Half of Kids
June 28, 2018
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I’m not sure why, but when family life changes, sometimes, the church doesn’t.
Often a company goes out of business because it didn't adapt to change. Well, I fear many churches have not adapted to how families have changed. For the first time in American history, less than half of teens in the U.S. live with their married biological parents and half of all kids will have a stepparent at some point in their life. Yet, rarely do churches have a single parent ministry or a blended family ministry. To lead people to where they need to be, you have to meet them where they are.
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Where there’s a taker, there’s a giver.
Many parent educators are worried that a sense of entitlement is pandemic in children today. Let’s just recognize there are two sides to this: Takers need givers. Proverbs 30:15 says the leech is never satisfied, it says “Give, Give.” You have to set limits. They won’t. So, fight the pressure to give your kids what everybody else seems to have and don’t let your insecurity or guilt over your family situation get the best of you. Instead, give your kids the gift of “That’s enough. Do without.”
June 27, 2018
Do you ever try to look all put together in church?
On a public forum, Diane offered her thoughts on sin and feeling ashamed at church. She said, “It’s risky to be vulnerable. We try not to open old wounds and bleed in public. We try to look whole in church.” I can relate to that. Nobody likes to bleed in front of others and face their judgment. But in my experience when we reveal our wounds, we discover everyone else has some, too. And the next thing you know, the power of the gospel and the community of God is healing the wounds and shame.
June 26, 2018
Success can be a bad thing.
In Genesis 40, Joseph, with God’s help, interprets the dreams of the chief cupbearer and baker. In chapter 41 Pharaoh asks Joseph to interpret his dream and he says, “I have heard…you can…” Joseph replies, “It is not in me…but God can…” Joseph didn’t let success go to his head. He stayed dependent on God. Self-confidence is highly prized in our culture but unrestrained confidence leads to self-importance, boasting, and acting independent of God. No, stay humble and reliant on the One who can.
June 25, 2018
Have you ever had someone treat your child unfairly? Did the hair on the back of your neck stand up like it did on mine?
Mistreat a child and you’ll awaken a parent’s protectiveness. But what if it’s coming from your spouse? Jennifer wrote to me saying her husband uses harsher discipline on her kids than he is on his. Plus her kids have to do chores that his don’t. Stepparents, strive to be equitable in your home. How you spend your time, money, and energy will take into consideration the age and maturity of each child, but there should be an equal playing field. Be even handed with liberty and justice for all.
June 22, 2018
Becoming a stepfamily is in part about welcoming new family members. But it’s also about keeping the old.
A stepparent can be a wonderful asset to a child’s life but they can never replace a parent. Tragically, 40 percent of teenagers with divorced parents have not seen their biological father in five years. How do you suppose a child makes sense of that? What insecurities does that create in their heart? If you’re a mom or dad who’s disconnected from your child could I ask you to reconnect. I realize it’s complicated, but only you can fill what’s missing in your child’s heart. Hey, they need you.
June 21, 2018
“Are you part of the main family or just sort of stuck on the side?”
A kid innocently asked his friend’s stepmom that question. Maybe you can relate. Are you just sort of stuck on the side if you’re family by marriage, by half siblings, or distant cousins twice removed? Hey, family can get complicated. Well, at church if Jesus is your Lord, then you’re not stuck on the side. You’re part of the family of God. And in life, if you’re family stuck on the side, you’re still family as long as I treat you that way.
June 20, 2018
Okay, whatever you do, don’t look now.
When you want to alert someone to something without making it obvious, you say, “Don’t look now,” as in “Don’t look now, but we’re being followed.” As Christians, I say let’s commandeer this phrase to help keep our minds focused on what is best. “Don’t look now, but you’re talking to your spouse and a very attractive person is walking by.” Don’t stare at that person’s body parts or clothes or house or stuff…it will make you discontent. Discipline your eyes. Protect your mind. Focus your heart.
June 19, 2018
Yes, age definitely makes a difference.
If you’re like me, the older I get the slower I get. Age affects other things, too. Like when it comes to bonding with adopted, foster, or stepchildren—their age matters. In general, the younger a child is, the faster you bond with them. Teens are seeking autonomy and independence so they’re not as invested in new relationships as their parents are. Bonding can be slow going, so loosen your expectations. Recognize that age influences a child’s openness so meet the child where they are.
June 18, 2018
What Father’s Day gift do you give the man who stepped in when your dad stepped out?
I love it. Year after year around Father’s Day I hear stories of stepdads who stepped in and stepped up. My biological father used his feet to run away. My stepdad planted his two feet firmly in my life. Or…I know you didn’t’ have all the answers and worried about your daughter and I not getting along, but still you gave us your all. So, what do you give the stepdad/bonus dad/double-dad in your life for stepping in? A great big hug. Happy Father’s Day!
June 15, 2018
Sometimes, we parents have to give up what we really, really want in order to give our children what they really, really need.
I heard about a blended family couple applying for a job with a non-profit ministry. They were highly qualified and eager to serve the Lord. But there was one complication. Taking the job would mean moving far away for his ex-wife and his nine-year-old son. To their credit, the couple decided not to make the move. Were they giving up a good opportunity? Sure. But the best ministry they could be involved in was remaining close to his son so he could raise him to be a man.
June 14, 2018
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