Don't Look Now
June 19, 2018
00:00
Okay, whatever you do, don’t look now.
When you want to alert someone to something without making it obvious, you say, “Don’t look now,” as in “Don’t look now, but we’re being followed.” As Christians, I say let’s commandeer this phrase to help keep our minds focused on what is best. “Don’t look now, but you’re talking to your spouse and a very attractive person is walking by.” Don’t stare at that person’s body parts or clothes or house or stuff…it will make you discontent. Discipline your eyes. Protect your mind. Focus your heart.
Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
Archives
Yes, age definitely makes a difference.
If you’re like me, the older I get the slower I get. Age affects other things, too. Like when it comes to bonding with adopted, foster, or stepchildren—their age matters. In general, the younger a child is, the faster you bond with them. Teens are seeking autonomy and independence so they’re not as invested in new relationships as their parents are. Bonding can be slow going, so loosen your expectations. Recognize that age influences a child’s openness so meet the child where they are.
June 18, 2018
What Father’s Day gift do you give the man who stepped in when your dad stepped out?
I love it. Year after year around Father’s Day I hear stories of stepdads who stepped in and stepped up. My biological father used his feet to run away. My stepdad planted his two feet firmly in my life. Or…I know you didn’t’ have all the answers and worried about your daughter and I not getting along, but still you gave us your all. So, what do you give the stepdad/bonus dad/double-dad in your life for stepping in? A great big hug. Happy Father’s Day!
June 15, 2018
Sometimes, we parents have to give up what we really, really want in order to give our children what they really, really need.
I heard about a blended family couple applying for a job with a non-profit ministry. They were highly qualified and eager to serve the Lord. But there was one complication. Taking the job would mean moving far away for his ex-wife and his nine-year-old son. To their credit, the couple decided not to make the move. Were they giving up a good opportunity? Sure. But the best ministry they could be involved in was remaining close to his son so he could raise him to be a man.
June 14, 2018
Man, sometimes you don’t know if you’re coming or going.
Teenagers and young adults are trying to grow up. Like David using a sling to kill Goliath, centrifugal force is launching them into independence. But sometimes parents activate centripetal force that says, “Go to college but not far away." "Become responsible, but still need me.” Which is it? This happens in blended families when the kids are launching, but the new family is blending. Two opposing forces. The answer? For both parents and teens it’s somewhere between holding on and letting go.
June 13, 2018
Drowning in a sea of emotions? You’re not the only one.
In my book The Smart Stepdad I tell Josie’s story. “On our wedding day,” she said, “We left the chapel and there were five of us in the car…instant family. For some strange reason I didn’t see that coming. Silly me.” For months, Josie had anxiety and wrestled with what she called a sea of emotions. This really is a pretty common experience. Find the right answers to blended family questions. The emotions will come and go, but learning how to swim is what will keep your head above water.
June 12, 2018
When you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, don’t move away—move toward.
You care for someone, but you don’t care for their behavior. The old adage “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” has application here. Influence comes with relationship, so move toward them however you can so that your heart and love for them will soften their heart toward what you’re saying. Avoid frequent confrontation; that will only push them away. Look, you’re not tolerating their poor choices; you’re trusting that closeness has more redemptive influence than distant judgment.
June 11, 2018
The Bible in Romans 12 says, “…as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Well, that’s fine when circumstances allow, but when a friend or family member walks away—it’s not up to you. So, what do you do?
I think there’s a delicate balance between chasing after someone you love and giving them space to turn around; hounding them can just push them away. I’ve worked with a lot of heart-broken parents who don’t know what to do because one of their kids won’t come for visitation. No matter how frustrated you are stay determined to reconcile and close enough to be found when your child turns around. And because waiting is hard, you need lots of prayer. As far as it depends on you, live at peace.
June 8, 2018
“Okay, Ron, just where do I fit in this picture?”
A friend of mine is a stepdad and he said, “Ron, I want to be the one who teaches my stepson how to shave and who walks Emily down the aisle on her wedding day, but I think their dad ought to do that. So, what is my role?” Being the Bonus Mom or Dad sometimes means you don’t get the first seat at the table, but it does mean that as an added parent-figure in the life of a child, everything you do offer is bonus! A bonus hug, a bonus word of encouragement, a bonus godly influence and bonus love.
June 7, 2018
What’s a wedding, without a honeymoon!
Did you ever notice blended family couples don’t get a honeymoon? They get a few days together after the wedding but they don’t get time together before kids come along. Deuteronomy 24 affirms that couples need time to bond and establish their home. But stepfamily couples don’t get that. Instant family means instant responsibilities. They negotiate romance and partnership at the same time. It is what it is. Work at this. Be intentional. It’s harder to solidify your marriage but you can do this.
June 6, 2018
“Ron, my family is living proof that dysfunction breeds dysfunction.”
Julie was the youngest of 10 children in a blended family. Nine of the 10 kids had been divorced and remarried. Over the years, her family experienced hurt feelings, abuse, kids getting kicked out of the home—all while she felt powerless to change it. But Julie found the Lord and a church home, and through our ministry discovered how her stepfamily can break the generational pattern of divorce. She learned that hurting families “really is an epidemic,” but your family can break the cycle.
June 5, 2018
See More Episodes
Loading...
P
S
Listen to FamilyLife Blended® on
Amazon Echo
Learn How
Learn How
Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.