Devotionals by Brian Goins

A Marriage Maintenance Schedule
By Carlos Santiago

If my wife and I go a day without talking over a cup of coffee or a walk around the neighborhood, we feel it. Our patience wears thin, our tones get harsh, and bickering over small things increases.

We’re not alone.

The drift from order to chaos is the natural way of the universe. Over time, the chaos in your relationship will increase. You will grow apart from your spouse. The family harmony you once had will be lost, unless you actively and intentionally fight against it.

You may be able to ignore the maintenance schedule on your car for years without a problem. But imagine a rocket attempting a liftoff without the proper maintenance. The failure would be spectacular. The more complicated something is, the more maintenance it requires. And marriages are complicated!

What we need is a regular marriage maintenance schedule—a steady rhythm of intentional quality time designed to push against the drift toward chaos and disconnection.

So how can we inject intentional quality time into our marriage?

1. Start small.
If you and your spouse feel thousands of miles apart, start with a 1% change. It might not seem like a big deal. After a foot, 1% translates into less than a quarter inch. But try to reach the moon and a 1% difference will translate into over 4,000 miles.

2. Establish new daily rhythms.
It might be something as simple as greeting your spouse with a hug at the end of the day or sharing a cup of chamomile tea after the kids are in bed.

3. Quality vs. quantity.
We often rely on quality time over quantity of time, but our marriages need both. An established foundation of reliable connections takes the pressure off things like date nights, romantic getaways, and even sex.

4. Fight for it.
Before we had kids, we had plenty of time together and romantic getaways were easy to take. Once our life season changed, money and time got tight. We had to fight for every moment together.

The moment you resolve to do it, an unforeseen obstacle will inevitably appear. But intentional quality time together matters, so fight for it.

Want to know more? Read “Why Intentional, Quality Time Matters.”

The Good Stuff: Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. (Proverbs 3:3)

Action Points: What 1% change could you make toward your spouse today? Start today, and commit to making it a daily habit.

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