Somebody Loves You

Raul Ries: I have found out that when you love your wife, everything comes to a peace. And there is so much that God wants to do in our marriage, especially when two people are submitted to the lordship of Christ, and the Holy Spirit is working through that marriage, humbling ourselves before God, and taking blame where it's due.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Somebody Loves You Radio, the Bible teaching ministry of Raul Ries in Diamond Bar, California. Today's message continues our study of God's guidelines for a thriving marriage, underscoring the give and take that's needed between a husband and a wife. Raul will urge you to believe that the bond between you and your spouse is worth fighting for. God designed the marriage relationship to last for a lifetime, and He can bring healing to your home when you choose humility and respect. Here is Raul Ries with the second part of our study, God's Institution of Marriage, in Hebrews chapter 13.

Raul Ries: It's always amazing that there are so many that still do not know what God says in His Word. So many times we want to make our own rules and regulations, and we compromise concerning the Word of God. We are hoping and expecting that our marriage will work tremendously, and that we will be happy and that there will be joy in the marriage. But it doesn't work that way. It's either God's way, but not your way, that has to work only. It's really important that we understand that the reason is because we need to know God's Word.

We need to know what the Bible says. That's from Genesis to Revelation. We just can't pick certain scriptures and apply them to ourselves and say, "Well, this is what the Bible says." No, that's like putting a puzzle together. We have to see the whole picture. Many times it's really hard because there's the blaming game. It's his problem, or it's her problem. It's his fault, or it's her fault. But if we would stop pointing fingers and take responsibility for our own actions, I think it would work even better.

A lot of times the husband doesn't take the responsibility to be the head of his home. He just doesn't take it. And then the wife becomes unsure of his love, so she begins always to challenge whatever he says. Satan comes along and begins to really play on her mind. So when the husband begins to feel challenged, then he becomes a little bit not nicer but meaner because pride sets in.

God's heart's desire is that the husband should take the headship of his home and become a spiritual leader in his home, loving his wife. I have found out that when you love your wife, everything comes to a peace. And there's so much that God wants to do in our marriage, especially when two people are submitted to the lordship of Christ and the Holy Spirit is working through that marriage, humbling ourselves before God and taking blame where it's due.

We need to understand that as the wife submits to her husband, then he begins to be the spiritual leader of his home. Then God can begin to bless both husband and wife in such a way where your children will even see that the house is at peace with God. There's no more struggle the way all of the things that were happening within the home. And yet we make it so difficult to get along with each other by hurting each other, saying things that we shouldn't say and then trying to take back those things that we've said. What do we do? We not only hurt each other but, get this, you grieve the Holy Spirit greater.

The Holy Spirit is a person that lives within each one of us. And so if you're name-calling and you're saying things that are not building up but tearing down, guess who is getting hurt? Your wife's getting hurt. The husband's getting hurt. But most important, the Holy Spirit is being grieved, and He cannot do His effective work in your life or in your marriage.

I would pray that we would become, as the Word of God says, doers of His Word, and that we would obey the Word of God and humble ourselves before God so that God can begin to really work in me and to work through me and my marriage. Then I can really say that I'm keeping God's Word and saying and doing what God says in His Word. As you look at the scriptures, we want to look this morning at what the wife should be to her husband. This is what the scripture says.

The first thing that the Bible says is that she is to become a help meet to him. A help meet. Way back at the beginning as we've been studying in the book of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, before the law was ever given to Moses, in the establishment of Adam and Eve in chapter 2 of Genesis, the Lord said, "And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him."

So already God already saw the emptiness, loneliness of man. There's a lot of lonely people today in the world. And one of the things if you're single here today is that God sees your loneliness. God sees everything you're going through, and at the same time like Adam in the Garden of Eden, God knows your physical and spiritual needs and emotional needs. So what do you do? You wait upon the Lord. You don't rush into things. You don't want to make a mistake that is going to cost you. When I say that is you wait upon God to bring you whoever He wants you to have. It's not just about having a girlfriend, but who's going to be my wife? Who's the one that is going to be with me until death do us part, so help me God? That's really important. Building a family, building a home.

And so when God did that in the Garden of Eden, it was amazing how Adam, not only in charge of the whole Garden of Eden and calling out by name every one of the animals through his intelligence that God had given to him, and then God looking through Adam and seeing that even though God gave him authority over the Garden of Eden, yet there was something missing in his life. Because God is God. He knew. Just like He knows you and knows me.

He knows our up-risings and our downfalls. He knows when you're bummed and He knows when you're happy. And yet what did God do? God said this, and Adam, what did he do? He put him to a sleep, and then He created the woman from his rib, from the side, the closest part of man's heart. And He gave him this beautiful woman by the name of Eve. And there in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were together. And she became a help meet to him, a companion, a companion for life. Notice that. Surely you want your wife to be your companion, your best friend. That's real important where you guys can talk about things that maybe you can't talk with anybody else. And at the same time, praying together as husband and wife, that really helps.

If you're a husband and you're not praying with your wife, and you're a wife and you're not really praying with your husband, then what kind of a foundation are you really building today? It's built upon the sand. We need to become partners in our prayer with the Lord, in communion with God. God desires that when you pray with your mate, you become more intimate, you become more close together. You become of the same mind and the same heart.

But I think it's really of importance that the wife really becomes a help meet to her husband, as the Bible says. Because secondly, the Bible tells us that she is also a crown to her husband. It says in the book of Proverbs 12:4, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness to his bones." Imagine that. I think the Bible is so cool, the way it brings out the truth of God. I mean, when there's peace in the marriage and the wife is at peace with her husband, she becomes a crown to her husband because the husband is one who has it all together with the Lord.

But if the husband doesn't have it together, then really how can the wife truly become a crown to him? When she's always worrying what's going to happen next? I can't trust him. I don't know what he's doing. She's unsure of herself and her husband. So it's really important that she would be at peace in her life, when she's reassured that the husband is loving her, taking care of her in every way. Then the children are at peace too with the parents. There's no turmoil in the home, the home is taken care of just like the Bible says.

And then thirdly, really important for the woman, as the Bible speaks, she is a good thing for her husband. In the book of Proverbs 18:22, he says this, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Wow. You got favor with God when you find a good wife. But if your marriage is not built upon God's foundation, then it's going to break apart. It's going to be washed out. And then the Bible tells us fourthly that she is the weaker vessel. It says in the book of 1 Peter chapter 3:7, he says, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with your wives with understanding." That's a good one. "Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel."

As to the weaker vessel. God created her as the weaker vessel, to nourish your children, to take care of your children, to take care of the home. But you as a husband need to be the protector of that home, the protector of your wife, the protector of your children. Because he says this: "As being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Wow. Men, your prayers will be hindered if you don't take care of your wife. That's a stumbling block. So it's really something that we need to think about and to take action upon these things.

Guest (Male): You're listening to Somebody Loves You Radio with Raul Ries. It's always our privilege to equip you and your spouse with truth from God's Word. Visit somebodylovesyou.com for a wealth of resources. You'll also find live-streamed biblical teaching on the Somebody Loves You Worldwide YouTube channel. Now, back to more of our study, God's Institution of Marriage, with Raul Ries.

Raul Ries: And then she is his companion. And it's really neat because you can both grow together, you can cry together, you can be in a place where God can really speak to both of you. And it's neat because when you pray with your wife, it makes it better. She feels assured. She feels like you're connected with her. You're truly a companion to one another completely together.

And then check this out now for the men, it's a little longer list but that's okay. He says, number one, he says what? And remember the law. There's only two rules to marriage: submit and love. That's it. Submit and love. Two. Here he says he is to really love his wife. In Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."

You see, here he's saying, husbands, you need to learn how to give of yourself. Very hard for men to do that because we have so many activities in our lives. We don't really want to give of ourselves. But when we think of what Christ did for us, He shows real demonstration of love by giving Himself on the cross to go to the cross and die for our sins. He goes on to say this, "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Already three times in three verses he's used the word love three times about a husband loving his wife. Not once to the woman did he say love, just submit. Why? Because men are hard to listen. We forget. But it's so cool how God here reminds us that we're supposed to be representing Christ, the church.

And then he says again, he says, "Nevertheless, let each one of you husbands in particular," again fourth time, "so love his own wife as himself." And you know guys, if you love yourself, if you're always on that mirror looking at yourself, you know you love yourself. How much more loving your wife? Look at, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. How does she respect her husband? Four times: when he loves his wife. She's reassured. She knows everything's cool, everything's going really well.

Secondly, he is to live with her for life. For life. This is a hard one for a lot of people because this is now God in the New Testament speaking about husbands and wives. He says the Pharisees also came to Jesus testing Him and they said to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife just for any reason?" But this is really important because the Pharisees were actually reading into the law, adding to the law. They had 10 commandments and they made 613 laws out of those 10 commandments. And they were in their law, they would say if your wife cooks you a meal in the Old Testament and it's too salty, you can divorce her. You can go down to the city gates and write a bill of divorcement and say, "My wife keeps putting too much salt on my meals, I want to divorce her." You can do that. They had all these stupid laws concerning divorcing their wives. Why? Because they were eyeballing somebody else's wife. That's what happened.

But look what He says. And then He answered and said to them, "Have you not read," notice, "that He who made them at the beginning made female and male?" What? God said for life. For life, husband and wife. I know that there are people that get separated, get divorced because there's verbal abuse, there's adultery involved, different situations. And yet again we'll get this when we get to Matthew chapter 5, where He talks about the divorce factor. That if you look at it biblically, the only reason that God gives for a person to be divorced is if a person commits adultery. Look at the scriptures. That's the only reason.

Why? Read 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Because he says you can work out your problem by separating. Divorce should be the ultimate thing, the last thing in your mind, giving God a place or a space to work through my marriage so that I can be that godly man in whatever problem I have. There's been times where husbands will come and say, "My wife left me, can you call her?" Nope, I won't call her. I'm glad she left you. You deserve it. Why? Because we want God to work on that side. Leave her alone. Quit pursuing after her. Let God deal and work with her so that God can break her and God can break you. And then when you come together, you'll be stronger. You'll be faithful to one another. You'll be a godly couple.

But there are people immediately there's whatever problem there is, they go to their lawyers and they get a separation and then they want a divorce. And yet the Bible says what? God hates divorce. It's not the unpardonable sin, but it's not God's first. You'll reap as a partner. But in Christ Jesus, God can help you. That's why we come to Christ, we become new persons, new things. And that's why it's really important that the husband, the third thing is that he should be faithful to her. That is faithful in every area of your life. Why? Because guys have a tendency as women to be unfaithful. And when does unfaithfulness come? When there's struggles in the homes, where you're not joined together, you're striving with one another, you're demeaning the other person. Satan comes along and brings somebody else.

He says in Malachi 2:14, this is where we get it from. He says, "Yet you say for what reason? Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth with whom you have dealt treacherously, yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did not He make them one, having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? Because He seeks a godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth." Why? Because God hates divorce. God hates divorce. And it's really important that we get that because there are so many divorces today. We need to stop that. We need to work on our marriage. We need to repent before God.

And then fourthly, he is to be satisfied with her. In Proverbs 5:18 says, "Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love." You need to work in your marriage. You need to kindle the fire again. If you've been married too long, you need to kindle it. And I think the best way to kindle the fire is to get on your knees and pray and ask God to give you love for one another. Then God will renew that marriage. It's really beautiful how God can do that with everyone and anyone that God sees fit to do.

And then fifthly, he is to instruct her. This is real important, guys. You need to be the spiritual leader of your home. You pray for them before you go to work. Pray for them on your way to work. Lunchtime call your wife, see how she's doing throughout the day. When you get home, give time to your wife, but be the spiritual leader of your home. And it's really important teaching your children, instructing them in God's Word. Having a little Bible study, make it fun, but it's cool how the Lord gives you the wisdom to do that, to become the spiritual head of your home.

It says in 1 Corinthians 14:34, he says, "And let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, for they are to be submissive as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is shameful for a woman to speak in church." And men take that and they go, "There it is, man. Our wives have to be quiet." No, that was a problem in the Jewish synagogue. Women on one side, men on the other side. The wives would get up and say, "What does he mean by that, honey?" And the rabbi would say, "Hey, keep quiet. When you get home, explain it to your wife." That's what it means. But it's really important as spiritual head, as husband, you study the Word of God and take it home. And as she has questions, you give her the answer. That's a responsibility.