New Life LIVE

New Life: Welcome to the New Life LIVE podcast. We hope to provide help and hope in your life through God's word, counselors, and psychologists as we answer questions from listeners who call with the challenges of life. Let's go to today's episode.

Bryant Perez: No way is it the weekend already! Time just flew by. And look, I see April. Do you see it? It's right over there. Welcome to New Life LIVE. Bryant Perez is my name. What's yours? We'd love to talk to you today. I'm here with clinical psychologist Dr. Alice Benton and the President of New Life Ministries, Becky Brown, who's going to put on her licensed professional clinical counselor hat to share what's under the hat and on her mind. Hey, Becky.

Becky Brown: Hey, Bryant. Hey, Alice. This is not an April Fools', right? We want to learn, and we want to expand our thought processes. One of the things that I think about so many times is when we are talking to callers, they usually present with, "My husband," or "My wife," or "My sister," or "My neighbor," or "My best friend." Then they start to talk about the problem that that person brings into the room.

It's valid. I'm not discounting that people can be problematic. We are very "peoply," and I think a lot of us have that experience. But here's what I want to challenge you with: it's not always the other person. I know that's kind of an ouchy statement, but it really isn't always the other person. You hear us talking about attachment styles here all the time. Attachment styles are not just for couples. It's not just when you're married or in a relationship like husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend.

It really is how we react or respond to the people around us. We all have our own story. We have history. Our challenge is to work on healing it. You'll navigate your relationships better. Wouldn't you like that? That people wouldn't be so difficult for you?

An example: way back in time, I was unaware that anxiety really had a root in my life. The first time I had this awareness was when Milan Yerkovich was presenting How We Love and he talked about being a pleaser or that he was a recovering pleaser. This is the change statement. He said pleasers have an anxious core because they aren't happy unless the other person is happy, or, "If you're okay, then I'm okay."

I had this awareness that I might have some of that. For those of you who know me, you know that I'm not very pleasant always. But I'm a whole lot more pleasant when things are going my way. He began to unwrap the challenges of the pleaser which are really part of that control mechanism. "If I can make you happy, then I'm going to be happy. If I can help you not feel anxious about something, then I'm not going to feel anxious about something."

It's hard when you discover things about yourself that you were just unaware of. But here's the good news: when I had that clarity, I began to seek out what it looks like to have a secure attachment, to have that strong internal fortitude that is not in a reactive stance but can be at peace and have calm.

I want to invite you to do what it takes to become more like Christ, who was a securely attached person. He is the God of all gods. He is the one, the only, that can transform your life. So I'm going to leave you with a Proverbs, Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don't depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you what path to take." It may be that your path is to find secure attachment. We are here to help you. That's what we do every day. Bryant, let's help some people.

Bryant Perez: We have a book called Understanding Your Attachment Style. It's available in the NewLife.com store. All right, we'll be back with your phone calls. Dale and Irene coming up on New Life LIVE.

To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life LIVE. Dale in Denton, Texas, we're going to speak with you in a moment. First here is Irene in Palm Springs, who listens to us on KNLB. Welcome to New Life LIVE, Irene.

Irene: Hi. My life's a mess, and I'm acting out by gambling and running and not dealing with things. I've been doing it for quite a while, and I just keep taking these hits one after another. The only person that I really could talk to just committed suicide this week, so that just topped it off.

I was trying to stop what I'm doing. I kind of had a plan and a date. I was going to quit smoking, quit gambling, and get back to my Christian friends. I don't know why she did it, and she was the only one that I thought could help me. She just committed suicide. I just got your text, and I said, "I really need to call this number. Maybe they can help me."

With gambling, I've been gambling for 20 years. I had a bunch of things happen. I went through a divorce, a bankruptcy, lost everything because my ex-husband was gambling and then I started gambling. Then my daughter had an accident. She had a semi going 65 miles an hour and crippled herself. Then my mother was killed. She was a pedestrian crossing the street and got hit by a car.

Then my father had a stroke, and I had to take care of him. He couldn't eat anymore. He was on a feeding tube. I've had all these horrible challenges. I kind of got through all the things when they were happening, but after, I think because I kind of isolated myself with all this stuff, and I really have no friends. I found myself going to the casinos and getting really hooked on the adrenaline escape, the social part of it. But it's just been so self-destructive that if I don't stop, I'm going to lose more. I'm at the point of losing my home right now if I don't straighten out. I'm way behind on all my bills, everything. I just feel horrible. I don't know what to do.

Alice Benton: Irene, I don't think it was a text just from us. I think it was a text from God in a way that He knows you're so alone and that you just lost your one friend you can confide in. To lose her to suicide just ripped apart that last semblance of hope and a bond and stability that you had in your life.

You responded to God's nudge to reach out to strangers, and we don't want to be strangers. We want to become a family for you. You reached out to us. I'm so proud of you that you contacted us. Irene, tell me, why did you take care of your dad when he had that stroke?

Irene: I didn't want him to be alone in a nursing home. I just wanted to kind of bond with him at the end and do what I could to help. He didn't understand the language. He was an immigrant from Ukraine. The war in Ukraine is another thing that's going on with me. The war and all the destruction, watching the news and everything. I'm just overwhelmed with the world. I'm just overwhelmed.

Alice Benton: Irene, it stands out to me that although you're so overwhelmed and life is falling apart, you chose to care for your father. I would guess that you've also cared for your daughter after her horrific accident that left her crippled. The reason I'm pointing this out, Irene, is because the enemy wants to take you out, put you out of commission by keeping you gambling and keeping you really gambling away your life, gambling away your home.

An Irene that is so overwhelmed is no longer able to help and serve other people. That's what the enemy wants you to do. He wants to kill, steal, and destroy. Yet he has not been able to extinguish that heart you have to give and to serve. You sound to me like a very savvy woman. You know what your traumas are, and you know what's keeping you back. So you are so ripe to take that step into your plan, but the enemy attacked yet again, wanting to hold you back from your good plan that you had. I hope you'll let us help you solidify that plan, Irene, because two things you probably know you absolutely need: you need to remember that you have a purpose, you have talent, and your talents are to serve. This gambling problem is too big for you to tackle on your own. You also need loving people who will help support you, help hold you accountable, and help draw that real true Irene that we know you to be back out again. That's the path forward. What do you think, Irene?

Irene: Yeah, I need help. I've been looking for help for a long time. There's not a lot of help with this thing. It's incredible. I wish they'd just shut all those places down because I see people destroying themselves all the time. It's a very destructive thing. It could take somebody out in one day.

Becky Brown: Irene, in every addiction or every addictive behavior, the person who's involved has found a solution to a deeper problem. The gambling seems like the problem, but in actuality, it's become a solution for you to escape the hard, difficult places that you've experienced in your life. I know that sounds really weird, but that's what people do when they drink. It's what people do when they use sex or porn. It's the escape part of it.

Yet there's reality waiting for you on the other side, and that's what you're feeling right now. Number one, I would say you said life's a mess, and when life's a mess, it can feel overwhelming. Our first step forward is to start naming, and you have a pretty clear indication about what's going on inside of you. I want to suggest that you go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting today. If you go to GamblersAnonymous.org, you're going to find one and it could be online. But I just want you to just go. You don't have to do anything except for just go.

I also want to connect you with one of our New Life Recovery groups. You're going to find that as you connect with people, you're going to get a little bit of that mess cleaned out a little bit at a time. Right now you're dealing with grief, and that may be something that you've been through too much. Trauma too. You've listed so many things that you've been through, so it makes sense to me.

But here's one thing I'm going to tell you not to quit today, and I know you're going to think I'm strange for saying this, but don't quit smoking right now. The listening audience is probably going, "Becky, what are you talking about? It's so terrible." But Irene, if you do that right now, it's going to be too much.

Irene: No, I actually got a call from a counselor at Kick It. I called Kick It, and they sent me patches and I had a quit date. I told her I can't right now, so she told me to call back when I'm ready. I'm just not ready right now. I'm defeating myself.

Becky Brown: Right. Well, but here's the thing about mess. When life becomes a mess, we feel like we're buried in it. Then we think, "Okay, all I need to do is quit this, stop that, do this, the other thing," and guess what that does? It gets us stuck. I want to invite you into one thing at a time.

Gamblers Anonymous would be a great first step. We'll get you connected with a New Life group that can help you even process the grief. There's so much grief that you're carrying that you are not even aware of. It's not even just your friend's loss, but it's dealing with wartime, dealing with loss of loved ones. All of those things add up in our life. But I love what Alice pointed out in you. You have a tender heart for those people that you do love, and you do care for, and you will take the risk to step into those difficult situations. The good news is today is the first day of the rest of your life. In honor of your friend who couldn't see her way through, I want you to step into your new life and step into what God has for you, Irene. You are not without hope.

Irene: I miss her so much. I can't call her anymore. It's horrible.

Becky Brown: And you know what she would say to you? She would say to you, "Irene, do what you can to get the help and the freedom that you need and that you deserve."

Irene: Yeah, I need to work on this. I know it's going to take a long time to get out of it.

Alice Benton: Right, so let's start today. It's just one phone call at a time. You made the call to us. Notice that Kick It called you. We texted you. There's a lie circling in your mind that there's not a lot of help for this. You said that to us. I'm so delighted to tell you there's so much help for you and what you're going through.

But you know, it takes the work of getting connected to the help, making those appointments, and showing up. Whether it's your local church, whether it's going to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting like Becky said, and even hanging on the line right now so we can connect you with a counselor. God is trying to connect you to help. Do not believe the lie that there's not a lot of help for this. There is a diverse amount of help for what you are going through, and you already took that right step by talking to us.

Bryant Perez: Irene, thanks for calling us today here on New Life LIVE. We're going to put a link in the show notes to the GamblersAnonymous.org. We've also got an article on NewLife.com that we'll put in the show notes too. It's called Three Steps to Getting a Grip on a Gambling Addiction. Irene, thanks for calling today. Let's talk to Dale in Denton, Texas. This is Dale's first time learning about New Life LIVE. Thank you so much, Dale, for calling in today.

Dale: Absolutely. First of all, let me say I appreciate being able to listen through your other callers. As a first-time listener, first-time caller, it's been a blessing to actually be able to drive through and be tuning through the dial and find you all. I am super excited after listening to you all to look up your NewLife.com and grab some resources and be able to utilize them. I appreciate whoever takes care of that financially, and I hope that I can do my share.

I would love some advice. I recently lost my father about three weeks ago. My mother passed away several years ago, and my father was a generous, wonderful, super Christian. He raised four children miraculously. We turned out to be super. He did everything he could for us. As a truck driver, we give up a lot out here in life back home. I got the call three weeks ago that he was going to pass away, and I probably had enough time to get back and say goodbye. As I'm traveling back, I get the news that he had passed away, so I'm a little upset with God about it.

But at the same time, I found out one of my siblings has been stealing from him after he passed. I understand as Christians we're all going to have our stumbles and falls, but I've always walked as a strong man and loved the authority that God gave me to support and care for my family. But I feel like in this, I've fell out of the yoke with God. I can't feel Him. I can't feel like He's there to support me in it. I don't know the direction to turn. I don't know what to do with my really getting a hardened heart, and I don't want to address it in that manner. But I feel anger, I feel hurt, I feel embarrassed.

There's so much that's going on with my emotions that I don't want to approach it and it be of me only because I know for a fact if I turn as a man, I'm going to act as a man. I don't want to do anything that would harden my heart even further, destroy relationships. I guess I'm just asking for some guidance in what I should do to address it and not allow my heart to be hardened and try to salvage relationships out of it, keep them. At the same time, I'm thinking of her relationship with God. I don't want to destroy that or run her away from God. I just feel like I can't find God in this as much as I understand scripture and know where to go. I just don't know an answer. I feel very lost in it.

Becky Brown: That's because you can't see God right now because you've experienced betrayal. Betrayal upends everything that we thought was true. You started the call with, "My dad raised us all right. We're great kids." I love that you have that pride with your dad and just your childhood because we don't hear that all the time. But that's the reason why you're having these strong feelings against someone who you've loved your whole life, and you cannot believe that they would do this. Does that sound about right?

Dale: Absolutely. I just do not understand it whatsoever.

Becky Brown: What happens in betrayal is it starts to cause us to question everything, not just the betrayal itself. "I thought this was different about them," or "I thought our family was united. I thought we could trust each other." Now I find out that we cannot. I love that you are aware of your reactivity, that you just want to go set the record straight, but then you know that there's going to be repercussions from that. Do you have connection with your other siblings on this subject, or is it just you experiencing this on your own?

Dale: No, we've all—the other three—have discussed it and they've kind of turned to me because being the youngest of the four, I tend to address things in a loving manner more than the anger side of things like my older siblings would do as they're picking up the role of Mom and Dad throughout our life. They've kind of dropped it in my plate to try to figure out a solution or how to address it, and I'm totally lost.

Becky Brown: I'm going to give you a couple of suggestions and let Alice tell you her wisdom. Dale, sometimes the feelings get confused with what needs to be done. The number one thing I would say is you need to seek legal help to lock down whatever is left of the trust or their finances as you work through the estate.

It's so overwhelming you don't know what she's done. But for the time being, because he just passed, there's going to be things in the future that are going to come up. Then allow yourself to be sad that this has happened, but then also be able to get connected with a therapist that can have a family session including the sibling that betrayed all of your trust to get clear.

We've worked with so many people over the years who've experienced betrayal on lots of different things—not just financial, but also sexual betrayal with spouses. We know that it doesn't get fixed really quickly, but we do know that there is redemption possible. So in those moments where you're struggling with "I don't know what to do," we're going to do one step at a time, and you want to get good, solid advice to go forward with how you respond to the sibling.

Alice Benton: Dale, I want to understand better your anger towards God. It certainly would make sense to me that He let this happen. He let your dad pass before you were able to return. Is there more to your anger with God that you could explain to us?

Dale: In all honesty, we grew up very biblical with the understanding of following Christ our whole life, and I haven't been let down ever by God. At this point, I really feel like I have lost my complete yoke with Him, and being in loss in this, I just feel like I've lost my yoke aside Him. I can't feel Him. I don't know where He's at.

Alice Benton: That makes sense that He just seems to have disappeared from your life whereas He has been so present and He's taken good care of you before. Maybe this is one of the most difficult first traumas that you have been through because you've had such a good family. We'll come back with more help and suggestions.

Bryant Perez: We do have to come to our break now, Dale, but stay on the phone and we'll continue talking to you for a few more minutes here on New Life LIVE.

Becky Brown: Hello, it's Becky Brown. I am so excited to launch our 99 for the 1 partner initiative. Every day we hear from people all over the world who are looking for hope. They've been lost in a relationship struggle, addiction, anxiety, depression—all kinds of ways. It reminds us of the story in Luke 15 where the shepherd leaves the 99 to go rescue the one. You know, we've seen God work in the lives of so many people over the years here at New Life, and we want to invite you to be part of what God is doing. 99 for the 1 is our partner program that you can give to the ministry on a monthly basis to make sure that we continue to reach out to the lost. Call 1-800-NEW-LIFE or newlife.com/99for1.

Bryant Perez: In case you've just joined us, this is New Life LIVE. I'm Bryant Perez here with Becky Brown and Dr. Alice Benton. Right before the break, Alice asked Dale a question. Dale's our caller. Dale, you were explaining how much you feel like you've fallen out of yoke with God. I wanted to add some other questions about your sister. Is this completely out of character for her that she would steal?

Dale: Absolutely. Yes.

Alice Benton: And what has she stolen? Do you know?

Dale: Well, we wasn't aware of any of it to be honest until the hospital contacted us and said that items were missing out of his wallet and some cash had been removed. Then they showed us video of her removing it. Then parts of the estate, the names on the estate have been changed, as well as some of his belongings have already been removed from his premises. It seems to be all the more expensive rather collected items over the years that were intended for different people and even some of the items he put back to have donated to churches and things of that nature. A lot of that stuff is already missing.

Alice Benton: How shocking and so unsettling that this upright Christian sister of yours would do these things. I think none of you have been able to talk with her directly about it yet to confront or to ask questions?

Dale: No, because we've been trying to honestly allow the entire family to mourn as much as possible, but it seems to be it's been very difficult to even get past the thoughts of this to even turn to a mourning position.

Alice Benton: There are a couple things I hope you will do, Dale. One is to give yourself permission to be angry with God and to speak out that anger, hopefully in the company of a safe person—perhaps your wife if you're married or someone that you trust. As Christians, it's easy for us to think we're not supposed to be angry at God, we're supposed to have peace in all situations and just be fine with what happens no matter how bad it is.

But the Bible gives us strong examples of Jesus himself questioning God and of David saying, "God, where are you? I need you. Why haven't you shown up yet?" It's okay to be mad at God and it's okay to express it, and we need to in order to be able to work through it.

Then I want to caution you: although it seems so clear that your sister is stealing and making illegal maneuvers, I would get curious first and I would ask if she would give some explanations about how she's been managing his estate. If she's the main one who was caring for him, perhaps she and your dad came to some understandings that the rest of you are not aware of. Perhaps she's justified taking these things because she spent so much time with him. She served him in these different ways.

It wouldn't make it right, but there may be a story behind why she's done this, especially because she's been a woman of such good character your entire life. So be cautious not to stand in the assumption that she's doing something malicious here, although you may come to the conclusion that she is. But getting gently curious first can bring some surprising results and explanation to the surface. I'd also have you and your siblings consider bringing a trusted pastor into the conversation before taking legal action against her. Consulting with an attorney about what to do, what's the best way to go about this, would help inform you of what to ask of your sister and how to address this. But God really wants us to take steps amongst ourselves before going the route of bringing the court to bear against her, but you may have to eventually. Tell us, how are our suggestions affecting you? What are you thinking and what are you feeling?

Dale: I just honestly got a peace, just this total peace over me when you said to get curious first because there has to be an explanation. This cannot be of her. I understand Christians make mistakes and we have our issues, but this would be just completely out of character. To bring in a pastor, that is amazing right there because I have just been so torn in how to go forward with this with it not having to be legal, with it not just going straight to something. That just eases a whole lot of the thoughts that have been swirling up in my head as I drive down these roads of "I really don't want to have to go through this and take it to a legal situation and the whole family be involved and then generations be affected and then even just her trust in us as well as her to question God."

Bryant Perez: I'm glad you brought that last part up because I did want to ask you, Dale, because you did say that you were afraid that you would push her from the Lord, which anybody listening might be thinking, "Well, wait a minute. She's in the wrong, allegedly. Why would you be afraid of that?"

Dale: It mainly has to do with my belief that I truly believe as a Christian that we should deal with each other in a Christian manner. I really believe in the biblical standards of going to one another and if not, bringing another in as a witness and trying to work it out amongst ourselves and try to keep it in a Christian belief in a Christian manner before the rest of the world sees just how ugly Christians can be or can become. I feel like as Christians we often turn the rest of the world away from Christ in our own actions, and in understanding that, I feel like I could be the one that maybe could deter her from continuing her walk with God. That's the last thing—I could care less about any financial gains if it meant that I would cause my own sister to stumble on her walk.

Becky Brown: I want to encourage you, Dale, as you're driving down the road, I want you to talk to God in that cab. You can talk out loud, you can just process everything that we've just talked about, but give it some space. I think a lot of times when you are trying to process it within yourself, that's the reason why you called today.

So I'm grateful that you have had a sense of peace as you continue to move forward. Alice, the comment about getting curious is so on point because we need to get curious, not furious, and that's what Dale was calling about. He didn't want to get furious. He wanted to understand how did this happen. I also think you're guarding your father's legacy, Dale, that his family will stay intact and connected. Far too many families don't experience that after the death of their patriarch or matriarch.

Alice Benton: If your sister eventually does admit or you find out that she did take these things and did steal them, you might also let her know: "I don't want to take legal action, and so if you'll return them or if you'll return the value of them if she's already gotten rid of them, we may be able to avoid legal action if you'll make this right amongst the siblings." So you have a variety of options before you, Dale, and we can hear how much you just want to do God's will and God's way. Even though you feel like you've fallen out of yoke with Him, you're acting like you're fully yoked with the Lord.

Dale: Thank you all. I really appreciate it. Again, it was a blessing that I was tuning in on just turning the dials and trying to hear God, and that's honestly what I've been trying to do and you all just happened to come across and I was like, "Well, this is very interesting. I cannot wait to listen to this show."

Bryant Perez: Dale, don't hang up. There's an article on NewLife.com that could help anybody who's in a situation like this too. It's called Feeling Disconnected from God. We're going to put that there in our show notes. We really appreciate hearing from Dale and his honesty and just being open about how this has hit him and he's just wondering what happened. Why is God letting me down? But like we said, when we feel that way, we do have a God that's big enough that we can take these things to Him and just express our doubts, express our frustrations. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Becky Brown: No, there's nothing wrong at all, and we want to encourage that all the time. We believe in the body of Christ and that is each of us. As Dale's telling his story, I know that there are that many more listeners out there hearing, "Hey, that's my story too, and I thought that I was all by myself." God is a God of second chances. He is a redeeming God, and He sees us in our pits and our struggles and our frustrations and invites us into a walk with Him. Some of the best prayers are, "Lord, help," or "Show me how, Lord." That's one of my favorites, and just to lean in knowing that He loves you, He cares for you, and there is a way of hope, and that's what we look forward to.

Alice Benton: It's a battle to believe He will never leave you nor forsake you. When you know that in your head but you can't feel it in the heart, it means you need human comfort to help stand in the gap until you can feel God again because He is there. Dale, great hearing from you. We hope to hear from you again soon. It's time to take another break. We'll be right back here on New Life LIVE. Thanks so much for joining us today. Thanks for praying for everybody who calls in to their dark times of despair.

Bryant Perez: To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life LIVE.

Bryant Perez: Whatever you are facing, whether it's betrayal, addiction, grief, codependency, you don't have to do recovery alone. Life Recovery Groups connect you with a Christ-centered 12-step community using the Life Recovery Bible and proven tools for lasting change. Across the country and online, men and women are finding honest conversation, accountability, and hope one day at a time. To find a Life Recovery group near you or online, visit NewLife.com and click on groups.

Earlier today, we took a call and I wanted to address something really quick. It was Irene who called in. She's the one that had the gambling addiction and she had so much going on, including the loss of a friend of hers through suicide. I just felt like we need to talk about that a little bit because so often we talk about suicide, we tell people, "Oh, don't do it because you're going to leave people behind that really care for you." Yet people are in such despair that they feel there's nothing left for me here. But now Irene is living with this and I don't know, I just want to offer hope to people who are going through something similar thinking that they have nothing to offer. I think you do.

Becky Brown: I heard an equation years ago that said suicide is an action, it's not a feeling. It's a permanent action to a temporary problem. For the person who may feel like things are never going to get better and there's no way to improve, their thinking is to end the pain. "This is going to be my choice."

But what I would say instead, I want you to think about the feeling and know that there is an answer. There are people that care for you, and we would encourage you to call the suicide hotline at 988, and I think that's a national number. Just have the conversation.

I also know Kay Warren has done a lot of work on this subject because of the loss of their son. I remember her saying once that it gets so hard when you're the loved one of someone who's dealing with these invasive thoughts, that you just don't know what else you can do. I would encourage you: if you are the loved one of someone who struggles with these thoughts, do whatever you can do to get them help. I know it feels so risky to ask somebody, "Are you thinking of hurting yourself?" but it could be the very thing that keeps them alive. There are so many resources that we can help people find that will give them hope, give them life, so that their story can be one that helps other people who may feel in that desperate way.

Alice Benton: Becky, many of the people that I have worked with who struggle with suicidal thoughts, they've come to believe such an insidious deception: "They'll be better off without me. I am such a burden to my family that taking my own life would solve a problem for them. They'll be better off." Yet I've also worked with families whose loved one did take their life, and that devastation never ends. Every holiday, every Facebook memory photo that comes up again, every street they pass that they used to drive down together is a reminder of the person that they have lost. I have heard over and over again, "I would so much rather have them, even if they were still struggling, I would rather have them than to have lost them." It is a lie that your family will be better off without you if you take your life.

Becky Brown: It's an interesting thought too, Alice, when you think about the insidiousness of the lie and how there are many people who are struggling and their loved ones don't even know that that's part of it. They don't even know that that's what's going on inside of their heads. There are lots of social media posts that will say "Check on your quiet friends." You may not know what struggle they are dealing with that they're not ready to share.

But I invite you: if you are struggling with those insidious thoughts, it could be a game changer. Your life will change just by asking someone to listen. A lot of times we don't want the solution, we just want to have a space where we can be heard and seen, and it can make all the difference in your life. I know that things are real hard for you if this is part of your internal dialogue, but there are people that do love you and do care for you. God has a plan and a purpose for your life. If you've experienced some horrific things—and we have heard stories, I mean this is the work that we do—but we know that there is a way out and a way that brings life to you and doesn't end your life.

Alice Benton: Asking, "Have you felt suicidal lately? How are you doing with those thoughts?" That's a terrifying question to ask. A lot of people think, "If I ask it and they're not having those thoughts, aren't I doing more harm by bringing it up?" But it is actually—it's therapeutic to ask, it's therapeutic to be asked. It's usually a relief that there's now permission to talk about it and to bring it out into the open. So ask that question.

Becky Brown: And then follow it up with: "If you get to that place, will you promise me, make a contract with me, that you will not hurt yourself? That you will make a phone call? That you will reach out to me, text somebody?" That can be scary too, Alice, but it's something that can make a difference in the life of someone. I know that there are so many obstacles to getting help. We hear it all the time. But the biggest obstacle many times is our own ability just to say, "Help me. I need to talk to somebody." We have so many things inside of our head that says, "I can't ask because," or "I should have figured this out by now," or "It'll never change." There's all these objections to actually getting to the help that we need. What I want to say is take the risk forward. Saying, "I want to get help. I don't want to feel this way anymore." You can start by calling 1-800-NEW-LIFE or you can call 988 if you are dealing with suicidal thoughts. We want to get you the help that you need.

Bryant Perez: And I would say too: before you ask your friend, "Hey, is everything okay?" maybe just pray. Just a really quick prayer just for the Lord to prepare you for what you're about to hear. Because yeah, your friend really may not be going through anything, but what if they are? You may not be prepared to listen if you're running late to a meeting or something. That would be the worst thing to say to someone.

Becky Brown: That's a great perspective, Bryant, because I think Alice and I are in the helping profession. We're trained to hear whatever comes our way. But you're right. If you're not used to hearing some of the stories that we hear, that we have been witness to, it can feel overwhelming like you have to have an answer.

What I would say—and I do trainings on this with pastoral candidates as well as ministerial laypeople—is you are not alone in receiving the words from somebody who's in struggle. You can connect with help. This isn't all on you to hear the story. But like you said, don't ask if you've got like 30 seconds and you really don't want to know what the answer is. Find a time to really connect. In this day and age, it's really important to have those conversations where we have a little bit of time just to connect with one another, and we want to see that happen more.

Bryant Perez: All this week, so many people have contacted us because they're overwhelmed with addiction, broken marriages, depression, confusion, and more. It's our monthly partners that make it possible for us to respond immediately, not hesitate or wonder if resources are available. When you become a 99 for the 1 partner, your monthly support sends biblical teaching over the airwaves, funds scholarships, and multiplies stories of marriages restored, addictions broken, and lives renewed. Don't just listen to life change; be part of it. Join our 99 for the 1 partners today at NewLife.com. Every monthly gift helps this ministry. Call 1-800-NEW-LIFE or go to NewLife.com. God bless you guys. We'll see you at church on Sunday and talk to you again on Monday on New Life LIVE.

New Life: Thanks so much for listening. We hope something you heard will help you live in freedom today. If this content was helpful for you, we would love it if you would take a minute, leave a review, post about it, and rate it. Remember, we have resources and workshops online for you as you continue your journey. Go to NewLife.com to find more information. Thank you for being part of the New Life community. We know that God desires all of us to live a life of wholeness and healing, and we're so glad that you're here.