With well over half of couples today living together before marriage there must be some really good benefits to doing so, right?
Research tells us that cohabiting couples are less likely to support one another financially, are less sexually committed and trustworthy and have more negative attitudes about marriage. If they later marry they’re more likely to divorce. They also have higher levels of domestic and child abuse. It sounds like God’s desire that you put a ring on it before you move in really is in your best interest and your child’s. I guess the only question is who do you trust more? Him or yourself?
January 9, 2019
What if we parented according to the beatitudes?
In Luke 6 Jesus offers a blessing on the poor, hungry, sad, and persecuted, but a caution to those who are rich, well fed, comfortable, and popular. Now, our job as parents is to provide for our kids. But to what degree? Many of us brag because we make our kids rich with material things…overly fed and popular wearing the latest styles. Think about it. What are we doing to our kids? Caution parents. Maybe we should keep their hearts humble, hungry for more than what this life offers.
January 8, 2019
We parents are not as in tune as we think.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in over 30 years of family ministry and being a parent myself since 1994, it’s that parents aren’t as in tune with their kids as they think. I’ve learned things about my kids I had no idea was going on inside them for years. I’ve known parents who thought their kids were fine until it was obvious they were being bullied or had a hidden addiction or had been devastated by family problems. Talk with your kids. Listen with fresh ears to what’s beneath their words.
January 7, 2019
Do you have a mindset for scarcity or abundance?
When it comes to giving, we can develop a scarcity mindset and forget that God provides for all our needs. Sometimes co-parents do the same thing. They have a scarcity mindset about time with their kids and fear they'll lose their affections. No, have an abundance mindset. Be flexible with schedules and know that a child has more than enough love and loyalty for you and every new member of their blended family. Scarcity means you’re scared. An abundance mindset brings an abundance of blessing.
January 4, 2019
We’ve all heard Romans 5:8; “while we were still sinners Christ died for us.”
We all need reconciliation to God but it is odd that we sometimes draw distinctions. I’ve actually heard some Christians in biological families talk down to singles, single parents, and stepfamilies as if their biological family somehow makes them more worthy of Christ’s loving sacrifice. Really? You think there are first-class Christians and second-class Christians? Listen; there are only sinners who need a Savior. So let’s all hold our heads up for if we are in Christ we are all forgiven.
January 3, 2019
Never ask your child to become a spy kid.
When my kids were young they enjoyed the movie, “Spy Kids.” Now if you have children living between two homes don’t ask your child to be a spy for you. Questions like, “is your dad still dating that woman,” or “how can she afford to give that to you?” put your child into a loyalty bind that makes them feel guilty for loving people. It hurts your child. So instead, give your kids your permission for them to love others. It won’t take anything away from you but it’s a huge blessing to them.
January 2, 2019
What you mean start one ourselves? Can we do that?
All over the world, couples are starting marriage education groups and churches are hosting events to help marriages. Roger said, “My wife and I started a small group for stepfamily couples in our home. It’s working! Everybody loves the fellowship and lives are being changed.” One ordinary couple plus a practical resource can equal changed lives for the glory of God. If you’ve ever benefitted from somebody sharing an encouraging word maybe it’s time you encouraged somebody else. You can do this.
January 1, 2019
How do you fill a hole in a child’s heart?
The stats on fatherlessness and disengaged dads are heart-breaking and far reaching into the fabric of society. I often hear from the moms, stepdads, grandparents, and ministry leaders who care for these kids. They ask, “How do you help an abandoned child?” While you can’t fill every gap, what you can do and what’s most powerful to do is to love them. Show up. Mentor. Play the role of coach or cheerleader. Kids are blessed to have someone love them over time and don’t forget to cry with them.
December 31, 2018
So what’s your level of love?
French abbot Bernard of Clairvaux said there are four levels of love. First, the lowest level is to love myself solely. (That’s not love. That’s being self-absorbed.) Second, to love you for my sake. (That’s using people.) Third, to love you for your sake. (That’s more like it. Selflessness.) But the highest level of love, he said, is to love myself for your sake. Didn’t Jesus say to love your neighbor as yourself? Knowing you’re valuable so you can give yourself away sounds like Jesus to me.
December 28, 2018
When someone you care about becomes unavailable to you, what do you do?
Most of us find a way to voice our hurt. We get angry or critical or pursue more attention. When a stepfamily forms kids often lose connection with their parent who is understandably invested in a new marriage. So, parents, maintain touch points with little rituals that communicate love and closeness like a special look or phrase you share. Or a bedtime story or activity that keeps you connected. When you can’t be together physically make use of technology—video chat, texting, or a phone call.
December 27, 2018