New Life LIVE

New Life: Welcome to the New Life Live podcast. We hope to provide help and hope in your life through God's Word, counselors, and psychologists as we answer questions from listeners who call with the challenges of life. Let's go to today's episode.

Brian: If this morning you tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen to pour yourself a cup of ambition, it's time to stretch for your phone and call New Life Live. Okay, no more cheesy song references for the rest of the hour. I promise. Well, maybe I shouldn't promise.

Anyway, welcome to New Life Live. I'm Brian, joined for the next two hours by licensed professional clinical counselor and president of New Life Ministries, it's Becky Brown, as well as clinical psychologist Dr. Alice Benton. And here's the number to get some real ambition for the next two hours: 1-800-229-3000. Dr. Alice, what's on your mind to start us off today?

Dr. Alice Benton: Brian, Becky, I had the pleasure of talking with a wise woman recently, and she has suffered mightily in her life. Her husband continues to choose infidelity and substance use over his wife and over sobriety, so they're separated. Her children disapprove of her politics and her faith, and so they are estranged from her.

And yet she has a sunny disposition 90% of the time. I asked her how? Why? Why do you even still believe when it seems like God has not intervened to save you from so much suffering, even though you've been a faithful Christian your entire life?

She said there are a few things that have helped me through this. She happens to be a listener to New Life and she doesn't just listen, she practices what she hears. She said there are two biblical promises that have carried her through all the pain. One is the promise that we can learn to be content, no matter what the situation is. And the other pairs with it: that God will work all things for the good for those who believe in Him.

She clings to these. She speaks these promises aloud over herself and her situation. She claims them on a daily basis. She told me she speaks them out loud, even though she's known them for years, because it helps her to believe them when she gets overwhelmed and feels like nothing is going her way.

She suffers from chronic pain, and so she can't even move freely. She's pretty impaired. She even has to live with friends. She doesn't have family who will take her in, so she lives with church friends. And she told me, even though none of this is according to my plan and I don't want my life to be this way, maybe God is protecting me.

"From what?" I asked her. She said, "Well, I was very self-sufficient when things were going my way and I claimed the credit for it. And so maybe God has used all this loss and suffering to help me become dependent in a healthy way on Him and on other people."

She also told me that a saying from an author, Dennis Prager, really helped her. He says that bad mood is like bad breath. And if we impose our bad breath on the people around us, it will really hurt relationships over time. But she said, "I don't even like to have bad breath. I feel icky when I haven't cleaned my mouth. And so I don't always feel this sunny disposition you see in me, but I choose it because I can't stand living miserably. And so I have to choose better than I feel."

The last thing I'll share is that she also takes as much care of her body as she possibly can. She does chair exercises because she cannot stand for long on her feet. And so I want to challenge myself and our audience: which one step that she takes have you forgotten to take?

Which reminder do you need? Because I'm sure you're facing misery and suffering like she is. Will you choose one of these things so that you can claim God's promise and extract some good from what seems like there's no good at all?

Brian: I'm sure many people out there watching and listening needed to hear what you just said, Alice. In fact, we've got a phone call coming up from Will in Canada, and I think this might have hit home. So Will, we're going to talk to you when we come back here on New Life Live. Everyone else, we will be here for two hours today at 1-800-229-3000.

To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life Live.

A new episode of the Every Man's Battle podcast dropped today. In it, JJ West and Doug Barnes talk directly to two audiences at once: younger men who need guidance and older men who need to step into the calling of mentoring the next generation. They examine why so many younger men lack mentors and how that leaves them confused about relationships and values.

They also uncover why older men often underestimate how much they have to offer. You can find today's episode at newlife.com, on our YouTube channel, on our app, or wherever you get your podcasts. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call in today to New Life Live. Let's go right to the phones, beginning with Will, who is in Ontario, Canada, listens to us on Sirius XM channel 131. Welcome, Will, to New Life Live.

Will: Good morning, thanks for taking my call. I've been trying to get through for a little while, but my main question is I wonder, I feel like my heart's turning to stone as I get older. I'm 66 now. I don't know if it's because I've had a diagnosis from my abuse and different things that happened going on, and I'm kind of dealing with my dad.

I just can't feel my Heavenly Father. I believe, I've been a Christian for years, but I hear people say, you pray and God will speak to your spirit or speak to you through scripture and stuff like that. I don't feel anything, if you know what I mean.

Brian: Becky, what would you say to Will?

Becky Brown: Well, you said that this has been building over a while. How long would you say that this feeling has been present for you?

Will: I'm 66 now. Probably the last five years have been the worst. I grew up, I was diagnosed with CPTSD and chronic pain and fibromyalgia and stuff. I've kind of dealt with that through a little bit of CBT therapy and whatnot, and it seemed to work for a long time. But the last five years, I'm lost.

Becky Brown: Has there been a change though, Will, in the last five years that you can pinpoint?

Will: I suppose we had to, I had to take an extra job to make ends meet. We have no retirement. I was young and dumb, had a child early and wasn't prepared. And with my health and the way I feel, I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

Becky Brown: The reason why I asked that though, Will, is there is, we can always trace back when we sit for just a minute and go: what changed? You're under a lot of pressure. Your age certainly can add to that. You may be dealing with some depression that's been undiagnosed, but it reminds me of what Alice was talking about in the opening as she explained there's a woman who's got all the things going on. You've got a lot going on and you're feeling the pressure.

The challenge that we face in times like this is not to resist going to God with those needs, those wants, those hurts, those pains, but actually to lean into it. When you started with "I feel like my heart is turning to stone," I thought of that passage in Ezekiel 36:26 where it says, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

We get that through asking God, "God, show me where you are. How can I feel you again?" But I also think it can be helpful to talk with a therapist. It can also be helpful to be in a group. You hear us talk about these things a lot as far as community. I don't know, are you doing either of those? Have you talked with a therapist or gone to groups?

Will: I had a therapist for a while. I had to let her go some years ago because I took a job on the shores of Lake Erie and I'm basically security and I can't leave the premises for any more than four hours. I'm an hour from the nearest city.

Becky Brown: Well, the good thing is, Will, there are telehealth options now that in those four hours where you might be off of work that you can lean into that. But I think what happens a lot of times when we're having this feeling, every step can feel overwhelming. And that's what you were talking about, isn't it, Alice?

Dr. Alice Benton: Yes, Will. I was thinking that my children were asking me to blow up a balloon for them and they wanted it bigger and bigger and bigger. I thought: you all better stop asking me to blow because we know what's going to happen, the whole balloon is going to blow. Well, of course it did.

That's the kind of pressure you're under. You are overloaded and you're under-assisted. You're stretched too thin, and it feels like something's going to crack, something's going to give, you might blow. Is that right?

Will: Yeah, I'm either on the verge of tears or getting ready to swing a two-by-four. It's just me and my spouse. I have friends and stuff, of course they're a long way away.

Brian: It might be good, Will, to let those tears fall. It might be good just to let them fall because you're holding in a lot of things. That's where the community is so helpful as well, just to have somebody. If you were to put a word to the tears, what would it be?

Will: Regret. It's like grief. I didn't make hay when the sun was shining in my first some life or otherwise and it's almost too late. I guess I feel alone. I feel like my prayers are going off the ceiling.

Becky Brown: And Will, because you regret choices you made, I think you don't believe you deserve help. You might be right. None of us really deserve help, and especially if we've wasted time or we were irresponsible at some point in our life. But as you know, you're at the edge of swinging a two-by-four one of these days.

I'm sure you probably wouldn't follow through with it, but you're having some violent or aggressive urges because it's too much. Life is too much. God's solution to "too much" is letting tears flow with people that love us and care about us. It is starting to get needy and asking your church, asking your friends, asking your spouse for some of the help you need.

That help might be: "Wife, I need a hug. I need to cry on your shoulder." It might be, "I need a nap." It might be, "Church, I really need some financial help right now. We are spread too thin and we're not making ends meet." Will, it's so hard to ask for help, especially when you don't deserve it. But that is what the Christian message is all about.

Will: I know. My dad was supposedly a Christian, but I don't get along with men at all. It's hard to talk with a male counselor. Most pastors are men. I just don't get on a heart level with too many people because I feel like I'm not allowed. Like my dad says, "Be seen not heard," "Speak when you're spoken to," and so on. All those things are coming back. I thought I dealt with all that years ago.

Becky Brown: Will, I think you know you're letting all these reasons, which are legitimate, but you're letting them hold you back from getting help. I think your mind must keep going through all these justifications for why you shouldn't get help: you don't deserve it, you don't get along with men.

I don't doubt those things are true, but until you're willing to do whatever it takes to get this load shared with some other people, you're going to be teetering on the edge of swinging the two-by-four. We don't want you there.

We have a saying in recovery that says, "Be willing to be willing." I love that your name is Will, and so you're almost there. But also I want to invite you, I want to give you a registration to our upcoming webinar this week called "Understanding Your Attachment Style." I think that you are going to get insight into why some of these regrets keep popping up for you and to get some resolution and be where your feet are today.

The regret of "I should have done more," should-a, could-a, would-a, a lot of us have those struggles. Today you have an opportunity to go from here forward. It's not simple, but the willingness to be willing to do something will change your future in a very good way.

Dr. Alice Benton: Becky, when people say they can't feel God, I usually wonder: do you have enough people around you that you're letting your guard down and talking to? God meets us through the hands and feet of other people. People are supposed to be God's hands and feet.

If you can't hear Him, Will, it's because you're not talking to enough other people in the way you're talking to us right now. So let us connect you with a counselor again. It's worked for you before, in a place where you can get vulnerable. It's okay if it needs to be a female counselor.

Brian: Becky, do you think our online course "Take Your Life Back" would be good for Will as well?

Becky Brown: Absolutely, I think that would be a great option. We have to be willing to look at things that maybe we have tried before but we were in a different space of life. I just can't encourage you enough, Will, to be willing to do whatever it takes to not get stuck.

A lot of times in depression our thoughts get really dark really fast. We need other people to go, "Will, you can do this. You can do this. And here are some handlebars to grab onto as you make this journey." That's what we want to help you with. Talking with your primary care physician about an antidepressant might help release some of the energy you need in your body to make these next steps. So please consider that as well.

Will: Absolutely. Thank you very much. I'm looking forward to looking at this "Take Your Life Back" and this whatever "understanding thing" you were talking about.

Brian: "Understanding Your Attachment Style." We'll look forward to seeing you there too, Will. It's this Thursday. Stay on the phone, Will, and we'll sign you up. Registration on us. Everyone else, you can sign up too. Go to newlife.com or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE or text the word WEBINAR to 28950.

Text us and we will text you back a sign-up link and a tip sheet on understanding your attachment style. This webinar is hosted by Becky and it'll be presented by our friend Mark Cameron, who wrote the book *Understanding Your Attachment Style*.

We talk about it all the time here on New Life Live, and this will help you gain real insight into why you navigate life the way you do. If you're thinking, "Well, I know why I do it, it's because I've been doing this all my life, I was born like this," but it doesn't have to be like this. Join us this Thursday, 7:00 PM Central Time.

If you can't be there this Thursday for whatever reason, if you've already made plans, sign up anyway because you will get a link after the webinar and you can watch the webinar anytime in the seven days after. These patterns, Becky, they do form early in life and they quietly shape how we handle closeness, conflict, and emotional safety. That's why the same relationship patterns keep repeating. Now, this is for everyone as you said, Becky. It's not just married people or anything.

Becky Brown: Right, and I want to make that so clear because a lot of times we think when we're talking about attachment style, we're just talking about couples. We are not. You are in many different relationships. You have siblings, you have children, you have neighbors.

Guess what? You're the common denominator in all of those relationships. If there's a struggle or if you don't really understand why you can't connect with somebody, this webinar is going to be so helpful for you to see yourself in a new and different way.

It'll start to make sense why you do the things you do or why your relationships may not be as deep and connected as you want them to be. Mark does a great job in this book, but also as he will lead us in this discussion, but we want you to be there.

If you're concerned about being seen on the webinar, you're not going to be seen, but we will hear you. We'll give you an opportunity to ask questions, and Mark does an incredible job. I hope you'll join us on Thursday night.

Brian: Text the word WEBINAR to 28950 and we'll see you this Thursday. We'll be right back.

To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life Live.

Let's go to Gary in Goldendale, Washington, who listens to us on KSOH. Welcome, Gary, to New Life Live. Thanks for calling 1-800-229-3000. You're here with Dr. Alice Benton and Becky Brown. What's going on?

Gary: I'm just heartbroken because my 45-year-old son has just shut me out probably for 20 years now. He and his wife got hooked up with a group of people who were advocating keeping feasts. My son and his wife both just love the Lord with all their hearts. But they got hooked up with this group.

Out of a clear blue sky, I mean we have spent so much time with them, they live a long way from us, but we have always tried to be together and do things together. But just all of a sudden, out of a clear blue sky, we got this big letter and it said we do not celebrate Christmas anymore, we do not want any Christmas presents at all, and we just want you to kind of forget about that.

From then on, it's just gotten further and further and further into distance, just distance and no talking. I write letters to my son, telling him I'm so sorry if I've made mistakes that are the problem. I apologize. Then I've decided lately just to start writing letters and just letting him know what's going on in my life and in the life of his mother and his siblings. But nothing, just nothing.

Dr. Alice Benton: Gary, does he keep in touch with any of the rest of the family?

Gary: No. He will not talk to anybody else in the family.

Dr. Alice Benton: How mysterious and painful. As you had so much communication with him previously, was there ever a significant rupture before that letter?

Gary: Not that I know of. I can't imagine any of my kids saying that I was a difficult dad to grow up with. I just can't imagine them saying that.

Dr. Alice Benton: It really seems to stem from this strange group and this sudden decision to no longer celebrate Christmas because there's no pertinent history that clarifies why your son took this step. After you all got that letter, how did you respond to the letter and how did you handle Christmas with him?

Gary: Well, obviously we quit sending them Christmas gifts and Christmas cards. We went up there, well I went up there by myself, and actually made contact and we had breakfast together and we talked, but it was really uncomfortable. There was just this barrier of some kind that had happened.

Becky Brown: Well, that makes sense, Gary, if you got a letter saying we're done with all of this and we don't want to talk about it, then when you see each other face to face, it is awkward. It surely is awkward. Gary, are they part of a church—and I'm using that word loosely—that advocates for these changes in their life?

Gary: Well, of course they've associated with these keepers in various ways. But I'll tell you what: my daughter-in-law is an extremely gifted woman. She is amazing. I love her with all my heart. But she is a person who wants to be in the center, who wants to lead. She tries, and she has a website, and she tries to get people to come and join them for feasts and...

Becky Brown: Okay, okay. The challenge that you have then, Gary, is this is the life that your son and daughter-in-law have chosen, and it's heartbreaking. It's like what you said when you started: that you are heartbroken. This was not what you envisioned for your family.

How do you make peace? I love that you continue to reach out, that you continue to send letters, that you continue to say, "I'm here, this is what's going on in the family, want you to be part of it," and then there's this grief. When you met with him, even though it was awkward, is there a possibility that you could meet with him again?

Gary: I call asking that very question: "I'd love to come and just hang out somehow." I never get any reply at all from him. His wife called me one time. I actually have written a book and she publishes books, so she called and volunteered to help me publish this book.

Brian: Well, hold on, Gary. You can hear the music. We've got to go to a break and I don't want to get in the middle of a sentence.

Yes, we will be back to Gary and also Linda, Irene, everyone else who calls in for the next two hours. Well, I should say for the next 90 minutes. We're halfway through the first hour, but we'll be here the rest of this hour and all of next. So call in to speak with Alice and Becky at 1-800-229-3000.

Becky Brown: Hello, it's Becky Brown. I am so excited to launch our 99 For The One partner initiative. Every day we hear from people all over the world who are looking for hope. They've been lost in a relationship struggle, addiction, anxiety, depression, all kinds of ways. It reminds us of the story in Luke 15 where the shepherd leaves the 99 to go rescue the one.

You know, we've seen God work in the lives of so many people over the years here at New Life, and we want to invite you to be part of what God is doing. 99 For The One is our partner program that you can give to the ministry on a monthly basis to make sure that we continue to reach out to the lost. Call 1-800-NEW-LIFE, 1-800-639-5433, or newlife.com/99for1.

Brian: To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life Live.

We're going to go back to Gary in Goldendale, Washington, who called in with this sad story. He hasn't seen his son in 20 years. Gary, you were saying that you've published a book and that was the only time you've heard from your daughter-in-law recently.

Gary: Yes, that's correct.

Dr. Alice Benton: And did she publish your book? Did she go through with the offer?

Gary: No. No, I never followed up on that.

Becky Brown: All right. Here's what I'm going to suggest to you, Gary. You started down a good path with connecting and reaching out, and that's really all you can do at this point. If he doesn't accept a "Yes, let's get together, let's have a cup of coffee" or whatever you want to drink, it's sad. You'll have to process that grief and you'll need to accept what's happening.

In recovery we talk about: acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. Acceptance doesn't mean you agree with it or you approve of it or you even like it. But it is just the reality of what is happening in your family. I would not want you to struggle for the next 20 years in trying to understand.

It's really one of those situations, and there are so many people that do have these experiences where their children, when they grow up, they move away and they just leave the family. Sometimes you just don't know why, and it's sad. I'm not saying that you give up. I'm saying that you try to work through your own grief in this process and continue to connect with them. Alice, what would you say?

Dr. Alice Benton: Gary, I know you are and have been a good father, especially because of all this effort you continue to put forward despite being rejected. You have a great heart. You may be one of the few fathers that was never difficult in relationship with your children.

We do hear stories about something like this group that they entered and they're separating from you only because of whatever the group is teaching them to do. But it usually is worthwhile to wonder: did I ever rub my kids wrong?

Even ask the children that are still in relationship with you and ask your wife: "I can't remember having struggles with the kids. Was there ever anything?" Sometimes, Gary, oddly enough, it is because of our good parenting that our children reject us. But even knowing that my kids disliked how strict I was, they disliked how much I talked about the Lord, they disliked how I celebrated Christmas and made it a great big fun deal for them.

Finding out what some of those things might possibly be, they can help empower you because if we know I did something that negatively impacted my kids, at least I have the knowledge of it and when I get the chance, I can address it with my children. I hope you'll ask your kids and your wife that question.

Then I want you to learn about the group they joined and look for any inkling of good motivation in what that group teaches. I can think that, gosh, Christmas is very materialistic and it's a lot more about presents than it is about baby Jesus being born. Someone who rejects the way Christmas is celebrated these days... okay, I could get on board with some of that if I look for what little bit of good is in their reasoning because there's probably a lot you disagree with.

By preparing yourself with that information, you may be able to start to build a little bit of a bridge when you have a chance or in some of those letters you send. Lastly, I would just caution you: if they've ever said stop sending letters, then it can become harmful or can feel like a lack of respect if you continue to send letters. But we almost always encourage: do keep sending, do keep attempting communication if you haven't been told to stop.

Brian: All right, Gary.

Gary: Yes. I'm thankful for what you have had to say. I really appreciate it.

Brian: Well, thanks for calling in today. You know what? There's a book in the newlife.com store that might help you. It's called *Doing Life with Your Adult Children*. It's by our friend Dr. Jim Burns. You might want to pick that up.

Thanks for calling us today here at New Life Live. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call us. Every day we come alongside people in crisis offering not just good advice but also a path to real healing. Your generosity allows New Life to connect people to biblically based truth, compassionate counsel, and practical tools that lead to lasting change.

Your gift helps connect someone in crisis with life-changing resources and support, helping them move from brokenness to breakthrough to discover that a new life is possible. Every gift makes a difference and you can give online at newlife.com, by calling 1-800-NEW-LIFE, or by texting NLM to 28950.

To make a difference on a monthly recurring basis, you can become a 99 For The One partner. You can learn more at newlife.com/99for1. Let's talk to Linda in Sacramento, and Irene we see you too, don't hang up. Linda is responding to a text message that she received from us. Thank you so much for calling in, Linda.

Linda: Thanks. I do need help. I was sexually abused as a child. I was sexually abused and my dad told me he'd kill me if I ever told anybody. I feel if I ever told anybody, he'd kill me. I keep expecting, or I'm living with, I keep expecting him to do that even though he's dead, even though he's gone.

I keep expecting him to do that even though I've never been able to truly connect with it because I've been avoiding the pain because I keep expecting him to kill me, to go through with what he said. I'm a writer. I'm very, very immensely gifted. I can say that, God gave me that, it's totally Him. I cannot for the life of me, it's been impossible up to this point to...

Becky Brown: Linda, are you saying that you have not spoken with a counselor, but when you have tried or when you have attempted this is a problem? Or you just imagine talking to someone would be too hard?

Linda: No, I have, very much. I have, but I keep it at bay because I keep expecting him to kill...

Becky Brown: Sure. That's the story that's stuck in your head. The trauma that you experienced, it's terrifying. It makes sense. Have you heard us talk about trauma-informed care? Have you ever heard of that?

Linda: No.

Becky Brown: We believe you. We believe you that you can't say the story because you believe to the core of you that this is going to happen to you. That's what PTSD really is. But what we've talked about many times on the program to people who have experienced intense trauma is that there is trauma-informed care.

It would be including something like EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. The key component of EMDR is safety for those memories to come to the present. Right now when you think about it, it takes you all the way back to when you were a child and weren't this fully grown adult living life otherwise.

Now this story is stuck in your thought processes. That's a very simplistic way of describing EMDR, but that would be something that trauma-informed therapists can help you unlock this story. I also wonder if, as a writer, to create a story where you can tell your story but separate from you, give voice to the little girl that you once were in a safe environment.

I do believe that we can use our giftings in our own healing process. But the first step is such a big risk for you because you have this intense feeling. That's what PTSD, what trauma does to us: it feels present when the pain is in the past.

Dr. Alice Benton: Linda, was your father your abuser?

Linda: Yes. For years, for many.

Dr. Alice Benton: And there was no justice ever, was there? Did anybody ever intervene?

Linda: Never. My mother, authorities, no one else knew. No one else knew. I could tell them. So I just kept it all in hide. It was like the sting of a thousand bees. And you just kept it all, you stuffed it.

Dr. Alice Benton: Linda, as we are going to a break, I want you to notice how your body's doing having told yet again now. I want you to be aware of the fear and what the message is in your mind.

When we come back from break, I hope that you'll share that with us because I see you, we see you taking steps to break past the fear that holds you captive. Do you think you can do that for us, Linda?

Linda: Okay.

Brian: Stay on the phone, we'll come back to you in just a couple of minutes and the phone lines are going to remain open for the next hour plus: 1-800-229-3000.

To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life Live.

Going to go back to Linda in Sacramento, who received a text message from us this morning and said, "I'm going to call in," and she did. 1-800-229-3000 is the number you can call. Alice, right before the break, you asked Linda to do a couple of things.

Dr. Alice Benton: Yes, Linda, I wondered how your body was holding up having told us the secret and having faced the fact that your father cannot hurt you, but your body still says he can: "He can murder me." How is your body doing and what messages are you hearing in your head right now?

Linda: I'm shaky. Fear. Underwater. I feel underwater. I feel like I'm going to drown. That's what I'm feeling right now and my hand is shaking.

Dr. Alice Benton: I'm going to have you pick a phrase of truth with me. Because the lie that still holds power is "I'm going to kill you if you tell." We're going to pick a phrase of truth, and I'm going to lay out a couple and I want you to pick one that fits the best for you.

The phrase of truth might be "God has numbered my days." Or it might be "Dad, you no longer have power over me. Dad, you can't lay a hand on me anymore and not ever again." The last one: "I'm safe and I can get to safety." Do any of those fit? Which one fits the best for you?

Linda: God has numbered my days.

Dr. Alice Benton: I hear tears come up for you as you say that. That's right, say it again out loud, please.

Linda: God has numbered my days. I'm at a restaurant, so it's kind of difficult but God has numbered my days. God has.

Dr. Alice Benton: Now I want you to imagine, Linda, that you reach your hand down into the water to pull that little girl back up. The one that's drowning, that little girl inside of you that's drowning.

I want you to grab her hand and pull her up. You might imagine that the Lord is pulling her and you up as well because you might not have the strength to do it alone. Tell me if you can imagine that.

Linda: I think almost. I think so. My mother. I can't do it because she hurt me. She always makes me be pinched. She keeps me from expressing, saying, telling my truth.

Dr. Alice Benton: Your mom held you underwater too, as much as your dad did. Both of them silenced you, both of them muted your voice.

I want to be cautious not to hold you in this too long because I know this is very tender and you're in a public place. I actually want you to look around the restaurant and name three colors that you see right there around you. Name them out loud.

Linda: White, black, green.

Dr. Alice Benton: Good. That little question is called grounding. That means I'm just trying to help bring you back to the present moment. Linda, what we did was pick truth to counter the lie. I want you to remember the phrase "God has numbered my days."

Your father doesn't get to number your days. Your Father in Heaven numbers your days. Then we worked briefly on tending to that little girl inside of you that's still in fear of her life. We found out that not only your dad held you down, but your mother did as well.

We have multiple people that we are up against here. But Linda, this process that we did with an experienced clinician, we can get you from "almost I could almost pull her up" to "I can fully pull her and myself up and the Lord is pulling us up too." That's where we can move you. I see from this exercise that you're ready to try again. You're ready to take these courageous steps. Tell me how you're doing with what we just did.

Linda: I'd love to. I feel like it's impossible. But I want to. That's what my head says. However, I feel like it's impossible, but I'm ready or I'm willing to do it.

Becky Brown: Linda, one more place that you can go as far as grounding is to tell us what you're eating. Tell us what you're smelling there in the restaurant.

The reason why these are important steps is because the very thing that kept you from telling your story is because we go back in time and we believe that we're at that age that we don't have the power. We're going to connect you with a trauma-informed therapist in your area so that you can continue the work that you started.

But here's the big victory for today, Linda: you shared your story and you are here. You're here. We're celebrating that with you. It's very powerful for you to hear your own voice telling your story. We believe you, we believe that this has been intense, but we also know that there is a hope and a future that is ahead of you. I hope that you feel confident enough to just take one little more step in that direction.

Linda: I do.

Becky Brown: I love that. I also know that you're going to be connected with a therapist, but also find a group that you can feel that support, because it can feel so alone when we're stuck in the story.

Linda: I actually am eating bacon. It's good. I have a support group that hopefully starts in the spring. Then I have an actual therapist. She always says there's things that are off-topic, there's things that you can't talk about or don't want to. I'm like, "This."

Becky Brown: She's onto you, Linda.

Linda: She's onto me. That stops tomorrow. That's when our next therapy session is.

Becky Brown: Yay. I'll be praying for you, Linda. We will be praying for you. Amen.

Linda: God bless you.

Becky Brown: The hard part about the stories that are stuck in our head or the experiences that are stuck in our bodies is that, like Laura Mangia McDonald says all the time, every minute of our whole existence is within us. We may not even recall what has happened, and then we experience some sort of feeling.

Our feelings are not good direction-givers, but they have validity into our journey and they can be very powerful in keeping us stuck. We want to make sure that we have safe places where we can tell our stories. One of my favorite quotes is: "Tell your story even if your voice shakes." I'm hoping that for Linda. We're so grateful that she called.

Brian: Here at New Life, you heard it today: we walk with people through real pain toward real healing. We have so much coming up to help you: online courses, webinars, weekend workshops, recovery groups, and more. You can visit newlife.com for more information.

We are here to walk beside you, no matter what you are going through. Thank you so much for joining us today. Keep all of our callers that you heard from today in your prayers. If you're on the phone right now, Irene, Dale, everyone else, we're going to talk to you in just a moment. Don't hang up.

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