Articles by Steve Arterburn
Let’s face it. Adult children are moving back home in droves. In fact, 1 in 3 adult children, ages 25- to 34-years-old, live at home according to a new report from the Census Bureau. Out of the millennials who live at home, 1 in 4 don’t even work or go to school. In other words, 2.2 million millennials live at their parents’ home without making any progress to become an adult.
Elephants weigh up to 15,000 pounds and stand as high as 13 feet tall. Yet, they can be held captive by a single small rope or chain. No doubt, fully-grown elephants could easily break their chains. But since they are chained at such a young age, they grow up in captivity thinking there is no use struggling against their chains.
We have a list of people to blame for our troubles, addictions and dependencies or for every problem we can’t fix. For years, we’ve been saying, “If only he would…..” or, “If only she wouldn’t…” (You can finish these thoughts, right?) We would love to make a fearless, moral inventory of everyone else—that sounds much more doable than making an inventory of ourselves. The thought that we are in some way responsible for our troubles is not only scary, it just seems so wrong. “It’s not my fault—it’s everyone else’s fault.” To begin to take responsibility for our own lives feels like it’s too much. We can’t change the way we think, so our spiritual life dries up and stops.
When you venture out and make connections with new people, you meet all kinds. You likely can’t date every eligible prospect you meet, and you probably don’t want to. So how do you decide who to date, who to engage as a friend only, and from whom you should walk away while muttering under your breath, “No way, Jose!” Sometimes you won’t know the answer until you’ve been around a person once or twice. But you can learn a lot about potential date before you ever go out with them.
My wife and I love to dance! We’re not the greatest dancers, but we dance. If we are in a shopping mall and the music is perfect for a swing and a twirl, then we take a break and dance. We have been known to dance our way to the top of an elevator while people sigh and laugh and say they wish they had someone to dance with. If the music that catches our ear is slow, we will dance slowly. But we love faster tunes where we can twirl and spin under each other’s arms. I fold her into me, and then I spin her out. I lead, she follows, and for a few short moments, the tough realities we face go away. We are each other’s and it is evident we enjoy being a couple.
I find that there is often confusion about the difference between a wall and a boundary. Too often, what people believe is a wall is actually a boundary, and what they believe is a boundary becomes a wall. How do I distinguish between a wall I keep walking into and a boundary that allows me to walk in light and freedom? There are some vital distinctions.