Somebody Loves You

Raul Ries: And the reason there are so many situations and problems in marriage is because you have two wills that are fighting against each other. Who's going to submit to the Lord? Who's going to humble themselves? Or are you going to try to continue to be the one that wins all the battles in the marriage?

Pretty heavy stuff. Paul's really open with this whole thing. He doesn't play around.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Somebody Loves You radio, the Bible teaching ministry of Raul Ries in Diamond Bar, California. We are so glad to have you with us today as we return to First Corinthians for a look at the healthy boundaries God has established for physical intimacy.

As we explore Paul's letter, Raul will challenge you to resist temptation and honor the unique bond reserved for a husband and wife. You'll learn today that whether you're married or single, you can look to the Lord for help in exercising self-control. Our study today is titled Problems Relating To Marriage And Singleness. In First Corinthians chapter 7, here's Raul Ries.

Raul Ries: In chapter 6, he's been not only dealing with sexuality outside of marriage, and also now he's going to be speaking to those that are married and the duty of sexuality within marriage, so that a husband and wife know how to deal with their sexual problems and how not to commit adultery.

I think that we really need to be sensitive in these last days to the things that God is speaking because we are living in a very carnal world, a very carnal world. You look at the church today and the problems that the church is facing for the future.

Paul is writing to a problem that is there existing in the city of Corinth. The problem is fornication, the problem is homosexuality, and the problem is adultery. At the same time, Paul begins here responding, the letter begins by responding to someone that wrote to him. We don't have that letter, but he's responding here.

He says this beginning in chapter 7, verses 1 through 9. He says, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me." See, somebody's writing him. He says, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." Now here it is. Single people, listen carefully. It is not good, he doesn't mean touch her sexually.

Paul is saying here, and he's really exhorting, celibacy is advised by Paul. If you really want to be a Christian and you really want the blessing of God in your relationship, then don't have sex. You have problems with sex? Get married or break it up.

Because even when you get married, you're going to have sexual problems. If you don't get along with your wife and a husband doesn't get along with his wife, what's going to happen? Satan is going to tempt you in the office or wherever you are, and she's going to get tempted too.

So Paul is giving us advice. He's answering that person that wrote him the letter. He says, "If you want to know my opinion, you want to know what God says in His word, it is good for a man not to sexually have relationships of intercourse with a woman." And he's talking to the unmarried, those that are not married.

Men, I want to give you some advice to those of you that are single. Wait on the Lord. As you go through the Scriptures, it's incredible. Listen to what it says as we go back into the Old Testament, which is incredible. Let me read from Genesis chapter 2, verse 18. "And the Lord God said, it is not good that a man should be alone."

So God's purpose is that man should have a companion. Now let me stop here for one second. It is important that you understand that there are people that have the gift of singleness and they never get married. I had two aunts like that. There's other people that are just like that. They don't have any problem sexually. God gives them the gift of singleness and they never, ever get married, ever.

So God sees, and Paul's going to talk to us a little more about that. God sees that Adam, he says, and the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him," notice, "a helper comparable to him." God said that. "I'm going to make a woman comparable to this man."

And then he said this. "And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them." So he gave authority to Adam to go ahead and give names. So he was intelligent to every animal.

He says, "And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name." And so Adam gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. Notice that's the second time.

God saw the emptiness and the loneliness of man. Listen, God knows your needs. You don't have to look for a woman or for a man. All you have to do is be married to Jesus Christ first, and then He'll take care of your problem.

Because here he continues to say this. Check this out in verse 21. "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept, and He took one of his ribs or the curved side and closed up the flesh in its place. And then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, He made it into a woman and He brought her to the man."

Who brought his wife? The Lord. He didn't go out looking for a wife. Mark that. The reason people get in trouble in their marriages is because we're so picky and we're not listening to God. We're looking physically and not spiritually. You don't want a wife or a husband that's going to be going out on you committing adultery.

Guest (Male): You're listening to Somebody Loves You radio with Raul Ries. We are here to support your faith walk and equip you to stay in step with the Lord. Visit somebodylovesyou.com for our full array of resources, including Raul's practical study titled Unity, Holiness and Love on CD and USB. Let's continue with the conclusion of our study, Problems Relating To Marriage And Singleness.

Raul Ries: So I'm really exhorting you tonight concerning Paul's letter here. Paul is very serious about this. He said it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Then he goes on in verse 2, "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality," here's the problem, sexual immorality in the church.

What do we do? "Let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband." If you can't contain, get married or break it up. Don't play around. You're only storing judgment upon yourself.

Then Paul, again, in speaking of marriage again in Genesis chapter 2, verse 23, when He made the woman, He brought the woman to the man. Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be glued unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed."

You notice in verse 24. He says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined." The word 'joined' in the Hebrew is you take two-by-fours and you glue them and leave them overnight. Come out the next day and try to separate those two-by-fours just with your hands. You can't do it. Then you have to use a hammer and a chisel. What happens? It splinters the wood. That's what divorce does.

Very important what Paul says here. Again, look what he says. Paul here is recognizing, however, that the single state carries with it "nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband."

Verse 3, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her, and likewise also the wife to her husband." Now it doesn't mean that the husband and wife are not going to have problems. Everybody has problems, everybody.

But in this world we're imperfect and this is an imperfect world. The reason there are so many situations and problems in marriage is because you have two wills that are fighting against each other. Who's going to submit to the Lord? Who's going to humble themselves? Or are you going to try to continue to be the one that wins all the battles in the marriage? Pretty heavy stuff. I mean, Paul's really open with this whole thing. He doesn't play around.

And then he goes on to say this. Listen, verse 4, "The wife does not have authority over her own body." Look what he's saying. You became one. You became one with each other. Then he goes on, "But the husband does, and likewise the husband doesn't have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

You see, the wife does. Husbands and wives, the marriage union, there is a dependence on the wife upon her husband and the husband upon the wife. What happens is husbands and wives become bitter toward one another and there's no solution to the marriage because nobody wants to forgive, nobody wants to yield, nobody wants to humble themselves. Who suffers? Yes, the marriage, but the children because of stubborn parents because they want their way.

So Paul is giving great, great advice here. Listen to this again. After Genesis, we go to the book of Proverbs. And in the book of Proverbs, this is what he says in chapter 5, verse 15. "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?" He's talking to guys.

And notice what he says here. "And should your fountains be dispersed abroad?" You see, you can get another woman pregnant. You can go out there and just really ruin people's lives. And then he says this. "Let them be only your own and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth as a loving deer and a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured with a harlot, with an immoral woman?"

Think about what he says. That's the Bible. That's the word of God. And it's really important because Solomon's the writer and Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, 1,000 women in his life. He's giving advice to his kids before it ever happened to him, and he failed.

Think of how many people fail today to keep themselves pure unto God and to their wives and to their husbands. There might be somebody here today that right now is in adultery, right now in here in this room. And it's really important that you really check out your life as you heard the word of God today. Guess what's going to happen? To much is given, much more will be required. The judgment of God will be heavy on you if you don't repent. You have to repent of your sin, otherwise you'll never inherit the kingdom of God.

Then how about Paul writing to the Ephesian church? Listen to what he says in chapter 5, verse 21. "Submit to one another in the fear of God, husband and wives. Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, also as Christ is the head of the church and He's the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

Let me clarify something here for the men. A wife cannot submit to her husband if the husband doesn't love his wife. You know how many men come into my office and how many I talk to where the man is not submissive to the lordship of Jesus Christ? The wife has to take over the head as the head of the home because he's not. He's a little wimp, seriously.

They lose respect for that man. And then when that person repents and comes to Jesus Christ, then he has to be a different man, a different person. One that fears God and loves God and loves his wife and loves his children. Very important, you guys.

Look what he says also. He goes on in verse 25, now speaking to men. "Husbands," once, "love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her." Two times he's already used love. Verse 26, "that He might sanctify and cleanse her by the washing of the water through the word."

Now you know what that means there, you guys? Write it down. You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of your home by reading the Bible with your wife and praying with her. And then check this out, he says something else.

He says in verse 26, "that He might sanctify and cleanse her by the washing of the water through the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing." He goes on to say this, "that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands," here's the third time, "so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies."

Guys, I see the guys at the gym in love with themselves in the mirrors, seriously. Think about how much time these guys, egotistic guys in the gym, they're all buff and everything and they love themselves and they kiss themselves all over the place. Shame on them.

And then they go home and they mistreat their wives and they yell at them and they do whatever they have to do. They're so in love with themselves, they don't see anything else but themselves. And here God says what? That he is to be loving to his wife.

And then he says this in verse 29, "For no one ever yet hated his own flesh, but he nourishes it and cherishes it." You take care of yourself physically and in every way. Notice that. "Just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be glued unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

You see, Christ is our husband and we are the bride of Christ. That's the example. I am the bride of Christ. You're the bride of Christ. He's our husband. If He loves us and He nourishes us and He takes care of us, how much more that one day you and I are going to have to give an account to God of our marriage and our children and everything else that we have done fully, completely.

First Peter chapter 3, verse 1. "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word," non-believer, "they without a word," without preaching to them, "may be won by the conduct of their wives." So here he says to the woman, if you have a non-believer husband, don't preach to him. Don't put tracts in his sandwiches, okay, messages.

All right? But what you do is you're a hard-working woman, you love your children, you're doing what's right before God. He's going to see that. I saw that in my wife. My wife was a full-on Christian. By conviction, I would become more angry, and that's why I would hit her and verbally, physically abuse her. She made me angry, but it wasn't her. It was the Holy Spirit that was trying to get my life and Satan was behind me. You see?

Look what he says. "When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied with fear." When your husband sees that you fear God and that you're godly, "do not let your adornment by putting makeup on and jewels and nice dresses," he says that's not going to bring your husband to the Lord. Check this out.

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging of the hair, with wearing of gold, putting on fine dresses. Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." Don't argue. Don't be fighting with your husband.

And then he says this, "which is very precious in the sight of God." You don't have to be weak by being quiet. You're a strong woman. "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are, if you do good and are not afraid of any terror." Wow.

He gives the woman six verses, he gives the husband only one. Listen, husbands, carefully. Real powerful. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with your wives with understanding," which means what? You get to know them. Get to know your wife. How she thinks, how she operates, so that you can be one with her.

Guest (Male): It is good to be reminded that honoring God with our lives includes every aspect, including the physical nature of our marriage or dating relationships. You're listening to Somebody Loves You radio with Raul Ries. Today's study was titled Problems Relating To Marriage And Singleness. We've made an unedited version available to you for a donation of five dollars or more. To get your copy, just call us at 800-634-9165.

And as you meditate on how to glorify the Lord in your daily decisions, we'd like to tell you more about Raul's 11-message series Unity, Holiness and Love. It's available on CD and USB. In this study, you'll discover new ways to exercise your faith while following God's instructions for handling conflict, managing finances, nurturing relationships, and more.

Visit somebodylovesyou.com or call 800-634-9165 to order Raul's 11-part series. We'll send you Unity, Holiness and Love on CD for twenty-three dollars or on a thumb drive for just fourteen dollars. Our number again is 800-634-9165. If you'd like to order by writing us, the mailing address is Somebody Loves You radio, P.O. Box 4440, Diamond Bar, California 91765.

We're a listener-supported ministry and we're always thankful for your partnership. Your gifts help us keep sharing the truth and encouragement of God's word. Join us next time for more wisdom from First Corinthians. You'll see that as a follower of Jesus, you're a temple for the Lord and He requires a holy dwelling place. If you break your marriage vows, you not only hurt your spouse, you dishonor the Lord. That's next time on Somebody Loves You radio.

Raul Ries: So now you can see Paul the Apostle here, why he's saying all these things here in the book of First Corinthians. Check this out. Go back to Corinthians, verse 4 again. "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does, and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

And then he says, "Do not deprive one another except by consent for a time." So if you're having marriage problems, you talk to your wife, you talk to him, okay, why don't we do this? Why don't we separate for a couple of weeks? Not leaving the home, but let me sleep in one room, you sleep in the other room, and let's give ourselves to prayer and fasting to see what God will do.

You see? Now, the problem comes this way. If there's a month in between in that separation and all of a sudden the husband begins to be tempted or the wife begins to get tempted, what do you do? Do you continue your fast? Paul says no. Get back together sexually, intimately so there's no adultery.

But then how many times wives say no way to their husbands and they cause them to commit adultery? It works both ways, you guys, both ways. Check this out what he says. "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, for a time," see? And then what? You both have to agree on it. "That you may give yourselves to fasting," denying of yourself, "to prayer, and then come together again."

Check this out. "So that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I mean, how clear do we want it? The problem is self-control. If you don't have self-control and all of a sudden you're being tempted, immediately you've got to go reconcile, get together as husband and wife.

If not, somebody is going to stumble, somebody's going to stumble. It's very heavy what Paul is saying here, very heavy. If you don't have submission to God number one, then you'll never have submission to each other. Bottom line. And God wants you to be submissive to one another in the fear of the Lord.

Check this out, verse 6. "But I say this," notice, "as concession," or literally by permission, "not as a commandment. For I wish," Paul says, "that all men were even as I myself am." What? Single. "I don't have to have a wife, I'm doing fine." "But each one has his own gift from God."

God is the one that gives you the gift of singleness or He gives you the gift to get married. You don't make it yourself. God gives it to you. "But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that manner." So one in singleness and one in marriage.

Verse 8, "But I say to the unmarried," now the single, "to the unmarried and to the widows," those that husbands have died or wives, "it is good for them if they remain even as I am." What do you mean? Single. Single. At the end of the chapter, he'll tell you that if you can remain single as a widow, then you can get married but only in the Lord. Only in the Lord, not a non-believer. Only in the Lord.

Check this out, verse 9. "But if they cannot exercise self-control," again he's going to tell you, "let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with your passions." Notice what he says here. He's giving us counsel. You don't need the Greek or the Hebrew to interpret this. It's in plain English. He's telling you exactly what to do if you have those kind of problems in your life.

So Paul says if they cannot exercise self-control, you're having problems with lust. You're single, your husband died, your wife died, and you can't contain yourself. Let them get married, for it is better to marry than to burn with lust, better than burning with lust.

And if you go to the end of the chapter, he says that you only can marry in the Lord, not apart from the Lord, or you're going to have major problems. Second Corinthians 6:14, "Be you not unequally yoked together with a non-believer. What fellowship has light with darkness?"

Guest (Male): This program is sponsored by Somebody Loves You radio in Diamond Bar, California.