t rest in the warmth of God’s mercy and grace. Shame free.
August 30, 2019
Help me. My family is falling apart.
Kathy's 20 year-old and 16 year-old daughters didn’t get along with their stepfather and their dad didn’t have any relationship with them. “It’s just a mess,” she said. “But I still have faith God will work this out.” Kathy, I’m sorry things are difficult right now. There’s no easy fix so I’m not going to belittle your circumstances with simplistic advice. Keep investing in your marriage because it's the foundation that allows you to rebuild your home. And, keep praying and don’t give up.
August 29, 2019
Wise stepparents honor their stepchildren’s past.
When Victoria married a widower with four kids she applied this advice and it paid off. When they moved her furniture into his house she noticed how “uprooted” the kids felt, so she made changes cautiously. First, the kitchen but their mother’s items were distributed or saved for each child. Then she waited five years to re-do the living room. And now, after seven years, for Christmas she gifted each child with a photo of their family of origin and the current stepfamily. Now, that’s wisdom.
August 28, 2019
They just don’t get it, Ron. Stepfamilies are not the same.
That comment came from a couple who had been to two pastors and multiple counselors for help with their marriage and blended family, but no one could help because they didn’t understand the differences in stepfamilies. So, I’m going to contrast how biological families and stepfamilies are different and the same. Why do that? Because if you’re a ministry leader, your program needs to adapt. And if you’re a stepparent or a future stepparent, you need to know how to approach your role differently.
August 27, 2019
A pre-nup. You want us to do a pre-nup?
No, actually I don’t. Financial planners often encourage pre-stepfamily couples to get a “prenuptial agreement,” but that just sounds like you’re planning for a divorce. There’s a much better way. A Togetherness Agreement helps blended family couples manage their daily expenses, discuss insurance and retirement, and do estate planning for their children and each other. It builds confidence in how to manage money in your complex family. Don’t let money issues divide you; finance togetherness.
August 26, 2019
Is your family playing the game of Lock Out?
As a kid, I played a game called Lock Out. We would form a circle with linked arms and someone on the outside would try to get into the circle. The more the outsider pushed, the more the circle banded together. Sometimes stepfamilies play this game, too. An outsider stepparent or stepsibling is trying to break into the circle of insiders and find acceptance. The secret to getting inside is to not push. Instead, talk, interact, and get to know them. Eventually they will relax and let you in.
August 23, 2019
Do you want to start a fight in a stepfamily with adult kids? Just start talking about money.
Money matters really tap into the best and worst of us. In stepfamilies, sometimes it reveals differing emotional connections and loyalty issues. We hear from stepparents who feel pushed out when their adult stepchild asks their parent to add their name to the checking account or life insurance; and from those who discover their spouse has loaned money to an adult child without their knowledge. Hey, there’s no room for secrets or emotional games in blended families especially between spouses.
August 22, 2019
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