In Tune With Your Kids
January 7, 2019
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We parents are not as in tune as we think.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in over 30 years of family ministry and being a parent myself since 1994, it’s that parents aren’t as in tune with their kids as they think. I’ve learned things about my kids I had no idea was going on inside them for years. I’ve known parents who thought their kids were fine until it was obvious they were being bullied or had a hidden addiction or had been devastated by family problems. Talk with your kids. Listen with fresh ears to what’s beneath their words.
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Do you have a mindset for scarcity or abundance?
When it comes to giving, we can develop a scarcity mindset and forget that God provides for all our needs. Sometimes co-parents do the same thing. They have a scarcity mindset about time with their kids and fear they'll lose their affections. No, have an abundance mindset. Be flexible with schedules and know that a child has more than enough love and loyalty for you and every new member of their blended family. Scarcity means you’re scared. An abundance mindset brings an abundance of blessing.
January 4, 2019
We’ve all heard Romans 5:8; “while we were still sinners Christ died for us.”
We all need reconciliation to God but it is odd that we sometimes draw distinctions. I’ve actually heard some Christians in biological families talk down to singles, single parents, and stepfamilies as if their biological family somehow makes them more worthy of Christ’s loving sacrifice. Really? You think there are first-class Christians and second-class Christians? Listen; there are only sinners who need a Savior. So let’s all hold our heads up for if we are in Christ we are all forgiven.
January 3, 2019
Never ask your child to become a spy kid.
When my kids were young they enjoyed the movie, “Spy Kids.” Now if you have children living between two homes don’t ask your child to be a spy for you. Questions like, “is your dad still dating that woman,” or “how can she afford to give that to you?” put your child into a loyalty bind that makes them feel guilty for loving people. It hurts your child. So instead, give your kids your permission for them to love others. It won’t take anything away from you but it’s a huge blessing to them.
January 2, 2019
What you mean start one ourselves? Can we do that?
All over the world, couples are starting marriage education groups and churches are hosting events to help marriages. Roger said, “My wife and I started a small group for stepfamily couples in our home. It’s working! Everybody loves the fellowship and lives are being changed.” One ordinary couple plus a practical resource can equal changed lives for the glory of God. If you’ve ever benefitted from somebody sharing an encouraging word maybe it’s time you encouraged somebody else. You can do this.
January 1, 2019
How do you fill a hole in a child’s heart?
The stats on fatherlessness and disengaged dads are heart-breaking and far reaching into the fabric of society. I often hear from the moms, stepdads, grandparents, and ministry leaders who care for these kids. They ask, “How do you help an abandoned child?” While you can’t fill every gap, what you can do and what’s most powerful to do is to love them. Show up. Mentor. Play the role of coach or cheerleader. Kids are blessed to have someone love them over time and don’t forget to cry with them.
December 31, 2018
So what’s your level of love?
French abbot Bernard of Clairvaux said there are four levels of love. First, the lowest level is to love myself solely. (That’s not love. That’s being self-absorbed.) Second, to love you for my sake. (That’s using people.) Third, to love you for your sake. (That’s more like it. Selflessness.) But the highest level of love, he said, is to love myself for your sake. Didn’t Jesus say to love your neighbor as yourself? Knowing you’re valuable so you can give yourself away sounds like Jesus to me.
December 28, 2018
When someone you care about becomes unavailable to you, what do you do?
Most of us find a way to voice our hurt. We get angry or critical or pursue more attention. When a stepfamily forms kids often lose connection with their parent who is understandably invested in a new marriage. So, parents, maintain touch points with little rituals that communicate love and closeness like a special look or phrase you share. Or a bedtime story or activity that keeps you connected. When you can’t be together physically make use of technology—video chat, texting, or a phone call.
December 27, 2018
I need help, Ron. I’ve got a sassy teenager.
Maria is a new stepmom with a 15-year-old stepson who she described as sassy and disrespectful. Maria, you’re not alone. Any parent with a teenager—even a biological parent—recognizes these attitudes. It’s part of the territory. Not knowing your role and having a distant relationship with him doesn’t help either. So, lower your expectations. When you stepson is disrespectful let your husband take the lead. And even though your stepson acts like you’re invisible, don’t disappear. Stay engaged.
December 26, 2018
Ahhh. Can you feel that? It’s the magic of Christmas!
It’s not like there’s extra grace or Holy Spirit power floating around on this day. And yet, it does seem that believers and nonbelievers alike are more selfless. Maybe it’s the giving nature of the season that softens our hearts. All family relationships get strained occasionally. Maybe this magical season is your opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness and restore a relationship. A long time ago that’s just what a little baby born in a manger did and we’re still celebrating!
December 25, 2018
Oh, sure. Everyone knows the Golden Rule.
No, the Golden Rule is NOT “do unto others before they can do it to you.” That’s the sibling black-and-blue rule. The Golden Rule, as stated by Jesus in Luke 6 is “Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you.” But what about the other rules just before this verse? Jesus says to give to those in need, turn the other cheek when mistreated, bless those who curse you, and love your enemies. Those not-so-golden rules don’t guarantee me much of anything. Except to be like Jesus.
December 24, 2018
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