Telling the Truth for Women

Jill Briscoe: Now if you'll turn in your Bible with me to 1 Samuel chapter 1. Biblical history gives us a story of a woman called Hannah who was not looking forward to the festival time. Now there are many festivals. The males in Israel had to go three times a year to fulfill their obligations up to Shiloh where the temple was at that point and the temple services.

Hannah and Elkanah, her husband, and the other woman in her husband's life, Peninnah, who had children, though Hannah had none, were about to pack up and take off for the Feast of Tabernacles, which actually was one of the most fun feasts of all. It was a fun feast because they all went and the families went, and everyone was excited, and they built a little booth and they camped. They camped there.

And they were commemorating 40 years in the desert when God, in His mighty power, kept 40,000 more million people alive, they say, for 40 years. And this was the festival, probably the favorite festival for families. But there was one woman who didn't want to go because she didn't have any children. And in a sense, this children's festival was agony for her. Things were not the way they ought to be.

In the book of Proverbs chapter 30, it says there are three things never satisfied: a barren womb, hell, and a forest fire. They're never satisfied. It's never enough. And those women who cannot have a child, who are married and cannot have a child, know perhaps only what I'm talking about. And then add the single women who are not married, and they too know what it's like to have a barren womb that's never satisfied.

The same writer says there are four intolerables: a servant who becomes a king, an unloved woman who is married. He said it's intolerable, and yet it has to be tolerated. So many things are intolerable, but they have to be tolerated because we live out of Eden. We live after the fall. And in this country, it's hard. It's hard. An unloved woman who is married, is that you? An unloved man who is married, is that you?

And a girlfriend who displaces a faithful wife, intolerable. A maid servant who displaces her mistress, a girlfriend who displaces a faithful wife. That's pain. This is not the way things ought to be. Not how God planned. He had something so much better in mind. Now polygamy was the problem here. And you meet polygamy right at the beginning of the Bible in Genesis chapter 4, actually, where Lamech, a descendant of Adam—Adam was still alive, he was 130 at that time, he lived until he was 900—but he had a descendant called Lamech.

The first time we read about polygamy, it's reading about him. And apparently somebody attacked him and he killed the man in self-defense. So he calls his wives and he complains to them. And that's the first time you see he called his wives. They're named. And so polygamy happened very soon after Eden was lost. And it brought chaos into the family. One man, one woman. That's the way it ought to be, said God.

And as soon as polygamy happens, and it was allowed in Mesopotamia because if you couldn't have children and you didn't have modern medicine to help you, then you could use a maid servant. And the word "use" is what I wanted to use. So some hapless slave or second wife would be brought in to produce the babies and to be the baby machine. Such was the situation in Hannah's family. And this was a believing family. This was not a pagan family. This was a believing family.

And you can read the book of Genesis and see what havoc polygamy had with the people that practiced it. You think of Sarah and Hagar. Sarah, who mistreated Hagar, the young slave girl who was producing babies for Abraham because Sarah couldn't have them. And the chaos between Sarah and Hagar, and Hagar and Sarah, resulted in Sarah mistreating her. And the word is used one other place in the Bible in the previous chapter in Genesis where it talks about what the slave drivers did to the entire Hebrew nation.

And that's what Sarah did to Hagar. It's called abuse. Sarah abusing Hagar, Hagar despising her mistress. Chaos, pain, trouble, relationships. Esau had two Hittite wives who were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebecca. And that wouldn't be the last time daughters-in-law drove mothers and fathers-in-law crazy, or vice versa. Jacob married two sisters, sort of inadvertently, true.

He wanted to marry Rachel, the beauty. And her father, realizing he couldn't get rid of Leah because she was ugly, swapped the women on the wedding night. I've never really figured that story out because it says in the morning there was Leah. Apparently that was the first time Jacob noticed. Strange, but that's what it was. What a disaster. Two sisters. And God looked down and He saw that Leah was hated.

And He gave her a child to comfort her. And Rachel couldn't have kids. So she goes to Jacob and says, "Give me children or I die!" And Jacob says, "Am I God who has withheld children from you, who disapproves of you?" And that was the problem in that culture. If a woman, a wife, didn't have children, God disapproved, God was punishing her. And so for Hannah, it was so. Not only did she not have that longed-for baby, she was regarded by her community as being in disfavor with God.

Now as I read the story of Hannah, I find that her survival rested in her relationship with God. And that's where I want to begin. The most important relationship in our lives must be the relationship we have with God. On that will stand your survival and revival. On that will depend whether you live under the circumstances or well in the circumstances, or above the circumstances.

How well you relate to God and how well God can relate to you all the help that you need. The Holy Spirit's called the helper, the one called alongside to help. And I know you need help. You've done all you can, and it's never enough. And what you need is God in the equation. And God comes into the equation when we come to know Him, when we open our hearts and lives and say, "I'm out. I'm run out. I've nothing to give. My life's a mess. Please come into my heart. Forgive my sin. Begin to relate to me so I can relate to You and I can help You relate to my relations."

You see, and that's where it begins. And the better you know God, the better you will do with difficult relationships. I am not saying for a minute, know God and all your relationships will just turn out hunky-dory, be back to Eden. No, no. In fact, Hannah's never did. As far as we know, she ended her lives with Peninnah and Elkanah on a broken heart. Except we do know her heart wasn't broken in the end.

But her circumstances didn't change. She changed in the circumstances. And that's really the message that comes off the pages. God writes stories like this so that we can live into them and they can live into us. You don't just read the Bible and say, "Well, that's an interesting story," and use it to apply a little lesson to your life. No, the whole thing needs to live into you and you need to live into it.

And the big thing about this is the largeness of God this story shows us. He's large, He's huge, He's filling everything and everywhere. And God wants us to walk into the largeness of God and let the largeness of God walk into us. Only then can He change us in our circumstances because our circumstances, listen to me, might never change. In fact, they might get worse. Terrible thought. They might and they might not.

And God might change the circumstances, but the idea of God is you relate to Me and I'll relate to you in such a way it doesn't matter whether they change or not. I'll help you and I'll lift you above the circumstances so you can walk on water as it were. You know, as I've had the privilege this year of literally going all the way around the world, everybody is struggling with relationships. Nations are.

I think of India, I think of Costa Rica and Australia and China and Israel and Jordan and Canada and Sudan and UK, my home country. They are in turmoil. And basically speaking, it's all because relationships are fractured. Hostility and hatred have divided people. In Christ, Hebrews tells us, He has broken down the middle wall of hostility and made two one. And there is now neither in Christ Jew nor Greek, bond nor free, or men or women, or black or white, only in Christ.

So we have a big message to give, which Hannah finishes up giving in chapter 2. Only God is big enough. And what Hannah tells us from this story, as we live into it and it begins to live into us, is that you lean and God won't fall over. I think I've spent all my life learning that lesson. It doesn't matter how hard you lean, He'll never fall over. And the more trouble comes and the more you need help in your life in the circumstances of your life, the more you need to lean.

And leaning you find He's a rock. Leaning you find He's there despite all evidence to the contrary. He is there. He is there. Sometimes in the dark, but never at a distance. And that's what Hannah tells us. I think of Hannah. Her story walks right off the page into my life, into what I hear from women around the world. She was living with Peninnah, this woman who was bitter, who was her rival, who was relentless, who kept provoking her, who was ruthless, cruel. A little bit of drama somebody wrote. Peninnah speaking.

Guest (Female): Now then, do all you children have your food? Dear me, there are so many of you. It's hard to keep track. Mommy, Miss Hannah doesn't have any children. Miss Hannah, that's right. She doesn't, does she? Doesn't she want children? Oh yes, very much. Well, doesn't Father want her to have children? Well, certainly he does, but she keeps disappointing him. She just can't have them. Why not? Because God won't let her. Doesn't God like Miss Hannah? Well, I don't know. What do you think? Oh Hannah, did I tell you I'm pregnant again? Do you think you'll ever be pregnant, Hannah?

Jill Briscoe: That's what was going on. And I listen to such cruelty in America and around the world. Terrible, terrible cruelty. So she was living with Peninnah and she was also trying to relate to Elkanah. Now you say, "But she had a husband. She wasn't husband-less, but she was childless." And he just didn't get it. He didn't understand.

You can have a loving spouse but a difficult marriage. I'll say that again. You can have a loving spouse, but you can have a spouse that just doesn't relate or communicate and doesn't get it. I mean, even in the best of marriages, it can be hard. 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, try and understand the women you live with." Try, please, just try, says Peter. I know it's difficult.

And this poor man is totally bewildered. He doesn't get it. In a secular book called *Men Don't Have a Clue and Why Women Always Need More Shoes*, Barbara and Allan Pease say when they're talking about men understanding women and vice-versa, "Women regularly make the assumption that because a man loves her, he must understand her." Women presume that. It's true. Well, if he loves me, he must understand me. That's not true. He usually doesn't, they say.

And a woman needs to know one man well to understand all men, whereas a man may know all women well and not understand one of them. That's what the man said. Bewildered. Elkanah is bewildered. Listen to what he says: "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than 10 sons? What about me?" And the answer to that was, "No, buddy, you're not enough. You don't get it. You don't understand."

Because she loved him too. She couldn't really tell him. And so it wasn't really his fault because she wasn't communicating either. And the first time we hear her communicating is in 1 Samuel as she prays to God. And she comes to a point where she's sick of being sick of it. And she comes to a point where she's had it. And she comes to a point where she goes to God. "Yes," He says, "you should have come sooner, Hannah."

Have you ever heard God say that to you? Have you been trying to fix it? Have you been running to this person and that person? And thank God for the people that you can run to, to help and to counsel and to pray for you. But why don't you run to God? Why? We've too many holy substitutes in this society, in this church, in this land. Run to God! It's where your help is.

And Hannah ran to God. She'd been dealing with herself. She'd been defeated. Have you been living defeated? Have you been living under this for years and years and years? I cannot tell you what I have heard as people have come and told me their situations. It's heartbreaking. It's absolutely heartbreaking. And most of them have said, "Jill, I gave up hope of ever living well in this situation or ever, who could think it, living above it. I gave up hope." Don't give up hope. Please don't give up hope.

Listen to me. Listen to Hannah. She went to God. She poured it out. She went to prayer. Prayer isn't something you do, prayer is somewhere you go. You go to the presence of God, the largeness of God, and you say, "Help." That's the best prayer you can do. That's what she says. You can read this prayer. "God, in the bitterness of my heart, in my grief, in my pain." And God says, "I read you. I see it. I count your tears. I put them in a bottle." That's what God says.

He hears you. He heard Hannah. And the old priest who was out of touch with God thinks she's drunk. "Why don't you come back when you're sober?" he says. And she says, "I'm not drunk. I'm in agony. I've been pouring out my heart. I've been asking God for the desires of my heart." And the old priest catches himself and says, "Well, go in peace. May the God of Israel grant you what you've asked of Him."

And through even an out-of-touch priest with God, she hears Him. And God says to her, "I'll arrange your circumstances. I'll manage it. But first, Hannah, I'll manage you. I won't fix your circumstances yet, but I'll fix you." That's where you begin. So you have to go to Shiloh. You have to let it out. You have to surrender to His will. You have to let Him write the end of the story.

What dreams? What dreams lie shattered in your life? Has life turned out the way it ought to be, the way you dreamed, the way you hoped? Has your marriage turned out like that? Has your singleness turn out like that? What dreams lie shattered? Well, first of all, you need to remind yourself of His love. You know where this begins, up here. You mind your mind, God will mind your heart.

It starts up here, minding your mind, setting your mind on God. And that's what Hannah did. And she was able to say, "Take it. I'm done. Baby or no baby, I will believe I can be as happy without a baby as with a baby." Watch your baby. Watch your Samuel. Do you believe if you come to Him and say, "Okay, I give it You." Have you been trying to give it Him? Has it been like Velcro, won't go, stuck to your soul?

Let me give you a hint: get to God. Hold your Samuel in your arms and give Him permission to take him. That's what she did. I can't give you him. I cannot give you him. I remember kneeling down by my bed when I was a missionary mourning my husband's absence 10 months of the year for 10 years. I was a single parent basically in missions raising our kids. And I remember being a Hannah coming to the end of myself, bitter, defeated, unable to live well in a very difficult situation and certainly not ever rising above it.

And I came to God. I was not childless, I was husband-less. And said to God, "I've had it. I'm sick of being sick of it. I give you permission to take my husband. He's yours anyway. Only lent to me. I'm done." And then I didn't pray for a few weeks or read my Bible. And I waited. And in those few weeks, it was done. And I remember waking up one morning and the birds were singing in my heart and my soul was tap-dancing.

And I got up and said, "It's done. It's given. It's gone. It's gone! Thank God! Could I be as happy with my husband as without him? Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" But it didn't happen till I was done trying to make it happen. And I gave Him permission to write the end of the story of my life. It was not how I wanted my life to be. It was not why I married a full-time man in missions. That was not my idea. And my circumstances changed.

And God had to change me. And He did. And He did as I accepted His will and relinquished Samuel, in my case Stuart. And I began to live above the circumstances. And the three things that happened to Hannah happened to me. And she says in chapter 2, "I revel in God. I delight in God." And she says in chapter 2, "I depend. I lean and He won't fall over. He won't fall over." I wrote that in my Bible years ago. "I'll lean on you, Lord Jesus." And He never fell over.

The whole world can lean on God because of the largeness of God and He won't fall over. And then she said, "I'll declare." And she wrote chapter 2. When did she write chapter 2? The day she took the baby that came, miracle. Weaned him for three years. She had him for three years, three, three, three years. She had what she'd always wanted. And then she gave him away into the hands of wicked men and left him there.

And she came home and she picked up a pen. She said, "Where's some paper?" And she wrote, "My heart rejoices in the Lord and not my circumstances." And that's where you need to get to. Do you know God that well? Do you revel in Him? Does He delight you? Do you get on your knees and never want to get up again? That's where you've got to get to. "My heart rejoices in the Lord."

She was singing this the day she gave Samuel away, the day she put up all the baby clothes, the day she gave the toys back to Peninnah, the day that woman said to her, "Oh, so you left him at the temple? That was a good idea, Hannah. You left him with Eli, the out-of-touch man of God, and his two sons who are messing around with the women in the temple. Great. Well, you don't have a baby anymore, do you? Keep your hands off mine. Don't touch them."

And Hannah said, "You know, Peninnah, you can't touch me anymore. You can't yank my chain. You can't control my mood because my heart is dancing. My heart is dancing, and you can't fight that." And poor Peninnah, says in chapter 2, "The woman with many children pines away." Peninnah pined away, but Hannah lived above her circumstances.

And she began to declare His great power. And you know, a very important reason why you've got to get to this point is because the world is watching you. Your family is watching you. Your spouse is watching you. Your children are watching you. And they have difficult circumstances too. Your kids are in pain. Up at Bethel College this year, and I asked them how many of them were going home for the break.

And some kids came to me and said, "We're not." And I said, "Oh, why not?" They said, "Because we went home last break and we found that our mom didn't love our dad anymore or our dad didn't love our mom anymore. And they said, 'Well, we were just waiting until we got you to college and you were off on your own and then we split. And we decided to do that.' And we don't want to go home. Do we go home to Dad or do we go home to Mom? No, we're not going home."

And their hearts were breaking. And the children are watching you. And you know, the greatest thing you can give your kids is to live above your circumstances so they can look and say, "I watched my mother. I watched her. What did I see?" That's what they need to see in us. And we need to declare His power. I spend my life going around the world saying, listen to what He did in me, like the song says, what Christ did in me. He can do it in you. Yes, He can. He can do it in you.

I read today in a book I'm reading, "Don't be a pool, be a stream." I just don't want to collect all the stuff I know about Jesus and be a pool. I want to be a stream. And I want to declare His great power. That's what she did. Mary borrowed it. When the angel came and said, "I've come to ruin your life, Mary. You thought you were going to get married and have babies and settle down with Joseph? Forget it." And Mary said, "How?"

And God said, "Me. Lean." And she leant and God didn't fall over. And Christ was born. And Mary wrote, "My soul magnifies the Lord." Where'd she get that from? Chapter 2 of 1 Samuel. She borrowed this woman's heart. That's what this is for. You live into it, it lives into you. Borrow her heart. Use her words and you'll see. He'll do it for you. Don't be a pool, be a stream. I've watched you listening and I sense God has been speaking. So what's He said? Where are you in this story? Pray with me.

Let me ask you, what has blotted out the blue of the sky? Whose face comes to mind? What's happened to make things not the way things ought to be? Where are your dreams? It's not the way things ought to be, and yet the way things are. I look above and see a void and not one single star. Then in the day the blue is gray, the winds of change are stilled. My heart, it seems, must die to dreams I'll never see fulfilled. Do you need to die to some dreams that perhaps you'll never see fulfilled? You just say to God, "Help me, I'll die to my dreams."

It's not the way things ought to be and yet the way things are. Then God walks in, forgives the sin, and lights my evening star. He tames my rebel doubts with love, rebukes my frantic fears, then asks me why I sigh and cry and counts my many tears. So I'll live above my circumstance, I'll sing away my pain. I'll wait for day, and come what may, I'll trust the Lord again. That's your line. I'll trust the Lord again.

Accepting what I cannot change, that's your line. Relinquishing control. I'll live within my circumstance till Christ has made me whole. So I'm watching for the dawn of days that breaks the devil's back. May faith take on the evil one and nothing may I lack. May wrongs be righted, hopes ignited, victory be assured. May God be seen to intervene and Jesus be adored. One day the things that ought to be will be the way He's planned. So we should live and freely give our dreams into His hand. We'll live in light of everness, our eyes upon the throne. He'll give us grace to run the race till we are safely home. Yes, He will. Ask Him. Ask Him for grace.

Lord Jesus, lighten our load, light up our life. Walk around our grief, send it packing. Forgive the unforgivables; only You can do that. Help me to sing my pain away. Strengthen my faith-life to live in the good of things to come before they're here. With or without the baby. Take it, Lord. Take it. Take it. Amen.