Loving Differently
July 6, 2018
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I really respected Mike’s honesty. He said, “I just didn’t realize how hard it would be to love my stepdaughter the same as my two kids.”
Stepparents like Mike who catch themselves having to work at their affection for their stepchildren, feel really guilty about it. Actually what I think they notice is the difference between the deep natural affection parents feel toward their biological children and the choosing type of love that grows over time toward adopted kids and stepchildren. Listen, both are love. One may start on the inside and the other on the outside, but both communicate value and worth to a child.
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You prepare to drive a car, right? So why not prepare to be a family?
You’ve heard me say that a healthy stepfamily is s redemptive organism of God’s grace, but that a fractured stepfamily just adds salt to the wounds. So why is it that most pre-stepfamily couples don’t prepare for life after the wedding? About two-thirds don’t discuss parenting and others don’t prepare the kids for the transition. Preparation is key to starting out right. Visit us online and download our free First Year Survival Guide. Learn what it takes to have a good blend.
July 5, 2018
We are dissolving our political bonds; we are now thirteen United States of America.
That’s what Thomas Jefferson declared on July 4th, 1776. “We,” he said, “…declare that these United Colonies are…Free and Independent States; they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown…” And with that, ties were cut and a country was born. As you celebrate our country’s birthday with those you love share a hot-dog toast to the committed men and women of the U.S. military. Let’s remember, “In God we trust” is how it all started; it’s up to us to keep it there.
July 4, 2018
Hey, sounds like family to me.
“My stepdaughter of 30 years hurt my feelings again. It was minor, but I thought, ‘When is this ever going to change?' I know no family is perfect, but I still think this will get better. It just doesn’t feel like we’re family.” I know it's frustrating that it’s not your definition of what family should be, but it’s family. If it helps, I hear a lot of biological moms feel the same way—“My kids don’t need me anymore.” “My son never calls.” I think maybe you’re more “family” than you realize.
July 3, 2018
Do you always give your best?
Have you ever given someone second best, because you were pressured to do something nice for them? Well, not Jesus. In John 2 in the Bible, we find him at a wedding. When the wine runs out his mom wants him to make more. She knows he can, and she persists. So, he turns water into wine. Good wine! In those situations, I’m tempted to give second best and do it begrudgingly. But not Jesus. He gives the best. Let’s be like this because when grace gives its best, others notice—and they drink it in.
July 2, 2018
Have you ever started into a project and discovered that it was harder than you anticipated? Well, sometimes, relationships are just like that.
Danny had no idea how hard it would be to love his wife. “She has so many emotional scars from her past. We’ve been together for nine years and I’m still trying to find a way around her insecurities.” Maybe you felt frustrated trying to love someone and not knowing how to help heal their scars. I certainly don’t think it’s a one-size-fits-all solution for things like this, but I do think a stubborn grace and steadfast love are two of the things that seem to help a lot.
June 29, 2018
I’m not sure why, but when family life changes, sometimes, the church doesn’t.
Often a company goes out of business because it didn't adapt to change. Well, I fear many churches have not adapted to how families have changed. For the first time in American history, less than half of teens in the U.S. live with their married biological parents and half of all kids will have a stepparent at some point in their life. Yet, rarely do churches have a single parent ministry or a blended family ministry. To lead people to where they need to be, you have to meet them where they are.
June 28, 2018
Where there’s a taker, there’s a giver.
Many parent educators are worried that a sense of entitlement is pandemic in children today. Let’s just recognize there are two sides to this: Takers need givers. Proverbs 30:15 says the leech is never satisfied, it says “Give, Give.” You have to set limits. They won’t. So, fight the pressure to give your kids what everybody else seems to have and don’t let your insecurity or guilt over your family situation get the best of you. Instead, give your kids the gift of “That’s enough. Do without.”
June 27, 2018
Do you ever try to look all put together in church?
On a public forum, Diane offered her thoughts on sin and feeling ashamed at church. She said, “It’s risky to be vulnerable. We try not to open old wounds and bleed in public. We try to look whole in church.” I can relate to that. Nobody likes to bleed in front of others and face their judgment. But in my experience when we reveal our wounds, we discover everyone else has some, too. And the next thing you know, the power of the gospel and the community of God is healing the wounds and shame.
June 26, 2018
Success can be a bad thing.
In Genesis 40, Joseph, with God’s help, interprets the dreams of the chief cupbearer and baker. In chapter 41 Pharaoh asks Joseph to interpret his dream and he says, “I have heard…you can…” Joseph replies, “It is not in me…but God can…” Joseph didn’t let success go to his head. He stayed dependent on God. Self-confidence is highly prized in our culture but unrestrained confidence leads to self-importance, boasting, and acting independent of God. No, stay humble and reliant on the One who can.
June 25, 2018
Have you ever had someone treat your child unfairly? Did the hair on the back of your neck stand up like it did on mine?
Mistreat a child and you’ll awaken a parent’s protectiveness. But what if it’s coming from your spouse? Jennifer wrote to me saying her husband uses harsher discipline on her kids than he is on his. Plus her kids have to do chores that his don’t. Stepparents, strive to be equitable in your home. How you spend your time, money, and energy will take into consideration the age and maturity of each child, but there should be an equal playing field. Be even handed with liberty and justice for all.
June 22, 2018
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