FamilyLife Today®

Ann Wilson: It makes me teary thinking about it because it feels like you love me, you see me, you've heard me, and you care about what's going on in my life right now. I really think there's so much power in it, and I think of all the things we do in our lives, this would be one of the areas that Satan would not like us. He doesn't want us to do this more than anything else practically that we do.

Dave Wilson: Welcome to Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.

Ann Wilson: And I'm Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is Family Life Today.

Dave Wilson: Today is just you and me in the studio.

Ann Wilson: You and me, baby.

Dave Wilson: And we get to talk about marriage and prayer.

Ann Wilson: I like this topic.

Dave Wilson: I knew you're going to say that. You get so excited. I'm thinking there's some couples thinking this is going to be I can't miss this one. And there's got to be some guys, maybe some women, but I know men are like seriously, that's not something that I'm good at or I do with my wife. I pray alone. I don't

Ann Wilson: You think it feels

Dave Wilson: I don't pray with her and I don't want to feel guilty about it, so I 'm going to turn it off. Don't turn it off. I 'm going to tell you guys something. This may be the most romantic thing you ever do for your marriage is pray with your wife.

Ann Wilson: It may be the thing that changes your marriage more than anything that you do.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, and and some of you have heard this story from our Vertical Marriage video curriculum, but it's a good one. I got to I got to tell it real quick. The the year I made a New Year's resolution, our boys were little,

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: and I said to Ann, you know, my New Year's resolution this year we put the boys to bed and I'm going to go I'm going to get on my knees and I'm going to pray for them when they're adult men that they be men of God and married to and I said you don't have to join me, but if you want to, of course.

Ann Wilson: Oh, I'm like are you kidding? Like this is so exciting.

Dave Wilson: Your wife will love this. So you are right beside me. We pray for 5 minutes, 3 minutes. It wasn't a long deal. But then we go on We go downstairs, go on with our night, and I bet we're 17 18 days in. We haven't missed a day. And I 'm getting ready to get off my knees after we pray and you grab my arm. And you said I got to tell you something. And I look over at you and I'm like what? You said doing this with you every night for the last 3 weeks, this is such a turn on.

And I was You had that look in your eye and I'm like what do you mean? She goes

Ann Wilson: Well, I just said like you have never been more attractive to me. Like this is one of the most attractive, sexy things we have ever done in our marriage. And you're like what are you talking about?

Dave Wilson: I hear guys. Here's what I was thinking. I didn't tell her this. Literally the thought that came into my mind was if this is how this works, I'm going to become the apostle Paul. Now, of course, that's not why you pray. But there was something that happened with you. There's a romance that happens when we're

Ann Wilson: It's called intimacy.

Dave Wilson: Intimacy with God leads to intimacy with one another. There you go.

Ann Wilson: There you go.

Dave Wilson: I don't preach.

Ann Wilson: Yeah, I felt like man, we're soul mates, we're team mates, we're prayer mates. It brought everything together. And I feel like in our souls as believers, this is good for us and it's great for our marriages.

Dave Wilson: Well, the statistics prove it cuz I know there's some guys that just said I'm going to become a prayer warrior. Don't do it for that reason. But I just yesterday said chat GPT, give me the statistics on married couples who pray together. Let me just read you some of these statistics. It's called the famous less than 1% divorce rate. Less than 1% of couples who pray together daily divorce.

Ann Wilson: Wait, say that again.

Dave Wilson: If you pray together every day, your chance of divorce is less than 1%.

Ann Wilson: Yeah. Oh, I haven't heard it said that way.

Dave Wilson: That's crazy.

Ann Wilson: That's insane.

Dave Wilson: That's crazy. I mean, it's like

Ann Wilson: So you're not talking about this long-winded prayer.

Dave Wilson: No.

Ann Wilson: We're talking about it could be short, but there's a

Dave Wilson: Ours was less than 5 minutes. I mean, it can be longer if you want it to be.

Ann Wilson: We pray before we go to bed and that's probably not even 1 minute.

Dave Wilson: Yeah. I mean, the statistic we've talked about on the show before is the Barna study years ago was couples that pray together regularly. That doesn't mean daily. That means maybe three times a a week.

Ann Wilson: Or four, yeah.

Dave Wilson: It could be more than that. Their divorce rate is 1 in 1,152. I mean, again, less than 1%.

Ann Wilson: Who wouldn't do this based on those stats?

Dave Wilson: Yeah, just start praying together and it's going Here's Here's the second one. Prayer dramatically improves relationship quality. Like things like this. 30% increase in overall delight in marriage. 19% increase in respect. 11% better communication. 16% greater marital stability. Fear of divorce drops significantly. I mean, these are just straight stats about prayer. How about this one? Prayer is one of the strongest predictors of marital happiness. Sociologist Andrew Greeley says praying together is the most powerful predictor of marital happiness.

Ann Wilson: So when you talk about having 11% better communication and 16% greater marital stability, why do you think that is? Like what happens?

Dave Wilson: I don't know. You tell me. I just know it happens. It's like I think for the guy it's when I pray I get vulnerable.

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: And I'm now not just being vulnerable alone with God. I'm doing that in front of you or with you. And I know what happens to you when I get vulnerable. There's a bonding. You love it when your man is weak and shares you know, vulnerability. And so I 'm thinking if we're doing that in prayer, doesn't it bond you to me?

Ann Wilson: I think what it does to me is it brings the security into me knowing that we're going together before the King of Kings. It feels more powerful like we're team Wilson. And so I feel this security and a sense of peace that it brings me and bonded to you because like again, we 're a team and we 're going to God together.

Dave Wilson: Number four. Couples who share faith practices are happier. Look at this. Couples who attend church together report higher happiness rates. Around 80% are very happy compared to those who don't go to church.

Ann Wilson: This is going to church.

Dave Wilson: Just going to church.

Ann Wilson: Huh.

Dave Wilson: How about this? Many couples don't actually pray together.

Ann Wilson: Okay. I would say most couples don't pray together.

Dave Wilson: And here's the last one. Prayer increases bonding, forgiveness, and depth. Now, look at this. Big picture summary. What can you say about prayer and marriage? Chat GPT just said, okay, based on those statistics, here's the honest and powerful takeaway. Couples who pray together are more satisfied, communicate better, experience greater unity, and are significantly less likely to divorce. And yet, most couples never build this habit.

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: Why do you think they don't?

Ann Wilson: I think for guys it's scary.

Dave Wilson: I think it feels very intimate. And here's what's happened to us in the past. We'll get on this great role of praying regularly together. And then something happens between us that we're in a fight or my feelings are hurt or I feel like we're not on the same page. And then I don't want to pray with you. There's something in us that because we know like, oh, we need to resolve that and I don't want to resolve it cuz I'm mad and I feel like I deserve to be mad. And so that intimacy peace can go away because we stop praying together or maybe we never have.

But to pray together when you're mad at each other, it 's hard, isn't it?

Ann Wilson: Yeah, cuz you don't want to talk or pray. And yet it's one of the things that breaks down the conflict. And again, I think you have to resolve the conflict maybe first, but sometimes you just need to pray together anyway.

Dave Wilson: Or That's what I was going to say.

Ann Wilson: And your heart gets a little softer and tender because you're praying with your best friend.

Dave Wilson: It reminds me of the Psalms where David would start out maybe venting and frustrated with God like, God, where are you? Have you not heard my prayers? And I think we can start We've done this sometimes or Lord, I'm mad at Dave. You know, like we just bring him into it. Lord, I'm mad at Dave and I feel like this is hard to pray right now. And then as I pray, my heart softens. Because one of the things we talked about how prayer increases bonding, forgiveness, and depth, it also gives you a greater bonding and emotional closeness.

It's increased concern for your partner's well-being and there's a higher relationship depth and meaning when you pray together. And so we should be doing that even when we don't want to. Why else don't we do it? I think for men it's intimate. Vulnerability and prayer with your wife is somewhat scary and intimate cuz you're you're talking to God with your wife. It's easier to talk to God alone. I think it's for me it's just two things. One, I can get real lazy and just be like a lot of times when we pray it's right when we're going to bed, going to sleep.

And I 'm tired and spent a long day and it's just going to take energy I don't want to give. And so I just like you pray cuz I know you're going to pray. And I just roll over and go to bed. But the other side is And again, part of me wants to say to the guys like me, you know, this is one of the most important things you can do. You can't be too tired. Just figure out a way to do it. You You're too tired to work out or play golf and somehow you figure out a way to do it cuz you want to do it.

But the other side is it's a little scary cuz I'm I'm being vulnerable with God, with you there. And you know me so well. And it takes courage. And again, I'd say to the guys and I'm looking in the mirror when I say this like step into it. And another thing that I think for us husbands is as Christian husbands we feel a sense of what's the word? We feel responsible to lead

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: spiritually in the home.

Ann Wilson: Yeah.

Dave Wilson: And at the same time we feel very inadequate at and we a lot of husbands never do it. And we're afraid. And we don't even know what it looks like. And what I've discovered is one of the best ways to lead spiritually in the home is just pray. Pray with your wife. Pray with If your kids are seeing a mom and dad pray together, guess what? You're leading that home spiritually cuz you are acknowledging in front of them. And again, I'm not saying you make it a spectacle and say, hey kids, watch, we're going to pray.

You just It's just becomes a part of your lifestyle and they they recognize that's what mom and dad do. They are being led by a mom and a dad who are saying this is what we do. We are weak people who need a powerful God and we can't do it without him. So we're going to talk to him about it.

Ann Wilson: And I think our kids when we were both home, we would do that almost every night together if we were both home. That we would both pray and they would see us. And I remember saying to our kids and asking our kids, hey, will you pray for me cuz you guys are powerful prayer warriors. And you know, they're like, no, we're not. We're just kids. But I think they are. And I think you are too. And so if you have people in your family, kids, teenagers, a spouse that is very hesitant, remind them like, man, your prayers matter to me.

Like I should have been telling you all along like your prayers are some of the most precious things you could do for me. And when you pray for our kids and when our kids went to college and their first day of school, we laid hands on them for all of it. Lord, like we need you. Will you You know, and then we just pray our requests over them. That's been a big thing for our entire family.

Dave Wilson: Oh, I mean, every time we leave them

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I remember when we left them at the dorm room

Ann Wilson: Yeah.

Dave Wilson: as freshmen, we didn't get out of their dorm till we laid hands on them and prayed over them and their future and when we got in the car to drive. I mean, it's just something we do so often we don't even realize this is what the Wilson's do. We are prayer warriors.

Ann Wilson: We started when they were babies out loud in the car so they they know that prayer is such a normal part of our lives. I feel like when you pray for me, whether I 'm sick or sad or frustrated or need wisdom or insight, it's one of the best gifts you could ever give me. I don't think I 've even told you that enough because like I remember the other night I was sick and you just put your hand on me and you prayed for me. And it was like the greatest gift. I didn't tell you that that night either, did I?

Dave Wilson: No, are you just going to tell the world right now? But no.

Ann Wilson: It makes me teary thinking about it because it feels like you love me, you see me, you've heard me, and you care about what's going on in my life right now. I really think there's so much power in it. And I think of all the things we do in our lives based on the stats that we had already given, this would be one of the areas that Satan would not like us. He doesn't want us to do this more than anything else practically that we do.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I mean, based on what we just read for statistics, you could make the case that the best thing you can do for your marriage is not go to a counselor, which is a really good thing. And we've done that and we'll continue to do that. So we're not saying don't do that. You should do that.

Ann Wilson: Which is great.

Dave Wilson: It's not read a marriage book, but you should read a marriage book, especially ours. I'm kidding. You should read every good marriage book or parenting book.

Ann Wilson: Which is great.

Dave Wilson: Those are all good things. The best thing is probably start praying together somewhat regularly. If you can do it every day, go for it. And again, we're talking a minute or two. But if you could do it several times a week, you're going to be in that category divorce people that's less than 1%.

Ann Wilson: And the key is God hears those prayers.

Dave Wilson: Yeah.

Ann Wilson: The night that we prayed on our knees at the end of the bed on our honeymoon night and our prayer was

Dave Wilson: out loud. God, we're not asking you for a good marriage. We're asking you for a great marriage that will one day impact the world for your kingdom.

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: Cuz we believe that God wanted to use us as a couple to share the Gospel. And here we are 45 years later

Ann Wilson: And it's great.

Dave Wilson: sharing the Gospel in a in a studio.

Ann Wilson: Who would have thought?

Dave Wilson: Pastoring, preaching, speaking at marriage conferences, writing books on marriage. No. Only God would seen that as our future based on where we came from. And I think in some ways an answer to prayer.

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: So I mean, saying all that it's like why wouldn't we pray every day? I mean, God does hear. God is more concerned about what we're praying about than we even are.

Ann Wilson: He does. And I don't know if you feel like this over the years and 46 years of marriage, the times that we hadn't had an argument and a conflict. And then we did this often, especially when we first got married, we would get on our knees in repentance. God, we've messed up. We pray that you would forgive us. And Lord, help us to have a great marriage. We don't know what we're doing. And we'd hold hands. And I can remember feeling like this is the most intimate thing. And I felt like God heard us and he wanted to restore us and use us.

There's something so powerful about that.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I mean, in some sense I think you know, on your knees in prayer looks like weakness.

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: I remember Bob Carlisle.

Ann Wilson: Oh, I remember that name.

Dave Wilson: He wrote the song Butterfly Kisses. He had a song where the line was, if you see me on my knees, it's not because I'm weak, I 'm getting stronger.

Ann Wilson: Mhm.

Dave Wilson: And it 's like there's strength when you admit your weakness

Ann Wilson: Submit.

Dave Wilson: and you go to God and say, we need your help. And he meets us with power, with strength, with wisdom, with discernment, what to do, what to I mean, the fact that for 45 years I've been praying on Fridays and fasting on Fridays for our sons, again, it's a moment of every week to say I'm not going to eat all day, I 'm going to pray all day for CJ, Austin, and Cody and now their wives and kids to be men of God and lead them lead their families. That's a weakness day, but it's the most powerful day of the week.

Ann Wilson: And I was thinking too as parents now and when we had our kids, every one of our kids was in the NICU because something went wrong or they had something happen at birth. And every single time I felt like as we were together, I felt like God was saying, surrender them and give them to me. Give them back to me. That was one of the hardest things. I think praying and offering God our kids like, God, they're yours. I don't want God to have them sometimes. Like I want to make those decisions and I know what's best.

And yet I feel like those times that we grabbed hands and said, God, we pray that you would save our kids. We pray that you would heal our kids. We pray that you would give our kids wisdom. He hears those prayers. And there's a power when you have the husband and wife coming together to pray for those things. That's a big deal.

Dave Wilson: Talk about when you're on that prayer walk about what God said about our boys.

Ann Wilson: Well, let me say first before that happened, one of our sons had ADHD and he was struggling. And it's so hard to watch our kids in pain or frustration and feel like it's affecting their identity. So I remember going to God and saying, Lord, I don't know what you're doing. Like why would my son or child have this? It's just creating pain and loss and chaos and identity that feels like it's just struggling right now. And so I was bold and I said, Lord, I'm going to pray that you would heal him or that you would show me what is the point?

Like I don't even get it. And so I said in, Lord, I'm going to pray until I feel like I hear from you. And so you guys, I was on day seven of fasting. And I was on a treadmill actually. Like, Laura, I can't go much longer.

Dave Wilson: You're not supposed to treadmill when you're fasting for a week.

Ann Wilson: Well, you've done that.

Dave Wilson: I do it all the time, but I'm just giving some wisdom to others who want to try it.

Ann Wilson: So anyway, I'm not walking very fast. And Exodus four when God is talking to Moses and God says to Moses, did I not make the mute? Did I might make the deaf? What does it say, Bruce? What are the exact words?

Bruce: Who makes the mouth on humans? Who makes a person mute or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?

Ann Wilson: As I read that scripture, I felt like God's not surprised. He's not like, oh no, what are we going to do with CJ? I felt like he was saying, I have a plan for him and you can trust me with him. And that freed me up like, okay, I can do it. That's all I needed, God. I can trust you. You know him and I can give him to you.

Dave Wilson: And now he's a 40-year-old man.

Ann Wilson: Yeah.

Dave Wilson: He's amazing.

Ann Wilson: Married, has a great job. And that's really shaped him. What he went through has shaped him, I think.

Dave Wilson: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, God answered that prayer.

Ann Wilson: Yeah. We've traveled around the world and I'm always amazed that families around the world bring incredible joy and impact, but they also really struggle with the same issues.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. They all have the same issues. Wife doesn't like her husband, husband doesn't like his wife, they can't resolve conflict. You name it. They don't know how really to to make Jesus the center of their marriage. And it's the same things we struggle with.

Ann Wilson: Exactly, but families make a difference in the world. Like a family centered on Jesus impacts everyone.

Dave Wilson: That's why we do what we do. Every single day we're trying to help marriages and families here, there, around the world find Jesus as the center of their marriage and find hope. And then not just see their marriage transformed, but transform their neighborhood. And let me invite you to join us in this mission. What's that mean? Pray for us. We need your prayers. But also, I don't know if you know this, but this ministry is of donor supported ministry. In other words, people give financially to make this happen. And we would love to have you as a partner.

Ann Wilson: Because we can't exist without you, without monthly partners reaching families for Jesus.

Dave Wilson: So if you'd like to join, here's all you need to do. Go to familylifetoday.com, click on the donate button right there. And man, wouldn't wouldn't it be a joy to be a partner with you? You can help change the world. So what do you say to the couples right now that like, okay, we're going to do this?

Ann Wilson: I would say start today. And let me share what I did with the Detroit Lions wives who I used to have a Bible study every week cuz most of them had never prayed out loud. And so I would say, hey, we're going to pray out loud today. And their faces are just like, oh no, I've never done that. I said, I know you're freaking out, but here's how we're going to do it. We're just going to say I'm going to say here's the start of the prayer. Jesus, help me. And then you finish it. And so each person would start Jesus help me.

And then they would finish it. And the next week I'd say, Jesus, thank you for And then they would finish it. So it was a baby step in learning how to pray. So as a spouse, if you've never done it before, you could say, hey, let's just start like this. Jesus, will you help us? And so then you do it out loud. As a guy, would that be intimidating?

Dave Wilson: Yeah, the thank you one's easier.

Ann Wilson: Oh, so maybe start there.

Dave Wilson: I mean, help me is vulnerable. I'm not saying you shouldn't do that, but I would start with

Ann Wilson: Help us.

Dave Wilson: like that one couple that came up at the marriage summit that we did and he said, okay, I'm going to try it tonight.

Ann Wilson: Yeah.

Dave Wilson: And remember he said they got in the car and he said it was silent for minutes. She was so afraid. He said I didn't even look over there. I just said, God, thanks for And he picked one specific thing. And he was so excited. He came back the next day like we did we did it.

Ann Wilson: Like he didn't pray too. I know.

Dave Wilson: I mean, it's just a simple sentence. Maybe just think a sentence prayer. Hopefully that can grow, but just start with what are you grateful for?

Ann Wilson: And that would be a great thing to teach your kids if you haven't prayed out loud with your kids, even the dinner table. Hey guys, let's go around the table and just thank God for something and pray out loud together. It begins awkward, but then it becomes this beautiful automatic rhythm.

Dave Wilson: We cannot have a meal ever without praying. That's That's her.

Ann Wilson: Daniel prayed three times a day. Pray without ceasing.

Dave Wilson: I mean, it's And so let me that's that's a great practice to be a part of a family.

Ann Wilson: Yeah.

Dave Wilson: That your kids grow up thinking, oh man, my my goodness, we're not going to eat this until we stop and go, you know what? God gave us this food. This has been provided by him and we need to acknowledge that. And uh so I hope as a married couple you might do something you've never done before. If you've been doing it, keep doing it. But if you've never have, just try it.

Ann Wilson: It's never too late. Start simply and just do it.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, we have an article written by Family Life that you can get at familylifetoday.com, click on the link in the show notes. It's called Five Prayers for Couples When You Don't Know What to Say. Try it out for a week and then let us know.

Ann Wilson: All you have to do is go to speakpipe.com/familylifetoday. Again, that's speakpipe.com/familylifetoday or get the link in the show notes.

Dave Wilson: If there's one thing I appreciate more than anything it's somebody saying, I'll pray for you and meaning it. And let me tell you, we want to pray for you. We have a team that'll pray for you. And if you would like us to pray for you, here's how you can let us know. Go to familylifetoday.com/prayformie and we will pray for you specifically. Tell us what you need. We'll pray for that.

Ann Wilson: Family Life Today is a donor supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry celebrating 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.