Telling the Truth for Women

Jill Briscoe: The last time I spoke to you, I was talking about Esther. What happens when it's dark in our lives and how do we find God in the dark when we don't seem to see Him? I tried to draw some parallels with our own lives in the sense that when we are really in the dark, it doesn't mean just because we can't see, He's not there. Like the little boy in the bedroom who was frightened to go to sleep without the light on, but whose father was sleeping in the same room. The little boy said, "Daddy, it's so dark and I'm frightened." And the father said, "But my face is turned towards you, my son. Go to sleep."

Sometimes God hides His face, but it doesn't mean He's absent. He hides Himself but never absences Himself. God is always there. Today I want to take another character in the Bible that's probably more familiar to you than Esther, perhaps, and that is Moses. I want to talk about what it's like to be in the dry places. Have you ever been in a spiritually dry place? Maybe not just spiritually dry. Have you ever dried up in your relationships, your marriage, your relationship with your children, your job, whatever? But have you ever entered a dry place spiritually and really settled down because there never seems any way out?

A desert of despondency where God is concerned, where spiritual things are concerned. We're going to talk a little bit about that today because Moses spent 40 years in one of those places and lived with 40 years of regrets. Have you ever lived with regrets? Have you ever lived in the dry place of "if only," "why didn't I," "I should have," or "if they had"? Have you ever lived there? That's a desert. And it can paralyze us. A dead past flows into a living present and can paralyze us for a useful future if we allow it to.

Moses is a great example of that. Let me start as I did last time with a brief summary of the history of the world up to Moses. Creation, Eden, pre-apple. Everything in the garden's lovely, except there was a snake in the garden, which they knew not. Fall, post-apple. Enoch, Noah. "Let's begin all over again," says God. That sad verse in Genesis chapter 6, when God looked down and saw that all our imaginations and thoughts were only evil all the time. He was sorry that He'd made us. This was His world and He was sorry He had made us.

However, God so loved the world. He didn't like it. He loved it. There's a big difference. If He'd liked it, He would have left it just as it was. But He loved it. He wanted the best for the beloved, whatever the cost to Himself. And so He sent His son. He said, "That's my world and I want it back. I'll come and get it," which He did. This is God's world, you have to understand. The broken world that broke God's heart, that killed God's son, that grieves God's spirit. But He came anyway. And when the Father said, "Who will go for us?" Jesus said, "I will. Here am I, send me."

Well, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, sold by brothers into slavery in Egypt. The God was in the shadows, and we talked about this last time. God is always in the shadows. He's in the details. He's in the circumstances. And He's weaving this tapestry. What is this tapestry? It's the plan of God. What is the plan of God? That the earth shall be filled with the glory of God as the waters cover the sea. That's the plan of God. This is His world, this is His universe. The whole creation is groaning until the day of our redemption.

And so His plan is to redeem it, to buy it back. That work is done. It was done on the cross. Now the rest of the plan is coming to fulfillment. The rest of the plan. But we are in the beginnings. We're in the five books of Moses. Moses wrote these five books. And he was the historian, remember? He was the writer. He was the record keeper. And so we're right at the beginning of time here. And thank God for Noah. He found grace, and the human race was allowed to begin again. And God again promised. God's always promising. He put a rainbow in the sky. Every time you see a rainbow, say, "That's God's promise."

That's God's promise. What? That one day the earth will be filled with the glory of God as the waters cover the sea. And so we come to Joseph, who dies. They put his bones in a coffin in Egypt, it says in Genesis chapter 50, just before we come into Exodus. The Exodus, the going out of the people of Israel. And there arose another man who knew not Joseph. There arose another man who knew not Joseph or the things that he had done, the scriptures say. So this Pharaoh looks around and he says, "Who are all these people? And they're having kids and kids and kids, and they're spreading over here and they're gobbling up all the land over there. Who are they?"

And they said, "Well, they're the children of Israel. It's Israel." "Well, who's Israel? I don't know anything about Israel. I don't want to know anything about Israel. All I know is if somebody comes and fights us, they're going to turn against us and then they're going to leave. We can't have that happening." And so the new Pharaoh, who knew not Joseph or what Joseph had done, put them into slavery. And at this point, Moses is born. Now, I think I beat the drum last time on this thing about timing. God is the God of timing. God's clocks keep perfect time.

All the people in every story in the Bible are born just at the right time. Now, if you were Esther, you might question that. If you were Moses, you might question that. If you were Miriam and Aaron and their parents, you might question that. Have you ever had a time in your life when something terrible has happened and you think, "This is the worst time"? Every person in this story could have said that. Imagine being born a baby boy, if you were Moses, at that time when everybody was being thrown into the Nile as food for the crocodiles. What lousy timing.

If the baby could have spoken, "Why couldn't I have been born when my sister Miriam and my brother Aaron were born, pre-this Pharaoh that came to the throne? Why couldn't I have been born before we even got into Egypt? Back in the old days when God was speaking to Abraham and all these wonderful things were happening? Why me? Why now?" What we have to realize is it's absolutely the wrong time humanly speaking, but it's the right time divinely speaking. It's His timing, His plan. It's not what's best for us and my plan and my dreams. No, it's God's plan.

All things work together for good? No, for the good. What's "the good" in Romans chapter 8 in those verses? The good is the ultimate good, the plan. And all things are working together for good. And God is using history, allowing, permitting history to happen, and then He is intervening in it and using it for His ends and His plan. And Moses was just the right age in the womb to be born at just the right time, even though his destiny was to be fed to the crocodiles. Well, that was man's plan, remember, not God's.

Maybe it was the only way that God could get Moses trained. Maybe it was the only way He could somehow take a slave boy who was going all his life to do nothing but make bricks out of mud and build cities for Pharaoh. Maybe it was the way He was going to get him somehow into the palace. Maybe. And that's what happened, wasn't it? Think of Miriam standing there. Her mother said, "You have to stand watch what happens." She was 12 or 13. Here's this teenager. What's she saying? "Your timing is horrible, Lord. And that I would be old enough to stand here and watch what's going to happen to my little brother. How can I do this?"

But she was just the right age, standing in just the right place. And the princess came at just the right time for a babe, just the right time to just the right spot. The baby was crying. One of her maids went in and pulled the baby out. The princess's heart was touched because the Bible says he was no ordinary child. It means he was gorgeous, a beautiful, beautiful baby by now three months old, touched by God Himself. And it touched her heart. And here's this quick-thinking, brave, courageous sister who casually comes out and says, "Would you like me to go and find somebody to feed the baby?"

"Yes," says the princess. "Yes. I know just the right person, just the right person." And God used Miriam, the sister of Moses, to run as fast as she could. Can you imagine? "Mommy, Mommy, come, come, come!" "Where are we going? Where are we going?" "To the princess." "Take this child and nurse it for me, and I will give you your wages." I love that bit. "I will give you your wages." God, You are so wonderful, so clever. And so her child was put back in her arms, and Jochebed went home and raised Moses for the first three years of his life.

There are many old records that suggest or say that during Moses' upbringing, the princess allowed him to go back and visit his foster mother. She had no idea, I'm sure, she was the real mother. And so his parental training began. Even those three years are absolutely vital. And he began to realize, "Who am I? I am not an Egyptian. I'm an Israelite. I'm part of the people of God. I'm part of the big plan." And he began to find out who he was in that first 40 years. Moses' life is split into 40s. 40, 40, 40.

40 years in the palace, 40 years in the wilderness, 40 years delivering the children of Israel. And that's nicely split up. So by now he's 80 when we're going to join him in a moment. When I think about God's economy and timing, I am awed. You have to realize it's not going to be good for us, but it's always good for Him. And if you can even reach out in the moment of your deserts and your darkness and all of that and say, "Lord, I feel like Moses in the bulrushes with the crocodiles. I feel like Miriam watching this horrible thing happening to my family. I feel like Esther shut up to that monster for the rest of my life in the marriage chamber. But God is working in the circumstances and Your plan is being worked out, and I'm part of it."

That's the whole theme of this thing with Moses. God invites us to be part of it. However dark, however dry, however horrible things are. And so Moses is born and he grows up. Now, there are three places you can read about Moses in the Bible. Obviously Exodus. Well, you can read the whole five books of Moses and you'll learn a lot about Moses here and there. But also in Hebrews chapter 11, in the chapter of heroes, you can read about Moses. And also in Acts chapter 7, very interesting, where Stephen is about to be stoned to death. He preaches a fabulous sermon to the people that are just going to kill him, to the Pharisees, the Jews.

And it's all about Moses. You ought to read it. So we have got this huge narrative to learn about this man. We also have the Heroes chapter where we can learn a bit about his time in the palace, which is fascinating, but also you have Acts chapter 7. And I would submit to you that it would be nice for your family to read all those together and discuss this at some point. So here we are, Hebrews chapter 11. And it says in Hebrews chapter 11 that when Moses grew up, by faith, when he had grown up, he refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter.

He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. I think it says "pleasures of sin for a season" in the old King James Bible. The devil always tells us that pleasures of sin go on forever. Don't you believe him. It's usually just for a short time. The season runs out and all you're left with is a desert. But rather than enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time, he regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger, and he persevered because he saw Him who is invisible.

Now, in another translation, modern translation, it says this: "He was looking ahead to his payoff. By an act of faith, he turned his heel on Egypt in defiance of the king's blind rage. He had his eye on the One no one can see, and he just kept on going." Wow. He had his eye on the One no one can see. Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it? Well, this is the faith chapter. Faith is believing what you do not see and what you have not heard, right? The whole chapter starts off with this. He's talking about faith sight.

We don't only have eyesight; we have faith sight if we belong to God, if we have been born again, if Christ by His Spirit lives in our heart. We have faith sight, and that faith sight is to keep our eye on the One no one can see. This is the invisible stuff. We live in the visibles, but we also live in the invisibles. Paul says there's a mighty array of forces that we cannot see, good and bad. God often manifests Himself physically. And He did in the story of Moses many times in the cloud and in the pillar and different ways.

But often He doesn't manifest Himself visible. So the invisible qualities of God are clearly seen in the creation He's made, but He doesn't always come along in a pillar of fire and a cloud. Wouldn't it be nice if He did? So when He doesn't, what are we supposed to do? We keep our eye, our faith eye, open on the One that we cannot see. Even though there seems to be all evidence to the contrary He is even here. Faith gives us the ability to say, "Though I see You not, I will believe." What did Jesus say to Thomas?

"Because you've seen, you believe. Oh, but blessed, blessed are those who haven't seen but do see, but believe." And it is possible to see God in the darkness. It is possible to see God when everything is saying, "He is not here," through faith. You have to say, "I will believe. I will believe." And it's incredible when you will believe and it's incredible where you begin to see Him. You see Him in the details, you see Him in the circumstances, you see Him in the tapestry of life. So he had his eye on the One no one can see and kept right on going.

And everything was going great. So he'd had this palace training and he'd had this parental information that he was indeed an Israelite of the Israelites and God, he must have had this conversation with his parents: "Maybe God has preserved your life in order that one day, because of your position and because of what God has done for you in the palace, you will deliver us out of this slavery." We don't know when those thoughts began to come to Moses, but we guess it was probably just before the day he walked out of the palace door. Exodus tells us the story.

And he went to see how his people were doing. And he began to try and deliver them. And what happened was he saw an Egyptian beating a slave. Maybe it was a woman, maybe it was somebody he even knew, maybe it wasn't. But what happened with Moses was he lost it and flew into this uncontrollable rage. So even though he'd had parental training, even though he'd had palace training, he didn't have enough personal training to save him at that point from himself. Because the enemy isn't only out there. The enemy is not only the Hittites and the Perizzites and all the -ites. The enemy is here.

The enemy is here. And Moses had one Achilles' heel, and it was his temper. It was his uncontrollable rage. It says in the New Testament, Paul speaking, "The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." And Moses had this problem. And instead of just delivering his fellow Israelite from the hand of the slave master, which he could easily have done, he killed him. Murdered him. Look this way, he looked that way. Didn't seem to be anyone had seen. Buried him in the sand. Done. Finished. Well, at least he'd delivered one of the Israelites out of the hands of the Egyptians and he went home.

Next day he went out again. "Well, maybe I can deliver another one. Or maybe a whole bunch of them." This time he saw an Israelite fighting an Israelite and he said, "Brothers, brothers, what are you doing fighting each other?" And one of them pushed him away. The word is very strong, just pushed him away. "What are you doing? You're going to kill me like you killed the Egyptian yesterday?" And Moses realized. Realized that it was known. It says in the Acts of the Apostles in that passage where it's talking about Moses, Acts chapter 7, that they did not understand, talking about the Israelites, that he went to help them, help his people, but they did not understand.

"Who are you? Born with a silver spoon in your mouth and all of that." And so then he realized that Pharaoh realized and knew. And Pharaoh, who'd had his little questions about Moses—it says in Josephus, which is a history piece about that time of the era, that when Moses was a little boy, there came a point where he took off his crown and put it at the throne and said, "I don't want to be the son of Pharaoh's daughter anymore." Now whether that's true or not we don't know. We do know that he chose that. Hebrews tells us that.

But maybe if even as a child Pharaoh had begun to see the attitude of this adopted boy, that he had begun to be suspicious of him, I don't know. But as soon as he heard that Moses had killed a man—now if it had been his own son he probably wouldn't have bothered—but it gave him the chance to go after him and Moses fled to Midian. Where was Midian? Middle of a desert. Total desert. Who lived there? The Midianites. Who are they? They were descendants of Abraham and Keturah. Now remember Abraham married Sarah, but he also married Keturah, his second wife.

And the descendants of Abraham and Keturah were the Midianites. Whether the priest of Midian, Jethro, who Moses ended up living with for 40 years, marrying his daughter, whether the priest of Midian was a priest of Jehovah is unclear. Except to say most people believe that he became a total convert through the ministry and the stories that Moses brought to him because he certainly was a believer by the time we get into the narrative in the last 40 years of his life. But anyway, this man welcomes him in. This man gives him his daughter Zipporah to be his wife, and he has two children by Zipporah.

Her name means "bird." Two boys, and Moses named them after events. Sometimes you would name your child after character or sometimes you would name your child after an event. And the event: "I am a sojourner in a foreign country, I'm a stranger in a foreign land." He called one of his sons that. So he never, ever settled down and became a Midianite and said, "Well, that's it and I'll just take on the color of my culture and I'm done anyway." He always felt a stranger in a foreign land. So you either named your children after the character that they portrayed or you name your children after an event.

And Moses named both his boys after the events in his life. And so he wanders around the desert for 40 years and all of this. I wonder what he thought about. I wonder where the regrets began and did they ever stop. I wonder if, however, he rehearsed his biblical history. It always helps when you're in a desert or when you're in the dark to rehearse your biblical history. Go back and think about the real people that lived in the big dark house, as I call it. Think about all the real people that lived and moved and had their being and had choices in the Old Testament.

And maybe he started to get a little bit of encouragement. Even though I've been here, now I'm 80 years of age, I think of all my heroes. Noah got drunk. Abraham lied to Pharaoh about Sarah when the king took her into his harem because he was frightened for his own skin. Thought Pharaoh would kill him for her. That wasn't a very good piece of Abraham's life, was it? For her part, Sarah laughed at God. "Do you mean I'm going to have a baby?" And then she lied to God when He called her on it.

That's not very good, Sarah. Jacob's name aptly means "twister" or "cheat." Esau despised his birthright and Jacob twisted him out of it, he stole it. David didn't get off the roof. Bathsheba did get out of the pool and went next door. All of these people had choices. I wonder what Moses thought about. And if you are in these situations in the driest part of your spiritual experience, open your Bible, hang your heart over it, get to know these people. And then read what happened after Noah got drunk. Read what happened after Bathsheba. Read what happened after all these people had their own personal burning bush experience with God.

And so God was waiting, waiting to see his heart. I don't know what God saw, we're not told in the Bible. But sometime after 40 years, God looked into Moses' heart and saw he was ready for a confrontation. Did it take 40 years? I don't know. In God's plan maybe he was doing other things. 40 years later, 80 years of age, he looks at the bush, strange. He goes over to see. And when God saw him turn aside to see He spoke to him. "Moses, Moses, take off your shoes. You're standing on holy ground."

Yeah, it sort of makes you feel humbled, taking off your shoes. God had got him where He wanted him. He said, "Let's talk about who you are. I'm going to send you to Pharaoh, etc., etc." "Who am I?" Well, it's about time, Moses. You're 80 years of age. It's about time you knew who you were, right? How is it that we can grow up, that we can be believers? How is it we can go on all our lives and not know who we are? Where God sees us, what God thinks of us, who we are in His sight. And be honest about it.

My husband often asks people of all ages when he's trying to help them or we're in a counseling situation, I wait for the question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" He's asked people older than 80 that question. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" That's what God asked Moses. "Moses, what do you want to be when you grow up? Have you figured out who you are? Come to terms with that temper of yours? Have you realized who you are in testing, calling, training? Who are you, Moses?"

And Moses said, "I'm the murderer, Lord. I killed a man." "I know," says God. "I was there." And life began. Life began at the age of 80. Aaron three years older. Miriam 13 years older. Three old people set off for 40 years—I mean, think about this. I love this bit for obvious reasons. I love it. You're never done. You keep your eye on the One that you can't see and you keep right on, right on. "But who am I? Who am I? Now you know me, I know me. Why ask somebody like me to do this?"

But the answer to "Who am I?" is "Who are You?" Do you see that? God says, "Well, I'll be with you." "Well, what's Your name?" "I Am. Let me define that for you. I will be all that you need Me to be when you need Me to be all that you need." That's literally what that means. "I will be all that you need Me to be when you need Me to be all that you need." Years and years ago, I had the privilege of going to spend some time with Corrie ten Boom, who was a little lady in Holland that hid Jews during the Holocaust.

They made a film about her life, *The Hiding Place* and all of that. We were very privileged to know Corrie very well. And she told me the story that's in many of her books, but hearing it from her seemed to be I was hearing it for the very first time. And she said, "You know when I was a little girl I said to my daddy, 'I hope Jesus never asks me to suffer for His sake because I could never do that. I would always give in. If they tortured me, I could never stand to be tortured.' And he said, 'Corrie,' and they were walking along the road to school to get the school bus, 'When do I give you the penny for the bus?' 'When I get on it, Papa,' she said. 'That's when you'll get the penny for the bus,' he said."

And how many years later when the bus, that horrible, terrible bus came to pick up all the Jews and Corrie and her family waited to get on the bus? And she thought about it and she said to me, "Jill," with that beautiful rolling accent, "Jill, that's when He gave me the penny for the bus. I didn't need the penny for the bus before I got on it, right?" And God says to Moses, "I'm giving you the penny for the bus. I'm the penny for the bus. I Am. And when you need Me to be all that you need, you'll have Me. I promise."

So the answer to "Who am I?" is "Who are You?" And then everything else gets in perspective because then you say, "Well, who are they?" And I do not want to diminish what we're up against, the formidable foe. I do not want to diminish what Paul talked about about in the unseen, in the invisibles, there is a battle going on. This is a battleground. It is not a playground, folks. I do not want to diminish that. But I do want to tell you those that be with us are more than those that be with them.

That's what God told him. "Don't worry about the Hittites and the Perizzites and all those -ites. We'll look after them. Just go, Moses. Just go. I've got Aaron coming to meet you," it says in a later chapter. God had spoken to Aaron and said, "Go and meet your brother, he's got this whole plan." Now all that He needs is Moses to say, "Here am I, send me," right? And here's Moses, every excuse in the book, and then he comes out with in chapter 4, "Well, the problem is, Lord, I can't speak. You should know this. I've got a stutter."

The word is "stammer" or "stutter." He stuttered, folks. Would God ask somebody that stuttered to go and talk to Pharaoh? Or teach the Ten Commandments to the people of Israel and the laws of God? I mean, that's wild. And God said, "Who made your mouth? Do it anyway, do it stuttering." You see, we never get this piece. "Well, if You gave me a tongue like an angel, Lord, I'd do it. If I could speak, if You trained me in a seminary and I went for elocution lessons and I was a really good preacher, then I'll do it." No, no, no. Just go, will you? Just go. If you have to do it stuttering, stutter. If you have to do it old, do it old. Just go.

Whatever it is God is telling you. If you want to get out of your desert, you'll never get out of it until you say, "Here am I, send me." Listen to His voice. And don't make Him mad. What? Don't make Him mad. God got mad. Have you ever seen that? Those are the bits I usually don't read. I don't like those bits. Moses said to God, "Please send my brother." Have you ever said that? "Here am I, send Aaron." I wrote a book, *Here am I, Send Somebody Else*. And we say it all the time. "Here am I," I've said it. I've said it so many times, "Lord, here am I, send my husband. I'll stay home. I'll do the cheerleading. I'll be the support. Send my husband. Please send my husband. Please send my husband!"

I remember being asked to speak down at a beauty college. I don't think it exists anymore, but it used to be downtown. And it was their graduation. And the man and wife who owned it started coming to Elmbrook. To my amazement, I got this letter saying, "Would I speak at the graduation?" Well, I'm totally intimidated at these -ites that I'm supposed to talk in front of. It was a whole PAC full of all the people, all the families of the little beauty queens and people that have been trained by beauty college. I thought, "I can't do that." I was totally intimidated. And so I threw it away.

And Stuart walked past the wastepaper basket and fished it out and said, "What's this?" And I said, "Oh, it's just a—I couldn't possibly—what would I say and what would I do? And they need to get somebody that knows how to handle something like this. Would you like to do it?" "No, I don't want to go. They didn't ask me, they asked you." Well, I said, "Stuart, I can't do this." And he did what he usually does. He said, "Don't say 'Here am I, send Stuart.' Do it, just do it, Jill." And eventually I did it. And it was actually incredible, everything that happened and conversions and everything. It was a wonderful story.

But where am I? I'm trying to think of who could go. "Well, there's a wonderful Christian woman speaker that I know was a beauty queen herself. Send her, right?" We're all always trying to send somebody else. And God got mad. Why did God get mad? Says God got angry with Moses and said, "All right, I'll send Aaron with you if that's the only way you'll go," etc., etc. Why did God get mad? Did God get mad because He gets mad at us when we're not obedient because He's trying to get His plan organized and He wants to finish the job and have the glory of God? No, no, no. He got mad for us, Moses. This is for you. I can use Aaron, I could use Miriam, I could use anyone I want. I'm giving you the chance, don't you see?

Do you want the chance to see me part the Red Sea and you lead the people through? Don't you want the chance to come up a mountain and see my finger write the Ten Commandments? This is for you, Moses. That's why He got mad. That's why He gets ticked with us. If only you'd keep your eye on the One that you can't see and you'd move right on and say, "Here am I, in all my inadequacy and everything else, send me, send me." It's for us, you see. He could use the angels to do all this. Probably get the job done a whole lot better and quicker. But because He loves us, He says, "Do you want to be part of this? Do you want to be part of this?" He gives us the chance.

So what's it to be? What's it to be? I'd like to finish like I often like to with a poem, gathering this and with us in prayer because in any old desert, in any old place, in any old church, in any old marketplace, there's a burning bush right here, right now. And maybe you want to borrow my words.

Barefoot and humbled at this altar of grace.

Barefoot and humbled with tears on my face.

Ashamed and repentant, I hear my name called.

Barefoot and humbled, I give you my all.

Here at this altar in the desert of sin,

as I turn to confront all that I might have been.

I stand in amazement in my failure and shame,

barefoot and humbled in front of the flame.

Here in this desert He's making me whole.

He's offering forgiveness, He's cleansing my soul.

I'm scared and intimidated, wouldn't you be

in light of the challenges He's planned for me?

But He says, "I'll be with you," so I'll go in His might.

And remember the daylight follows the night.

Stay barefoot and humbled, take His rod in your hand,

then go in His power and do what He's planned.

So barefoot and humbled, yet finding the power,

I set off for Egypt in this sacred hour.

I'll remember forever how this failure was found,

barefoot and humbled on God's holy ground.

Holy this ground where this promise is made.

Keep the fire burning, Lord, and don't let it fade.

Holy this ground where this promise is made.

Keep the fire burning, Lord, and don't let it fade.

Thank you, Lord. Amen.